Breakthrough
by too-old-to-love-jake
Summary: Bella was lost and hopeless when Edward left. Can she find happiness, now that he is not coming back? Will Jacob be able to win her heart? Will Bella be free of the consequences that come from loving a vampire and a werewolf? Lots of romance!
1. Chapter 1: Needs

Disclaimer: I love Twilight, almost as much as I love my husband, daughter, four dogs and three cats. I do not own it. This world is merely a playground for me. Thank you Steph Meyer!!!!

When I started writing this story less than two months ago...I sucked. Plain and simple. Thanks to my new beta susanashlea my story is better. Grammatically speaking, of course. I hope to update every chapter and make this thing more readable for any new readers. I have no idea how long this will take but it's a new goal of mine.

This is my first run at fanfic, hope you like it :)

Chapter 1

"Jacob...I'm sorry, so very sorry," I said, the events of the last week still heavy on my mind.

I had selfishly gone cliff diving alone, resulting in tragedy. At the time, I hadn't registered the ramifications of that decision. I was just so consumed trying to hear..._trying to hear his voice_. _Edwards _voice.

The end result to my little stunt was a near drowning experience, saved only by Jacob Black. It was a new running trend with Jacob, saving me from myself. You would think that after the motorcycle incident, Jacob would have started to avoid me. That something inside of him would have wanted to repel my misfortune. I guess Jacob Black was a glutton for punishment.

As if those experiences weren't enough, the day after Harry Clearwater's funeral, Jacob-along with the rest of the wolf pack-saved me from being killed by Victoria. I never actually witnessed this, nor did I know that I was in close danger of dying. Well, I knew Victoria was out to kill me, just not the precise time. Jacob and the others had handled it and destroyed the evidence before I knew what had happened.

To say I was a danger magnet was an understatement of gigantic proportions.

Jacob greeted me like always with a giant hug, warming every nerve ending in my body, and sending comfort into the depths of my soul.

"Bells, quit saying you're sorry. I've come to appreciate saving your butt from danger," he said smirking. "It's what I do."

I couldn't help but smile at Jake's enthusiasm, his charisma. He filled me with a happiness that I once thought was gone forever. My heart, once frozen, was now slowly thawing into a living, beating organ.

Over the last few months my feelings had slowly changed and I was more than aware of it. I found my thoughts always turning back to Jacob. Something within my soul was shifting, my inner core stirring itself from the perpetual darkness that had enveloped it for so long. The nightmares had become almost non-existent, up until the last week anyway. I had learned to smile again and allow myself to be happy.

Edward left me broken and in pieces, a shell of a person. The hole in my heart had instantly taken my life from me. Although it had been months, I hadn't made much progress, until...well, until Jacob.

"Bells, are you going to stay in la-la land all day?"

"Uh, no, huh. What did you say?"

Jacob gave me another squeeze. He was always so attuned to what I needed and I lingered a bit longer than I should in his embrace.

"Do you want to defy fate, or just hang out and watch TV?"

"TV." I nodded in agreement, although I really didn't want to be home again. I had pretty much been stuck in the confines of my house since the near drowning experience. Other than returning to school the last two days, I hadn't seen much of the outside world. Charlie was conducting a safety course for "rookie cops" at the academy in Seattle. It was something he did for extra money from time to time. He would be gone all day. But as long as Jake was here, I knew I would be okay.

Jacob moved to the couch and I made my way over to sit by him. In just a few seconds, he grabbed my hands and started tracing imaginary lines on the inside of my palm.

Hand-holding wasn't out of the ordinary for us. I guess most girl/guy friendships didn't include such intimate displays, but ours did. Jacob and I were intimate without being intimate.

Of course, I felt bad for blurring the lines with Jacob. His feelings for me were more than friendship. He had made that clear. And although my feelings for him were more than an ordinary friendship, I wasn't capable of loving him the way he wanted me too. The way he needed me to. The way he deserved. I was damaged beyond repair.

I wanted so badly to give him more, but I just couldn't bring myself to that point. I was attracted to him, this I knew after a near kiss the other night. I enjoyed being with Jacob and he made me feel safe and loved. But, he..._Edward..._tore me-no, ripped me-and I was perpetually useless in the love department.

"There you go back to la-la land," Jake said elbowing me in the ribs.

I hadn't noticed that he had let go of my hand. I wondered how long I had been lost in thought.

"You know Bella, if you'd rather be alone, I understand," he grabbed my hand again and started tracing the invisible lines once more.

"No, no, I'm sorry. I really want you here." _I _**need**_ you here_, is what I should have said, but as usual the right words refused to form in my mind. I had learned to be very careful when I talked to Jacob. I had to choose the right words in the right way; I couldn't risk giving him the wrong idea.

"Are you hungry?" I asked, knowing the answer before he spoke.

I made my way to the kitchen and got out a pizza box with last night's leftovers. After a minute in the microwave I carried a plate and a soft drink back into the living room.

"You not eating?" Jacob asked suspiciously

"Big breakfast," I lied. Truthfully, I was nauseous and the thought of food was making me sick. I had become accustomed to avoiding meals. In addition to taking my soul, Edward took my appetite as well.

My mind felt fuzzy, and my ability to focus was a huge challenge. I sat down at the opposite end of the couch and curled my legs under me. I propped my head on a small pillow and closed my eyes for just a bit.

A/N:

That's chapter one...let me know what you loved or hated.


	2. Chapter 2: Internal Misery

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. I own nothing!!!!! **

**So this is the improved version of Chapter 2.**

Chapter 2

I was running, and then running faster. Where am I? Where am I going? I felt lost, but I instantly recognized my surroundings. I was on the beach in La Push. In my peripheral vision, I could see her. She was chasing me with fierce speed. Her red hair tossed violently in the wind, signaling my need to go faster. Faster...faster...I needed my legs to move faster. Then in a flash, she was gone.

My breath tripped in my throat and I stopped running. The red-haired threat was gone, but my fear didn't subside. It only intensified once I looked up and Victoria had been replaced with Edward. His eyes were glowing red, anger and fury showing in his brow. His features were all still perfect but something was different. Terror swept through my body and I turned to run in the other direction. I realized I was no longer on the beach, but back in the woods-the last place that I saw him. I began to run; I was always running. Why was I always running? The light was slowly fading and my eyes were trying to adjust to the new scenery. My chest felt like it was on fire; my lungs were just mere seconds from exploding. The hungry eyes appeared before me once again, and then in a blink they were gone. Darkness, utter darkness surrounded me, engulfed me as the fire in my chest intensified. I blinked rapidly trying to see something, anything. I suddenly felt warm, and comfort blanketed me. When I looked up, I saw big brown eyes and a bright warm smile, a familiar smile.

"Bella, Bella."

It felt like an eternity had passed; my body was dead weight unwilling to move. I rubbed my eyes trying to remove some of the weight on my lids.

"Bella, are you alright?" Jacob asked, his voice dripping with concern. I looked at his face and he seemed panic-stricken.

"Yeah, I guess I just dozed off."

"Bella, you've been asleep for two hours, you started screaming. Scared me half to death."

I sat up and realized that Jake was holding me. Immediately I moved from his lap feeling embarrassed. My cheeks started burning as the customary pool of blood found refuge in them.

"I'm okay. Sorry about that." What about me did Jake find so appealing? I was a constant mess. I was always on the verge of a complete breakdown. What I wanted, needed, more than anything was a breakthrough.

"I'm real sorry if I'm ruining your day," I said.

"Bells, you're always apologizing. If I didn't want to be here, then I wouldn't be, okay?"

Jacob stood up and I couldn't help but sneak a glance. He was tall, massive. Every muscle in his body was sculpted to perfection. He had flawless features, gorgeous skin. Again, I found myself questioning why. Why would he want me? He could have his choice of any of the girls on the reservation, or any girl in Forks for that matter. I was thankful for whatever held him here with me. I needed him. Although I couldn't love Jacob the way he wanted me too, the way he needed me too, the way he deserved, I did love him. I loved him with every single broken piece of my heart. I suppose since Jacob had picked up the remains and put them back together in some small way, he owned my heart. But my heart kept going back to...him...to _Edward_. I feared that if we moved forward, I might forget...him..._Edward_.

I shook the thought of him from my mind. I needed a distraction.

"Jake, whaddaya say we go to the grocery store? Charlie isn't much of a shopper, and I really do not want to eat pizza again."

"Where food is involved, count me in." Jake was already holding the front door open.

"Let me leave Charlie a note just in case he comes home early."

I grabbed my keys and rain jacket, because like almost every other day in forks, it was raining.

We made the trip to the grocery store in record time and without incident. Well unless you count seeing Jessica Stanley and Mike Newton at the traffic light in town. I waved mechanically, trying not to laugh at Jacob's impression of Mike Newton's puking face. I could feel the heat of their stares and knew that I'd hear all about it on Monday.

"I think that Mike almost broke his neck," Jacob said, a smile forming at the corner of his lips. "It will take a long time for his ego to recover from seeing us together."

I couldn't help but laugh, Jacob was always so funny.

"You know Bells, I think he may be hung up on you almost as much as I am."

_Ouch! _That was below the belt. "Shut up, Jake."

"Oh come on Bells, the best part of internal misery, is being able to find the irony of it."

"So, I make you miserable," I replied sharply.

"Bella, that's not what I meant. Just never mind, you wouldn't understand."

"Try me. Maybe I'll surprise you."

"Bella, let's talk about this later."

"Maybe we should get it over with, clear the air. I don't want to make you miserable." I was fighting the tears back. I was mad at myself for being upset about something I had known was true all along. I was constantly using Jacob. He had healed me, held me together. He rarely got anything other than my admiration in return.

"Bella, I see you every day, you're face is the last thing I see before I go to sleep and you're the first thought on my mind when I wake up. I want nothing more than to be with you, every minute of the day. I'd do anything to protect you, to keep you safe, to love you. Bella, I can love you the way you deserve to be loved. I want to hold your hand; I want to be the one that holds your heart."

"Jake...I'm...I...don't," I interrupted his emotional spill, not wanting to hear any more of it.

"Bella, it's OK, really. You asked remember?"

We were stopped in the driveway and the rain was really pouring down. Jacobs's words were tearing me apart. I knew them to be true and I really felt the same way about him. I did love him and I hated that I was bringing him pain.

"Please don't cry Bella. We're cool, you and me."

Jacob leaned over and squeezed my hand, smiled my favorite smile. I didn't deserve his friendship, but I didn't know where I would be without him.

The rain had slacked and we carried in the few bags of groceries. I put them away and began making dinner. Jake had wanted tacos so I laid out the ingredients and got to work.

Charlie had called to say he would be later than expected and Jacob had insisted on staying for the evening. I didn't object. One of the benefits of having Victoria out of the picture, well other than the obvious, was that Jake was free of constant wolf patrol.

After the taco dinner, we went to the living room to watch a movie. Jake had picked it out and we settled on the couch.

Before the movie ended, Charlie came home.

"Hungry, Dad?" I asked. "I made tacos for me and Jake. You're lucky he saved you some."

Jake was too involved in the movie to catch my insult, so Charlie and I went into the kitchen. I heated up his food and sat down with him for a bit. Neither one of us was good at conversation, so, my sitting with Charlie while he ate was the best he would get.

"Bella, I guess I'm going to go it's getting late and I need my beauty rest. It's hard work to be this fab-u-lous," Jake said, adding a little melody to the last part.

Charlie and I both laughed and I got up to walk Jake out.

"Thank you for staying today. Thank you for, well, being you."

Jake didn't hesitate to give me a hug and a kiss on the forehead.

"Night, Bells. I will call you tomorrow."

Ugh. Tomorrow, I wouldn't have Jake around. He was on patrol, and then other wolf business, as he called it. I could feel a frown forming at the thoughts of being without him tomorrow.

"Don't look so down, I've got something planned for us tomorrow night."

"I hate surprises," I said with a little more force than I intended.

"Humor me, Bella, you won't be disappointed."

A/N: So chapter 2 is done...show your love. Please...please...please.


	3. Chapter 3: Reflections

**Disclaimer: Guess who doesn't own Twilight....Me.**

Go to my profile for my playlist for Breakthrough.

_Chapter 3 Playlist - I'm Still Breathing by Katy Perry_

New and Improved Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Sunday brought about a new day and the rain had slowed to a drizzle by the time I had fully awoken. I had a very restful night with no nightmares for the first time since the cliff diving event. Charlie hesitantly went on a last minute fishing trip. He had really sacrificed his love for the outdoors since my zombie-state. I felt like he needed the time away and I assured him that I'd be okay and would probably end up in La Push later.

"As long as you stay off the cliffs," he yelled back to me as he made his way out the door.

No worry there, Charlie. The driving force behind all of my neurotic behavior was hearing his..._Edward's_ voice. But now that I had survived that, and survived Victoria, I wasn't so sure I wanted to hear his voice. I really wasn't so sure I wanted any part of him.

Wait. Did I just...did I actually think I was finally moving past it?

Originally, I think my reckless behavior was an attempt to inflict pain on him, that by some long shot my stupidity would indirectly hurt him. I thought he might one day pick up a newspaper and see the headline

_"Unidentified Forks teen has amnesia after a near fatal motorcycle accident."_

By seeing that, I had hoped to hurt him in the way he hurt me, to make him feel guilty for bringing me to such erratic behavior. I realized how ridiculous I had been acting. Nothing I did mattered, he was gone forever.

He told me it would be as if he never existed. So logically if he never existed to me, then I never existed to him. I had no idea what I had been trying to accomplish, other than nearly killing myself.

The ache in my chest was starting to grow and I had to change the direction of my thoughts. Since spending time with Jacob was out for the day, I decided to make use of my time by cleaning out the upstairs hall closet.

Charlie's clutter had plagued my existence here since my arrival last year. Charlie was very unorganized and never threw out anything. Charlie was definitely not a housekeeper.

I turned the radio on and decided to make the best of it. It was just recently that I started to enjoy music again. Thanks again, Jacob Black. The only station that I could tune in was a 80s/90s slow rock station. I hated the music but at least it would help pass the time.

I made great progress, throwing out two full garbage bags of useless stuff. I had a large box of things for Charlie to sort through. I decided to break for lunch and continue my project later. I only had the top shelf left, but I was famished.

After a quick sandwich and chips, I made my way back to the hall closet. I steadied myself on the stepladder and reached up to grab some of the things on the top shelf. That's when it came crashing quickly onto my head, knocking my feet out from under me and off of the step ladder. I ended up at the top of the staircase and the step ladder ended up at the bottom. _Better you than me_, I thought, looking at the step ladder. Just another victim of Bella Swan's lack of coordination.

Beside me lay the object of my head trauma: a dusty black photo album. Charlie was a man of few words and a man of fewer sentiments. I was shocked to see that he even had a photo album, let alone one that contained photographs.

I propped myself up against the wall and picked it up. It was hardly worn and I could tell that most of the pages were empty. Curiosity got the best of me, and I opened the cover.

The first page was a picture of Charlie and Renee before they were married. They both looked so young and happy. Charlie's smile was so bright and cheerful. He looked so happy and full of life. It reminded me of Jacob's smile, bright sunshine even on the darkest of days. I couldn't remember seeing a smile from Charlie like that in my entire life. The next page was a picture of me with Charlie and Renee. I must have been just a few weeks old. Charlie's smile was still beaming. I couldn't help but smile back, just looking at the picture.

The next few pages were mostly pictures of Charlie and Renee and me when I was a baby. There were a few people I didn't recognize, and I assumed them to be friends of Charlie and Renee.

When I turned the page again there was a picture of me and Charlie fishing when I was about seven years old. I grinned at the memory of my fishing trips with Charlie. Fish hooks, worms, rocky river banks and a few trips to the emergency room. Next to the picture of us was a picture of me and Jacob from the same fishing trip. Jacob was grinning sheepishly and I was forcing a smile, while trying not to fall off of the rock I was sitting on. If my memory served me correctly, I did end up falling off the rock, dragging him with me into the river.

Those were simple days. Days before vampires, werewolves and broken hearts. I removed the picture from the album to show Jacob later. I knew he would derive much enjoyment from the photo.

I continued my trip down memory lane. The next few pages were blank, and then my school pictures filled the pages. Renee must have sent them to Charlie throughout the years and they were all displayed and labeled according to year. It seemed endless, the amount of awkward photographs I had been forced to take as a child. The camera hated me, just like fate. I turned the page again, and after just a quick glance at the picture before me I felt a jab in my heart so strong, I lost my breath. Tears began to flow like Springs river. There I was, wearing a pink tutu, ballet slippers, and lipstick. I was in the ballet studio were James nearly killed me almost a year ago.

It was getting harder to breathe. I swatted the tears from my eyes and dug my fists in to the carpet beneath me. The enormity of the last year hit me like a ton of bricks.

Flashes of Forks, of Edward, of the Cullen family, of the van, of James, of the dreadful birthday party, of the woods, of the cliffs, of Victoria-all of it flooded me. I lay down and grabbed my knees to my chest. My sobs were being painfully torn from me. My throat was tight, and burned, and ached at the memories. I was forcing myself to stay together, as the hole in my heart was trying to rip me apart.

I thought of all the broken promises, all of the pain inflicted on my friends and family. The selfish way I had been treating everyone. I was sinking into the memories like lead, allowing them to tear me into pieces. I was breaking, but I was breaking in a good way. Not like when Edward left; this felt more liberating. The walls were coming down, and the numbness was leaving.

I realized I had something in my hand. When I looked down, I saw that I was still clutching the photograph of me and Jacob from the fishing trip. Looking at it again brought a smile to my lips and my tears ceased.

It was then that realization flooded me. Jacob was my balance. Jacob was my stabilizer. He loved me without condition, without reserve, and without hesitation. He held me together when no one else could. He held me together when the one person that I had loved more than anything else broke me. With Edward, love had been complicated, but with Jacob, it could just be love. Love without interference, without reserve.

I couldn't keep Edward without becoming like him, it was inevitable. Alice saw it. But it wasn't my destiny to be a vampire-it wasn't anyone's destiny to be a vampire. It was a sick and malicious trick of fate for anyone to lose their life that way.

For months I had been angry with Edward for leaving. But now, I realized that Edward left _for _me, not because of me.

Tears began to flow again, and the hurt in my chest went with them. The pain fled from my body and mind, and I could feel healing all around me. The hold that Edward's departure had on me was ceasing. The pieces of my heart were joining themselves back together and I knew that Jacob black was due a thank-you.

A/N: Please review. Reviews are better Popsicles!


	4. Chapter 4: Inhibitions

Disclaimer: I do not own any of it or it's likeness...no infringement intended.

_Playlist for Chapter 4 Beautiful Mess by Jason Mraz_

Chapter 4

After a about twenty minutes of collecting myself on the floor, I finished the closet. I took the photo album to my room and slid it under my bed.

It was about 4:30 and I really needed a shower. I wasn't for sure when Jake would call so I decided to get the shower over with.

My head was still throbbing from the minor closet accident. After my shower, I popped two Tylenol capsules, and made my way back to my room to get dressed. I had no idea what to wear. I settled on jeans and a long sleeve t shirt. I grabbed a hoodie, just in case it would be chilly. I went downstairs just in time to catch the phone ringing.

"Hello."

"Hi, Bells. What do you think about coming on over to La Push, while I finish up here?" Jake's cheerful voice instantly made me smile.

"Sure, I can leave now. What are you..."

"Just get your butt up here, OK?"

"OK, bye Jake"

"Bye"

I ran back upstairs to put on my sneakers and I grabbed the picture of me and Jake on my way out.

I drove my old truck as fast as it would go all the way to La Push. For a change it wasn't raining today. I was so excited to see Jacob. I couldn't decide on telling him about my revelation today. I still didn't know if I could be involved with him romantically. I had no idea what was to come of our relationship. I was now capable of moving forward but I wasn't sure that going to the next level so soon was a good idea. It wasn't as if I could just follow my heart. I had made great progress today in healing, but traces of Edward lingered in every piece of my heart and I knew that following my heart would be trouble.

If I couldn't follow my heart then what could I follow? _My mind_. No, my mind was always blurred in confusion, in doubt. My judgement clouded by every past mistake. I was beginning to think that my mind must be working in reverse. Everything I did seemed backwards, so maybe I should go about this another way. I was reminded of a poster in the school's guidance office. "The key to self preservation is self awareness." The one thing I was definitely aware of was my unique gift of being wired opposite.

My fears, my reserve. I had never been afraid of loving Edward, but I should have been. For what he was, for what he did to me, I should have been afraid. I was horrified to let my relationship with Jacob proceed, I feared losing a friendship. I feared forgetting Edward. I couldn' t help but to think that my restraint with Jacob, was because deep down, I knew that it was right.

My mind really does work in reverse. I decided that for the rest of the evening I would listen to the insecurites inside me. I decided to just

I pulled into Jake's house, but he didn't come out to greet me. Normally he would've already been by the side of my truck, with all of his werewolf speed. I knocked on the door, and in a few minutes Billy answered.

"Hi Billy. Is Jake here, I'm supposed to meet him."

"Hello Bella. Jake said for you to meet him at the beach, you know the spot."

"Thanks, Billy. See you later."

I knew exactly where Billy meant and I hurriedly made my way there.

In just a few minutes I spotted Jake. Even from far off he was beautiful. Gorgeous. I made my way closer when I realized that I was extremely under dressed. Jacob was wearing khaki pants, and a white button up shirt, un-tucked.

"Hi Bella."

"Jake, what is this?"

"Well I figured since your always cooking for me, I'd return the favor. I can't take all the credit, Emily helped me."

I peaked around Jacob to see a blanket spread out on the ground and a basket filled with food.

"Oh. Jake, how sweet. But it wasn't necessary, I enjoy doing things for you. It's the least I can do for you constantly saving my life."

"Here sit down." he grabbed my hand and helped me over the rocks. Inadvertently helping me to avoid any collisions with the ground.

Jake brought out two plates of food already prepared. Grilled chicken and pasta.

"This looks really edible. I'm glad Emily helped you."

We both began to eat, and the evening air felt nice against my face. Neither one of us really spoke much. And when we had finished Jake cleared the mess and packed the basket up.

"You're not lifting a finger." He had said when I offered to help. So I sat back down on the blanket watching the waves crash into the rocks.

Jacob came back to my side and grabbed my hand. He began tracing the invisible lines on my hand again. I realized how nice his touch felt, now that the invisible lines around my heart were gone.

_Follow your inhibitions _, I reminded myself. I closed my eyes and just took in his touch. The softness of his finger. Butterflies began to form in my stomach and I inched myself closer to his body.

After a moment Jacob laid down, pulling me with him. I propped my head up on his massive shoulder. _Follow your inhibitions_.

Jacob began rubbing my hair and a calm washed over me. It felt nice. Of course Jacob was always patting, or rubbing, or petting me. He felt compelled to comfort me, and I didn't object. But this, tonight, felt so much better. His touch had always affected me, but I would never allow myself to respond. I had to stop the feelings short to prevent hurting Jacob. _Follow your inhibitions_.

I placed my finger on Jacob's arm and began to move up and down his forearm. Are forearms supposed be this big. Jacob leaned into me, and kissed me on the forehead.

I sat up abruptly remembering the photograph in my pocket. I pulled I out and reached it to Jake.

"Look what I found today."

"This is priceless." he said, smiling from ear to ear.

At the same time we said "we ended up in the river". And then we both burst into laughter.

I rolled over on my side, to face him. He was lying down again with his arm around me. I wanted to speak, but I didn't know what to say. His eyes met mine and locked. For a moment I could see into his soul, and I wondered if he could do the same. If he could glimpse into my soul he would know what happened today, he would understand.

I leaned into him without thought, his face just barely away from mine. Our lips met, soft at first, reserved. Then with more force and passion. The taste of him was incredible. His lips were sweet yet paralyzing. He pulled me closer and every curve of my body was crashing into his. Slowly he moved his tongue between my lips and explored my mouth delicately, gliding along my teeth, and then with more passion. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe. This kiss was incredible, mind altering. My fingers were entwined with Jacob's hair, and my body was forcing itself onto his. I returned the favor, allowing my tongue into his mouth, tasting his beauty. _Follow your inhibitions._

A/N: Reviews = happiness :)

If you Team Jacob, show your love...


	5. Chapter 5: The Hero

Disclaimer: I do not own any of it or it's likeness...no infringement intended.

Chapter 5

Kissing Jacob came so natural. I could allow myself to respond to every emotion. It was a nice change for me. There was no reservation, no consequence. Our first kiss was more than magical. It left both of us breathless and longing for more.

"Jacob. I…I…" I struggled for the words, for breath, for thought.

"Jacob." I started again, but I couldn't force the words out.

"Bella, where did that come from?"

"I'm sorry." I replied, not sure what more to say.

"No, no. Don't be sorry, that was… well… pretty incredible."

"But… did you… well…did you mean it?" he asked with concern evident on his forehead.

"What?" I had no idea where he was going with this. I was still breathless, still speechless, still helpless.

"I've thought long and hard about kissing you. And, you certainly didn't disappoint. I just want to make sure you're ready for this. I want you to really want it."

I just looked up to Jacob. I could see hope and optimism in his eyes. Immediate regret consumed me, for all the times I had hurt him. I had rejected Jacob out irrational fear. Everything that had happened, had brought us to this moment. And for all of the hurt, the pain, the misery, this moment was worthwhile.

"I just don't want you to blame it on Emily's pasta. She'll let it go to her head." Jacob said trying to lighten the mood.

"Jacob, you know I'm broken, right?" I said. My eyes were fixated on the pattern of the blanket. Silence. When I looked up he looked at me with compassion and love in his eyes and nodded.

"I don't know how this will go. I don't know how it will end. But, I am trying to move forward. Allow myself to react to what I feel."

"Promise one thing." As strong as he was he seemed so vulnerable, like he was on the verge of collapsing any second.

"Sure. Anything."

"I won't be the one to be the rebound guy. I'll be the one to be **_the one_**."

Sincerity and honesty flowed from Jacob. Becoming a werewolf really had matured him. In addition to gaining obscenely huge muscles, insane amounts of strength and graceful speed, he was intuitive and brilliantly wise. I was reminded of how completely inadequately, average I was.

"Jacob, you put the pieces of my heart back together. I don't know how much it will be, but I will love you with it as much as it will allow." I hoped the words that I felt came out in a coherent sentence.

A few moments passed and Jake got up, pulling me with him.

"We've got ice cream at home. Would be a perfect ending to a perfect evening," he said smiling wide.

"Sounds great."

Jacob grabbed the blanket and basket as I got to my feet. He freed up his left hand to put around me. The night air was chilly and I moved closer to get myself warm. I really didn't like to be cold, I almost loathed it.

Being with Jacob felt like the stars must feel on a clear night. Beautiful magnified. That's what Jacob was; beautiful magnified. He was warm and inviting. His smile was infectious, as evidenced by the picture in my sweatshirt pocket. My mind reflected on the image. A little doe-eyed girl, clumsy and awkward and a russet skinned Quileute boy, with a bright big smile. It was hard to believe were life had taken them. Were life had taken us.

Moving forward wasn't going to be easy. I still loved Edward, of this I was sure. I would love him forever. But I wanted…no needed…I needed to make room for Jacob in my heart somewhere. He deserved to be loved as much as I did.

I let him drive back to his house and I sat as close to him as possible. I wanted to be next to him but, mostly because I needed his warmth. I really didn't like to be cold.

Jacob was on his third bowl of vanilla ice cream, when Paul and Jared came in. I looked at the clock and it was almost 10:00 pm.

"Jake, I should probably be going." I really didn't want to leave but I had school tomorrow and I needed rest.

"I'll walk you out."

I said my goodbyes to Jake's friends and to Billy. Halfway to my truck, I begin to feel the ground move away from me. Before I knew it, Jacob was carrying me in his arms, screaming something about kidnapping me. At first I thought I had tripped and was falling. Story of my life. Once I realized it was just Jacob, I began to laugh.

Jacob sat me down on the hood of my truck.

"Bella."

"Yes."

"Can I kiss you goodnight?" he playfully asked.

I smiled at his gesture and pointed up to my cheek.

"Here."

Jacob leaned in to me. His smell was intoxicating. His warmth paralyzing. I could feel his breath on my face. I waited for him to peck me on the cheek. But before I could register it, his lips came crashing into mine.

Just like before, his kiss was soft and patient. Then my lips parted and with no restrain I responded back. I could tell from the quiet moans that this was pleasing Jacob, which made my insides melt. I was making him happy. I smiled to myself. _Happy_.

"Umm…cheek…Jacob Black…I said cheek." I scoffed as soon as the wind was back into my lungs.

"You know the hero gets a better kiss than a cheek," he whispered into my ear.

"So you think you're a hero?" I retorted.

"Yep, and right now I feel pretty invincible. Must be all that ice cream." He winked at me and picked me back up into his arms.

"Don't go flying off any buildings, OK?"

_______________________________________________________________________

I still felt elated on Monday morning. Even Charlie noticed it. He was still getting used to seeing me happy. It was a change from the zombie state I was once in.

"Suppose you and Jacob must have had a good night."

"What…no… what does that mean?"

"Oh Bella, I may be old but I'm not blind. I see how that boy looks at you."

Charlie wasn't the romantic type. Neither was I for that matter. But Jacob had filled me with happiness. The simplest things were bringing smiles to my face. He brought about a new appreciation for life.

"I'm glad to see life in you again, Bells. But same rules apply."

"Wha..What?"

"I like Jacob. He's practically part of the family. But, he's still a boy. Do you understand?"

"Oh my! Dad. Let's not talk about this OK?"

After my uncomfortable conversation with Charlie I flew out of the house. I really didn't want to have that talk with Charlie. I knew how to be responsible. But that possibility seemed so far off.

My mind wandered and I begin to get lost in thoughts of Jacob. Was he thinking about me? Would I get to see him this evening? Did he have an uncomfortable talk with Billy? After a minute, I decided that he probably had not.

I pulled into my usual parking space and made my way inside. It had started to rain, so I was able to get in the building unscathed. My victory was short lived.

"Bella."

It was Jessica. Great. I grabbed my notebook from my locker and turned around to meet her.

"Hi Jessica. Good morning." I tried to be polite.

"So are you and the Quileute boy an item. I think it's great if you are. He's a real good looking guy. I mean you've done well for yourself."

I didn't know really how to respond to Jessica's compli-insults. On one hand she's trying to say something nice, for her own esteem benefit. But, then on the other, she's completely passive-aggressive.

"Jacob's my friend, you know that."

"Well I know, but it seems like more. You two are inseparable" she said forcing a smile. "Are you bringing him to prom?"

Prom. No. _Edward. _Hello salt, meet, open wound. What was she trying to do? Destroy me. Terrorize me. Slowly agonize me to death.

The prom was one of few happy memories I had of my time with Edward. Letting go of him was going to be a little harder than I realized. Edward, the Cullens, were such a huge part of my life. I couldn't just forget them. I didn't want to. I wanted to be able to think of them, remember them, without breaking in to a million pieces.

"Bella, did you here me? Prom?"

"Uh. No. I don't think so."

"Too bad."

I turned to see Mike Newton standing behind me. Great he had heard our conversation.

"Jacob probably isn't a very good dancer, anyway." Mike said condescendingly.

"Neither is Bella. Perfect match, don't you think?" Jessica chimed in.

I could have interjected at this point with an insult of my own. But I just forced a laugh, and made my way down the hall.

Mike was jealous of Jacob, and he should be. For everything Jacob was, Mike could never be. Shape shifting werewolf included. And I would bet that Jacob is a really good dancer especially, if his kissing was any indication. The thought made me smile.

I couldn't wait for school to be over. I had to work at Newton's until 6:00 on Mondays and Thursdays after school. I also worked on Saturdays, except when I was jumping off of cliffs or being chased by vampires.

I found myself thinking of Jacob throughout the day. My concentration was distorted and I could not focus. I spent my lunch time in the library working on a research paper, mostly avoiding Mike and Jessica. I did not want to be the subject of their scrutiny. Would this day ever end?

** A/N Please go review. Jacob Black will love you for it.**


	6. Chapter 6: Insomnia

**Disclaimer: Guess who doesn't own Twilight....Me.**

Playlist for Chapter 6 Please Don't Stop the Rain by James Morrison

**Chapter 6**

**Jacob - Monday**

I tried to sleep. I closed my eyes, but sleep wouldn't come. I rolled over on my stomach, but sleep wouldn't come. I pulled the pillow over my head, but sleep wouldn't come. I tried counting sheep. I tried counting backwards. I tried to think happy thoughts, but…yep…sleep wouldn't come. The sun was making its first appearance of the day and I had yet to get forty winks.

Now I could blame it on the weeks of constant night patrol. The nights spent on high alert waiting for that red-haired blood sucker. The nights were sleep wasn't an option, trying to keep La Push safe, trying to keep Bella safe. But I knew that wasn't the reason.

I could blame it on the incredible night I just spent with Bella. Her sweet lips, the way her hair looked in the moon light. Her sweet, sweet smell…her taste...her touch...her smile and her laugh. After being absent for so long, I welcomed all of it back excitedly. Seeing her happy was the greatest feeling in the world. _Happy_.

I had desired Bella unrelenting for months. As hard as it was to suppress my feelings for her, I managed to maintain some level of composure to be her friend. I could tell she was suffering; There was nothing more that I wanted to give to her than refuge. Some minor relief from her internal war. Sure enough, without really trying I had won her over. At least for now.

But excitement wasn't the real reason of sleeplessness.

The truth of my insomnia was lingering in the back of my mind, torturing me every waking second. It was him. The bloodsucker. The leech. The fact that I had kept his possible return from Bella, that was keeping me awake at night. She would be more than upset if she knew the truth.

Of course I wasn't certain it was Edward, but it had to be one of the Cullen's. Only a Cullen would honor the treaty and stop at the border. Our patrol had picked up the scent a couple times at the border. Not much of a concern in the beginning. Sam had threatened anyone of us that followed. The treaty was clear and we were forbidden to pursue them. No trouble was made. No harm no foul. But two nights ago Embry picked the scent up again. Sam thought maybe one of them was in the area when we were disposing of Victoria. Sam's theory was that they picked up the trail, came to investigate and then left again.

So again, I wasn't for sure it was Edward. It could have been anyone of their coven. But Bella was mending, her heart healing. She was finally capable of loving again. I didn't need him coming back to take her from me, or hurt her again. I wouldn't allow it. If she realized one of them came back and it wasn't him, she would be equally devastated. I was sure that being reminded he wasn't coming back would be mind-numbing, spiraling her back into the zombie state she was trying to overcome.

I decided to make my rounds before school. Sam would be upset to know that I went out on my own patrol. It was for the greater of the pack and for Bella. But mostly for my own benefit. I needed to settle my uneasiness, if for no other reason. I ran the parameters of the border, and no hint of leech anywhere.

Relief, perhaps a little presumptive, but relief. Bella was safe of that monster, at least for today.

School was miserable, as usual. Pointless really, but Sam said we needed to continue or people would question our absence. Keeping the wolf secret was one of the hardest aspects of this life.

I made my way through the school halls to the cafeteria to join my friends. Quil and Embry tried to pry the details of my "date" with Bella. But I wasn't one to kiss and tell. I certainly didn't want to jinx this. I didn't really want them to know about last night but they had been over at Sam and Emily's, while she was helping me.

"Oh come on Jake, you know as soon as we phase, we're gonna know everything. Might as well spill it." Quil said.

"Quil's right, you can't keep your mind off her, man," Embry chimed in trying to add to Quil's argument.

"Things with me and Bella are going slow, when there's news, I'm sure you will know." I had hoped that would satisfy their curiosity for now.

"If she survives your cooking. It'd be a shame for Bella to live through drowning and vampire attacks, just to die from some bad chicken."

Embry was laughing hysterically by the time he finished.

I hit him in the shoulder to jar him back to reality.

"That's not even remotely funny. Not even in funny's neighborhood. So could you chill?"

I left, before they could finish pissing me off entirely. It would be something to phase in the school cafeteria.

The rest of the day crawled by and I couldn't wait to get home. I wanted to call Bella, but she was working, so talking to her would just have to wait.

By the time 5:30 rolled around I couldn't wait anymore. I had tried to work in the garage, but couldn't get my mind focused. I had been getting a few mechanic repair jobs from people on the reservation and currently was working on a Camaro. I needed to get the car finished but my head was spinning out of control. I missed Bella. I missed her badly, like a fish misses water.

I decided to get myself cleaned up and go to Newton's. I couldn't wait for Bella to get off from work. I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable with me there, but I had to see her. I had to know she was okay.

I sat in the Rabbit for a few minutes, and then I saw her coming out. She looked beautiful. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail, and she was fidgeting nervously with her keys. She had on a dark blue shirt, revealing just a hint of her collarbone. She was breathtaking in blue. I wondered if anyone had ever told her.

Mike Newton was walking out with Bella. He looked like a lost puppy. Then he spotted me in the parking lot by Bella's truck. He instinctively closed the gap between them and grabbed Bella's arm. He turned just enough to where she couldn't see me. He leaned over and whispered something in her ear, which caught her off guard. I could tell she was uneasy by his advances. I couldn't figure out why Bella was even nice to him, he was a jerk. Even in all of her humility, she surely had to see it. I sat still, keeping a watchful eye on Mike. I knew if I got out of the car, I might tear him limb for limb. He would be an easy target to release some of my pent up bloodsucker frustration. I shook off the thought, just as Bella's eyes met mine.

A wide smile graced her face and she lit up all over. She was glad to see me, just as I was glad to see her.

She rushed through an attempt at goodbye with Mike, and hurried over to my car.

"Jake, what a great surprise!" she said as she opened the passenger side door.

"Happy to see me, are you?" I responded a little too eagerly, but I couldn't help it.

"More than you know. Once again you've saved me."

She seemed relieved that I was here. I couldn't help but wander what Mike had said to her that was so upsetting.

"I hardly call a wimpy teenage boy a threat, compared to your normal vices."

She grinned at my attempt to lessen the mood. She was fuming and her cheeks were rosy red. I couldn't help but smile at her. Even in her fury she was beautiful. She was biting down on her bottom lip trying to regain her composure. Again, she was beautiful. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before speaking.

"I would rather fight vampires, werewolves and Bigfoot any day of the week, than go to the prom with Mike Newton."

_Prom. Huh_.


	7. Chapter 7: Waves

Disclaimer: I do not own any of it or it's likeness...no infringement intended.

Chapter 7

It had been a long week. I had spent most of my time catching up on homework or working and spending my free time with Jacob. My regular Saturday shift at Newton's was dragging by. Other than Bruce, one of Newton's daily visitors, the store had been empty for over two hours.

Although time was crawling by, at least Mike wasn't working today. He had been avoiding me after my rejection on Monday. I was extremely relieved of his absence.

Prom. Who was he kidding anyway?

Mechanically, I began to wipe down the counter next to my cash register. All of the daily chores had been done, and I was left to create myself some work to do.

I could distract myself fairly easily by thinking of Jacob. It had been one week since our first kiss. And although the rest of the week had been mostly uneventful, I had thoroughly enjoyed every minute I spent with Jake.

I was incredibly relieved and felt like I had overcome the insurmountable snares fate had thrown at me. For once, I wasn't being chased by deadly vampires or paralyzed by the departure of the vampire that I loved. I no longer was inflicting self-harm to hear his voice, buried somewhere deep within my twisted self-conscious. I relished in the fact that for once, my life was pretty tame. The waves that had overwhelmed me for so long had calmed and I could tread water again. The storm was over and the sunshine had appeared. Jacob Black, my sunshine, had appeared.

"Penny for your thoughts, dear."

Mrs. Newton interrupted my revelry.

"Oh, sorry Mrs. Newton, I was just day dreaming. Is there something that I can help you with?"

"No dear, I was actually coming to tell you that you were relieved for the day. It's pretty slow here, so I'll close up."

"Oh well thank you." I said appreciatively.

"Bella, enjoy your Saturday nights now. Once you're in college you'll be spending them studying. "

I nodded at her, she had no idea that I hadn't even thought of college, let alone my weekends spent there.

"Um, Mrs. Newton, do you mind if I use the phone?"

"Sure, help yourself."

I had planned on going to La Push later tonight with Charlie. Billy had invited us up for a bon fire. Since I was leaving work early, I thought I'd see what Jake was doing and maybe catch up with him a little earlier than scheduled.

I automatically dialed the number. My fingers were tapping against the mahogany desk in the Newton's office, signifying my impatience. Seven rings later, Billy answered. I suppose I seemed very eager or persistent, since most normal girls would have hung up after the fourth ring.

"Hi, Billy. Is Jake there?"

"No, Bella, he's with the rest of them at Sam's." By them, he meant the pack.

"When do you expect him back?"

"Well, I'm not sure. There was a last minute meeting and I don't really have any idea. Wolf business, you know?"

I sighed into the phone, and could feel the rejection all over my face.

"Bella, could you tell Charlie the bon fire has been postponed? We'll do it another night."

With that, he hung up. The next sound I heard was the dial tone.

I thought back to the last time Billy was so evasive with me. I was forbidden to see Jacob. If not for my stubbornness I may have never saw him again. I couldn't imagine what was going on now. The last time Jacob was mutating into a giant wolf. What possibly could be going on now? It wasn't enough that there was an emergency "wolf" meeting but the bon fire was cancelled. Something was wrong. I could feel it.

Billy would have felt comfortable telling me if there was another vampire in the area, if for no other reason than to warn me.

I felt nervous, uneasy. The waves were picking up, it seemed. So much for treading water.

I couldn't wrap my mind around it. I placed the receiver, now blaring an automated voice, back on the dock and made my way outside.

The rain was really coming down now, and although it was hardly 4:00, it was so dark. Once inside my truck I started feeling nauseous. My stomach was in knots and my heartbeat racing out of control. My palms were sweating.

I couldn't go without Jacob for weeks, like I had before. I wouldn't live through it. I was fighting back the bile in my throat; sweat beading on my forehead. My mind was taunting me, hinting to me the unspoken severity of my conversation with Billy.

What? What if? No. It couldn't be? I grew sicker at the thought.

What if Jacob had imprinted?

My happiness stolen right out from under me. The waves crashed in on me at the speed of light. My Jacob was destined to be in love with another woman for all of eternity, while I was forced to watch it play out like a Lifetime Movie. I had seen what imprinting had done to Leah Clearwater. I was not strong enough to face that. There wasn't enough of me left to break like that again.

I was hyperventilating and I cursed under my breath, still fighting back the bile that was fighting its way out. Just like fate to take away the second person I had ever loved.

I lay down in my seat for a moment trying to regain my sanity and not lose my lunch.

I was unsure how long I laid there, no more than ten or fifteen minutes I had assumed. I calmed myself enough to not panic until I knew the real reason. I was on edge without cause. I didn't know that something horrible was happening. That meeting could have been about anything.

Realizing how dramatic my overreaction was I laughed out loud. I couldn't accept the happiness that I was so evidently surrounded by. I rose up and shook it off.

I decided a drive would ease my mind. The rain had let up and I really didn't want to go home. Charlie wouldn't be there for another hour.

I turned the key in the ignition, and the engine began to protest. The sputters and spats continued. But then she roared to life and I was on my way. I couldn't help but notice how sluggish my truck seemed to be running today. It was to be expected with the age on her. I would get Jake to look at it _if_ I saw him again. No, _when_ I see him again.

I drove around the winding roads of Forks for a little while, not really going anywhere at all. I wished for some sort of distraction. I didn't have a radio in my truck. It met its demise shortly after Edward left. I had never really felt like replacing it. Quil, however did seek pity on me and gave me an MP3 player given to him for his birthday. He said a girl in his biology class had given it to him. He thought I needed it more than he did. Quil was the newest wolf in the pack and I felt closer to him than any of the others, besides Jacob. I knew the rest of the pack somewhat resented me for my relationship with the Cullen's, their natural enemy.

I eventually found myself just outside of La Push. I was in a familiar place, a road I knew all too well. Thanks to my time spent with Jacob.

I rationalized that since I was already so close I'd just drive into La Push, hoping on an off chance that I'd see Jacob.

I wasn't too far away when the noises coming from under the hood grew louder. The truck vibrated beneath me. The engine let out a loud sputter and then died. I tried turning the key again but nothing. Perfect.

I decided to just walk the rest of the way; it was only about a mile. I could call Charlie for help once I got to a phone.

I had only made a few steps when the sky above me suddenly got dark and the rain begin to fall fiercely. The fog was so thick around La Push, I could hardly see in front of me. I pulled my rain jacket tighter, thanking God that I had left it in my truck.

Once again, I was feeling panicky. I was on edge today.

Then the waves began crashing in on me, once more. I heard a sound and stopped in my tracks. I turned but nothing. I could hardly see through the rain.

I picked up the pace and then I heard footsteps. They seemed faint at first and then louder, gaining speed with each step. I again sped up my pace, only to find myself stumbling in the dark, over the wet road.

I thought about screaming, but no one would hear me. I was alone, except for the person or thing behind me. So I did the most illogical thing I could do. I stopped. Whoever or whatever was behind me would catch me sooner or later. I might as well face it.

I turned to face my pursuer, I was certain it was some sort of monster. After all, I did seem to attract them. I didn't really believe that anything was a myth anymore.

"Hey you shouldn't be out here at dark," the figure said.

"I could say the same for you. What exactly do you want?"

My new bravery sounded amazing even to me. For a moment, the whole situation seemed surreal.

"I followed you from Newton's. I thought you could use some help when your truck broke down."

Help. I wanted to be relieved that someone was here to help me. But I had left Newton's over an hour ago. I had driven aimlessly around Forks before turning onto the road to La Push. Whoever this person was, he was not here to help me.

He was standing about 10 feet from me, but I couldn't make out his features. The rain was coming so violently and the thick fog had limited my visibility.

There was a familiarity in his voice, but I couldn't place it.

"I'm meeting a friend about a mile from here. I'll just walk it. I'm fine."

"Bella, I think about you a lot."

So he knew me, but did I know him?

Was this really happening? Was my life really going to play out every single stereotypical horror movie? The only thing missing was a chainsaw.

He moved closer and in an instant was reaching out to me.

"_Run. Bella, you have to run_."

My heart sank. It was his voice, Edward's sweet velvet voice. He was warning me of the danger behind me. I had nearly killed myself to hear it and here it was, clear and concise. But, I didn't have time to register it or what it meant. I complied with Edward's request and moved my legs as fast as they would go.

Fear swept through me and my body ached from it. I ran for the longest time but I was no match for whatever was behind me. The rain was making it more difficult to move and soon enough my clumsy body failed me. I found myself lying on the ground beside the road.

Waves were crashing uncontrollably over my head.

I picked myself up and began running again. I was running again. Why was I always running?

Screams were forming inside my chest and my throat burned as they forced their way out of my body.

I ran. I ran until my legs went numb. I began to stumble and struggle. I felt disconnected and then a hard thrust into my back. I hit the ground beneath me with earth shattering force. I could feel his hands ripping at my jacket.

"_Fight, Bella, fight_."

Edwards voice again.

I kicked and screamed. I punched and screamed. I fought until I had freed myself and began crawling. I was no longer on the road, not sure how I ended up in the forest. The rain was coming harder and the wind was howling abruptly. I was so cold. I was freezing. I hated to feel cold.

I must have blacked out, because I woke up to the smell of blood. I was nauseous at the scent of it. But before I could begin heaving, I realized I was being drug by my feet through the forest. My arms were being scraped by the thick brush beneath me, causing them to bleed. I noticed my jacket was gone and my shirt was nearly ripped off me. I closed my eyes. I didn't have the strength to break free, though every part of me wanted to. I couldn't scream my throat would barely open.

I was no longer moving. Time had stopped. I willed my eyes open, only to see the green blanket of moss beneath me. Even with my terrible sense of direction, I could feel we were far away from the road. I couldn't feel my legs and feet. My hands and arms burned like fire. My throat was raging with pain, and heat. I couldn't swallow and my mouth was dry as bone. The rain was still coming down and my hair, my body was soaked.

Is it over? Will he leave me here? Should I try to escape? Is he gone?

My mind was filled with questions. There wasn't any movement anywhere. I couldn't help but to think about the last time I was lying on the thick lush floor of Washington forest.

I tried to gather my thoughts but before I could develop a plan to survive, my assailant had his hands on my exposed stomach.

"Be still. Quit shaking."

I hadn't even realized I was shaking. My brain was telling my body to stop but it refused to comply. My teeth were chattering fiercely. I was freezing cold and wet. I hated being cold.

"You know Bella you're such a tease. I'm really sorry you're scared. I didn't want it to happen like this, but I had to cease the opportunity that was given"

I felt a sudden burst of pain to the side of my face. My ear burned and throbbed. The forest was spinning wildly and I vomited all over my attacker.

Another burst of pain to the other side of my face. My entire head was on the verge of exploding, the pain unbearable.

After surviving, after healing, after finally feeling free, I was going to die. It was finally going to happen. I had cheated death many times, but I was sure my end was near. This man was going to take my life and I didn't even know him. Of all the ways to die, especially for me, this seemed ironic.

Flashes of Jacob roared through my mind like an old silent movie. I was losing Jacob and he would be losing me. My heart broke at the thought of the hurt he would endure.

Edward's voice, velvet smooth, spoke to me again. "Beg him, Bella, for your happiness, beg."

"Please don't." I pleaded. "Please."

**A/N Please go review or Edward's coming back!**


	8. Chapter 8: Vigilant

Disclaimer: I do not own any of it or it's likeness...no infringement intended.

Playlist for Chapter 8 - _Tonight_ - Raining Jane

Chapter 8

"Bella. Bella, are you OK?"

"Jacob... Jacob is that you? The words barely came out.

"No, it's Quil. How do you feel? Do you need anything?"

"Where's Jacob?" I whispered. I couldn't open my eyes.

"He's detained at the moment."

"Is he safe?"

"Pretty sure the odds are in his favor." Jared replied.

"How did you know to find me?"

Quil answered, always ready to tell a good story.

"Well Charlie was on his way up to the bonfire. He saw your truck on the road but couldn't find you. He thought you must have made it to the bon fire some other way. But when he arrived at the beach, it was empty. He went to Billy's, only to find out that no one had seen you. So we came looking for you. We phased, heard your screams and here we are. "

I was cold and wet. I ached all over. My arms burned. My legs were numb. My throat was on fire. I could feel the damp ground underneath me and I shivered at the cold.

"Bella, can you hear me?" This time it was Charlie, he was bent down next to me. His breath shallow and his voice hollow. I opened my eyes.

"Dad, yeah, I can hear you?"

Before I finished the answer, Charlie was up on his feet yelling.

"Jacob you're going to kill him, turn him loose. You're not the only one who wants a shot at this piece of shit."

I couldn't help but wonder if Jacob was still phased into a werewolf.

"Quil."

"Yes, Bella, I'm here."

"Is Jacob… is he…you know?" I whispered in an almost inaudible voice.

"Uh, Bella if he were still phased, don't you think Charlie would have passed out by now?"

I didn't argue with that logic. I closed my eyes trying to ignore the pain radiating through my body.

I was still freezing, and wet. Soon I was surrounded by a bunch of people I didn't know. I was being asked questions and poked and prodded like a white rat in a lab.

After what felt like an eternity, I was being carried out of the woods on a stretcher.

"I'd really rather walk."

"Always the martyr. Huh, Bella?"

Jacob. My heartbeat skipped time, and I thought for sure it would leap out of my chest.

My biggest fear was never seeing Jacob again, never holding him, never touching him, never kissing him. The memory was almost unbearable. But here he was by my side. Once again, Jacob Black was saving me.

Jacob rode in the ambulance with me to the hospital. Since my move to Forks, Charlie's insurance company had practically built the new wing onto Fork's only hospital.

My wounds and scrapes were cleaned and bandaged accordingly. I was checked out entirely from head to toe. Jacob never once left my side, holding my hand through everything. Finally, at midnight I had to force him to go home and sleep.

I ended up staying the night for observation but was released later the next day.

The car ride home had been somewhat solemn. Charlie was clearly focused on punishing my attacker. I was still focused on learning who it was.

"Tell me about him. Why did he do this to me?"

"Bells, are you sure about this? This can wait until you're ready."

"You have to ask me right? For your report?"

Charlie couldn't argue with that. It was standard procedure to interview the victim of any crime.

"Do you think you know him?"

"I never really saw his face. It was dark and raining. He seemed familiar but I, I just don't know."

"Well he knew you. He had pictures of you in his vehicle. From the evidence seized he had been following you for a long time."

"David's the last name, do you know a David?"

I shook my head. No. The name didn't ring a bell.

For all I didn't know, I did know that my attacker had been in his 30s. Most of the people I knew here in Forks were teenagers from school or friends of Charlie.

"It would really help if we could pinpoint where his obsession began. Trace his steps. We could put him away for a long time if we could prove he had planned this."

"Bruce David" Charlie repeated.

"Bruce?" I asked.

"Yes, he goes by David according to his neighbors."

If it was possible for me to turn any paler than I already was, I had. My head was swimming fast at this revelation.

"Bella, are you alright?"

"Bruce is a customer at Newton's. He's there every day."

"Bella, that has to be it. That has to be how he knows you. Once he is released from the hospital, he will pay for this. Your boy, Jake, really put a hurting on him."

I always thought it strange that someone would visit a sporting goods store every day, especially when shipments arrived only twice a month. I assumed that Bruce was lonely. He was always nice enough, and never acted out of the ordinary. But who was I to judge ordinary?

I sat dumb founded for the rest of the ride home. Not only had vampires chased me, but I also had a real life socio path on my trail. Only I could move to a town as small as Forks, and end up with a crazed stalker.

"Don't worry Bells, he will never hurt you again. We'll lock him away for a long time."

Charlie was in full swing with this investigation and he looked as tired as felt. I suppose I should act as if I was scared or shaken. But in reality, I was almost numb to it, just another day in the life of Bella Swan.

In the back of mind was concern for missing school. And the dreaded return and the inquisition that was sure to follow. I hated talking about myself it was always so embarrassing.

Charlie swung by the drug store before taking me home.

"Bella, I know you need me today. But, if I'm gonna nail this guy to the wall, I've got to work on this case."

"I understand, it's OK."

"Jacob is coming to stay with you until I get home. I doubt you'll argue with me on that."

Charlie sure did have a newfound trust for my relationship with Jacob. I supposed I wasn't really up for a teenage lust fest, so no need for alarm. I smiled at the thought.

The phone was ringing when we went through the door. It was Renee. I assured her that I was fine and that a gypsy hadn't cursed me. I promised to call her later and hung up.

I went upstairs and changed into my most comfortable sweats. It was a challenge to say the least, but after about ten minutes, I managed to accomplish getting dressed. I was still so sore.

"Bella, I'm leaving, Jacob's here. If you need anything call me."

"Sure thing," I mumbled, doubtful that Charlie even heard me. My throat sill was not allowing me to speak.

Before I heard the front door shut, Jacob was standing in my room.

"I was coming down, you know. Patience is a virtue."

"I thought I'd save you the trouble."

Jake leaned into me and kissed my forehead.

"I guess you're stuck with me for a babysitter today."

"I guess so."

I started to feel lightheaded and I had to lie down on the bed to keep from fainting. Jacob sat in the floor beside me.

"Bella, I'm so sorry that I let this happen. I didn't protect you."

"How could this be your fault? You didn't know. Nobody did."

"Protecting you is a constant job, I wasn't being vigilant enough."

I was waiting for the punch line and then I realized that he was serious.

"Jacob, I don't keep you around just to protect me. I do love you."

"I love you too, Bells."

I drifted off to sleep, thinking of Jacob and me, and our happiness. When Jacob was around it was hard not to be happy. _Happy._

**A/N: Please go review. **


	9. Chapter 9: Deserted

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

So I'm making great progress in updating the new/improved chapters. :) If this is your first time reading, please...please, review. Although the story is complete, I still love to hear from my readers and I'm still very much involved with this story.

Chapter 9

When I awoke, Jacob was still lying in the floor. He was sound asleep. I started to maneuver myself around him, but then thought better of it. I looked at the clock, 9:30 pm. I'd been asleep for five hours. Judging by the snores rumbling through his chest, Jake must have been really tired.

So I lay there in the dark, surrounded by my own thoughts. I had so much plaguing my mind. So much that was unsettled.

I still didn't know anything about Jacob's meeting at Sam's place. I couldn't help but feel apprehensive about the situation. Was I on the verge of losing him? Did my heart already know what my mind was waiting to hear? I shuddered at the thought. My breathing was coming in rapid bursts and I steadied myself against the headboard of my bed.

I wanted to know what had happened in the woods last night. Jacob hadn't said anything about his encounter with Bruce. I knew that thanks to Charlie, Bruce had managed to stay alive. What would have happened to me if the pack hadn't found me?

Thoughts of last night brought me to Edward. Why had Edward's voice come to me last night? I was moving forward, how unfair of my abnormal brain to conjure up such a thing. Would I ever be free from Edward? Did I want to be free? I wasn't trying to hear Edward, but I wasn't disappointed that his voice had come to me.

My mind shifted to school, I couldn't possibly miss any more classes and graduate. I pulled the cover over my head to drown out some of my self-loathing.

The sounds coming from Jacob had grown louder, and I peeked out to make sure he was all right. He sounded more like a bear than a wolf.

The only light in the room was the moonlight from outside and the glow from my alarm clock, which now said 9:50 pm. Even in such dim lighting, I could make out Jacob's features. He of course, as usual, wasn't wearing a shirt. Clothes were confining to the wolves, so most of the time they only covered what was necessary, leaving the very little for the imagination to desire.

I couldn't take staring at Jacob for much longer, his beauty was overwhelming. At least having him here with me had settled the rolling waves of fear that had encompassed me. I moved closer to the edge of the bed and reached my hand down to touch his face. I moved my finger along his jaw line. His skin felt so smooth and soft. I started tracing his lips, and without realizing it, I had moved my hand down to his chest. My touch caused him to stir, and after a few moments, he was awake.

"I thought you would never wake up."

"You should have tried a kiss. Worked for Snow White," Jacob laughed.

"I'm starving, Bells. How about I go rustle us up some grub?"

"Sure thing partner," I said in my best Dirty Harry voice. I wasn't convincing. Jacob just laughed at my attempt.

After Jacob finished off half of the food contents in our house, we went into the living room.

I looked out the window and saw my truck parked on the curb. The light beaming down on it was coming from the lamp across the street. In the excitement of my latest death-defying event, I had forgotten that I had abandoned it on the roadway.

"My truck. Did you fix it?"

"Yep, it's amazing what a gallon of gas will do for a vehicle." Jacob said grinning sheepishly.

"I ran out of gas. Impossible" I exclaimed.

The fuel gauge was stuck. Don't fear though, already fixed. No need to thank me or nothing." Jacob said, while pointing to his lips.

"You are my hero." I said as I made my way to kiss him.

I should be accustomed to kissing Jacob. But each time we kissed, the excitement poured out of me. Just as I was losing myself in the moment, the phone rang.

Renee. I never called her back. The person calling had to be Renee.

"I'll get it, stay here." Jake said running to the phone.

I couldn't make out who he was talking to but he was in a deep exchange. I was certain it was not Renee.

By the time I made my way to the staircase, he had hung up. The color was drained from his face and he looked like he was going to throw up.

"Jake, what's wrong?"

I could feel the _waves_ picking back up and my body was flooded with uncertainty.

"Bella, go pack a bag. Some clothes, a toothbrush, whatever you will need for a couple of days."

"What? What are you talking about?" I couldn't comprehend what was happening. My head started spinning. What could possibly be wrong?

Jacob's demeanor changed from extreme fear to frustration. His brow furrowed and his hands were balled into tight fists.

"Go, Bella, now. Go pack."

His tone of voice was so urgent that I didn't hesitate any longer. There would be time to ask questions later.

As I was packing my overnight bag, I could hear Jacob downstairs on the phone. His tone was strong and fierce. Although I couldn't make out the words, he reminded me of an army general the way he was passing out orders.

A few moments later, I had packed up everything I needed, and I grabbed the fishing trip picture on my way out. I ran downstairs, bag in tow. I didn't know where I was going or how long I would be gone. My thoughts raced and I struggled to keep up with them.

"What's going on? Jake, I need to know."

"I'll explain on the way. Go get in the car."

I hurried to Jacob's car. I began looking over my shoulder, unsure of what it was that was chasing me. I was running. Again, I was always running.

"Is this necessary?"

Jacob started the car and sped out onto the street. He seemed intense in his thoughts, and I wasn't sure I should interrupt him. We were leaving Forks, but I didn't know why.

I couldn't take the silence anymore.

"Tell me what's going on. Who was on the phone?" I blurted out.

"It was Charlie." Jacob replied.

Charlie. Something was wrong with Charlie. Had he gotten hurt on the job? Oh no, Charlie.

"Bella, Bruce David was released from the hospital a couple of hours ago. He was being transported to the county jail. The police cruiser that was transporting him slid off the road."

He paused, trying to find the words.

"He escaped. The officer driving was unconscious and somehow he escaped. He's armed and probably looking for you."

We had pulled into an abandoned gas station by a pay phone. Jacob got out of the car and started pacing. The phone rang, and he grabbed it immediately. He pulled a pen and a piece of paper from his pocket and wrote something down.

"Bella listen to me, Charlie has arranged for you stay in Port Angeles for a couple of nights. He's going to join you in the morning. It's my job to make sure you get there safe. "

"Why can't I stay in La Push?"

"Bella he knows that you would go to La Push. He could find you there. Charlie made reservations in Port Angeles. Here's the address," he said, waving the piece of paper at me.

We drove about two miles down the road and pulled into an old church parking lot. We were met by Quil and Embry, waiting in Emily's car. At first, I didn't understand why they were there. Wouldn't this just slow us down? Jacob seemed so persistent to get to Port Angeles. Then I realized that Jacob must have been talking to them while I was packing. They must be part of the plan.

At that realization, my sense of fear was heightened and I felt like I didn't fully comprehend the severity of the situation. Tears began to flow from my eyes. My body was full of panic.

_More waves._

Jacob was discussing something with Embry and Quil. More orders. He came over to the passenger side of the Rabbit and opened the door.

"Come on. You've got to get out."

I got out and followed Jacob over to where Embry and Quil were standing. Jacob handed Quil the piece of paper he had written on earlier.

"Guess we'll take it from here," Quil said, putting my overnight bag into the trunk of Emily's car.

"Jacob, you're not coming with me? I refuse to go without you." I had started sobbing at the thought of being without Jacob.

"Bella, listen I can't go with you. You'll be safe. Quil and Embry will stay with you tonight and Charlie will be there in the morning. You have to promise me, you'll look out for yourself."

"Why can't you come with me? Jacob, I need you." I was clinging to Jacob's arm, begging him not to go.

"Jake, why haven't you told her? She has to know." Embry said.

"Know what? Tell me what?" I screamed.

"We don't have time to get into it right now. Bella trust me if I could go with you I would. I can't. OK. I'm sorry." He kissed my forehead, then both my cheeks.

"Bella, honey, I love you. You will be safe. You will."

"You need to be going. Call me when you arrive." Jacob squeezed me. Usually his warmth was comforting to me, but I didn't feel comfort from him. I felt betrayed.

My life was at the mercy of some crazed killer, and the person I loved more than anything else, was deserting me.

This seemed all too familiar.


	10. Chapter 10: Ocean Floor

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter 10**

I wanted to wake up from this awful dream. I wanted this nightmare to be over. I couldn't lose Jacob; I couldn't be without him.

"Please, Jacob, don't leave me. What about your promise?" My sobs were louder than my words, and my throat was aching, and tight.

"Damnit Bella, why are you making this harder than it has to be?" Anger filled Jacob as he spoke, but it wasn't anger toward me.

Jacob was struggling with an internal conflict; and it was tearing him apart. If I kept pleading, maybe he would break and come with me. But before I could even begin, he was walking away.

"Bella, I love you," he said before he got into his car.

I felt lost, desolate, wounded, betrayed. Every emotion I was feeling turned to fury and every nerve in my body raged with anger.

I crawled into the back of Emily's car and watched Jake drive off, taking pieces of me with him.

"You have to tell me. I have to know what's going on." I demanded.

"We're going to Port Angeles to keep you safe." Embry said.

"I'm not talking about that. Jake. What's wrong with Jake?"

Silence.

Quil glanced at Embry before he spoke.

"Bella, you should really hear this from Jake."

"What if I never see him again?"

"Don't talk like that. All of this will soon be over."

"Quil, don't you dare patronize me. You know what's going on and it's unfair of you to keep it from me."

"Bella, relax. Jake will figure it all out and everything will be fine. He loves you too much to let anything come between you."

What could possibly come between us?

"Did Jacob… did he…imprint?" I asked fearful of the answer.

"No, he did not imprint. You really shouldn't worry about it right now. Jake gave us strict orders to keep you alive, because I assume he wants to see you again.

I really hated not knowing what was happening but I didn't argue with Embry. I had some sense of relief just knowing that imprinting wasn't the problem.

I guess I should have been worried about the man chasing me and living to see another day. But I couldn't get my mind wrapped around what had just happened with Jake. I was silent the rest of the trip. It didn't take long to get into Port Angeles. Werewolves drive almost as fast as vampires. Almost.

We arrived at the Olympic Lodge, and to my shock, the place was amazing. Charlie must have paid a fortune for a room here.

Quil checked in and came back out with two room keys. Looks like Charlie wasn't over his trust issues after all.

Our rooms were on the second floor, overlooking the pool. And after a quick check, I was released from the wolves' custody, to sleep in my own room.

I was exhausted. I decided I'd take a quick shower and go to sleep. I unzipped my bag to get out my pajamas and on top of my things was a white piece of folded paper.

I sat on the bed and while I unfolded the paper, some money fell out. I counted it to be $500.00. I continued with the folded paper and saw that it was a note from Jacob.

_**Bella,**_

_**I'm sorry that it has to be this way. So much is changing for me, changes that I can't control. **_

_**You know my ancestry. You know my heritage. You know the importance of the pack. The tribal meeting the other night was about me. The elders are ready for me to take the place that I was born for. Everyone has agreed that I'm the alpha of the pack. **_

_**I don't really want it and I'm still trying to figure it all out. It's different from being just a wolf, the sacrifices and the responsibilities are much greater. Please, honey, please just be patient with me. I promise to get everything figured out, so we can always be together.**_

_**Take care of yourself. I'll see you as soon as I can.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Jacob **_

_**PS**_

_**In case of emergency, use the cash.**_

I couldn't believe it. This didn't seem like such bad news, even though I didn't know much about the alpha. It couldn't be much different from just being a wolf. Could it? What was Jacob so upset about? After everything we've been through, this seemed like a conquerable obstacle.

After my shower, I tried to sleep, but I was wide awake. I turned the TV on to kill the silence. I grabbed the picture from my bag and just stared. It was so hard to believe that the little russet skinned boy in that photo was a werewolf. I smiled back at the Jacob in the photo, feeling warmth shoot through my veins. I was missing Jacob, terribly. I craved his warmth, his embrace, and his lips.

I had only been asleep about an hour, when I heard a gut wrenching siren blaring. I opened my eyes to find Embry standing over me.

"Bella, we've got to get out of here. There's a fire in the lobby."

I grabbed my bag and Embry was practically dragging me to safety. I could smell smoke in the corridor. The stairwell was crowded, but Embry pushed our way through.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"A diversion."

"Quil?' I asked out, out of breath.

"He's gone to get the car. We've got to get out of here."

We made our way outside. I wanted to ask Embry if Bruce had found me. But between the sirens and the sobbing sounds, I decided to wait until we were in a more secluded location. I was sure I already knew the answer.

Quil was running toward us, when we reached the parking lot.

"Bella get in the car and wait."

I didn't protest. I ran for Emily's car and hurled myself into the backseat. I had barely regained my composure when the front passenger door opened. I was relieved for a brief moment, knowing that we were leaving.

"Hi Bella."

I looked up to find that the person getting into the car was not Quil or Embry. It was Bruce. He climbed over into the driver seat and started the engine. Of course, Quil would leave the keys in the ignition.

"What do you want from me?" I screamed. "What did I ever do to you?"

The car jerked into reverse and I hit my head on the ceiling. Once we began moving forward I crashed into the middle console and ended up in the floor of the backseat.

I had given up on the "waves" analogy in my head. I was sure by now I was tied to a concrete slab that had settled at the bottom of the ocean floor, never to surface again.

We hadn't gone very far, when Bruce turned the car into an old garage. He grabbed the keys from the ignition and pulled me out the driver's side door.

At first I fought back, but it was useless. Bruce had at least a foot and a hundred pounds over me.

Once we were inside the garage, Bruce turned on the lights. He was familiar with the place and had obviously been here before. In the back corner, sat bags and boxes full of sporting equipment, bought over the last few months at Newton's. He grabbed a rope from one of the bags and tied my arms behind my back. Then he was gone.

My arms were numb and my neck was writhing in pain. My head pounded and I had been sweating. I wasn't ready to wake up, but I needed to move. My eyes opened and I didn't recognize any of my surroundings.

Bruce. He had moved me, but I didn't know where to.

My arms were still tied behind my back, and my feet were now tied together.

"You're beautiful when you sleep, Bella," his voice echoing in the empty room.

"This was all so easy. Charlie practically handed you over to me when he sent you to Port Angeles," he said, with insanity spilling from his eyes.

He was taunting me, teasing me. But I didn't break. I didn't utter one word. I needed to stay calm. He walked over to me and sat me upright.

"You know Bella you and I have a lot in common."

"I doubt it," I spat out, so much for calm.

"No we do. We seem to love people or things we shouldn't."

**A/N: I love reviews. I draw inspiration and encouragement from your opinions. **


	11. Chapter 11: Really Over

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 11

I looked at his eyes and saw hurt, more than insanity. I could tell that the thoughts going through his mind were painful.

"Bella, I know," he said, speaking even and soft.

"I know about Edward. The Cullens. You."

Edward. The Cullens. Me.

"What?"

"Bella, do you think you're the first human to fall in love with a vampire?"

He was less than an inch from my face and his hands were in my hair. I could feel the tears streaming from my eyes. Just the mention of loving Edward was hurtful. My heart ached and burned at the feelings I had suppressed for so long. For a split second, I wanted him to kill me and get me out of this misery. Death had to be better than reliving the devastation Edward caused, when he left me.

"I have never been to Forks. Even though I had lived in Port Angeles for almost five years, I just had never had a reason to visit."

He made himself comfortable by me, and placed his hand on my thigh. I flinched at his touch. I was feeling nauseous by being in such close proximity to this maniac that had tried to kill me.

After a moment he grinned, and removed his hand.

"Forks hospital. You know that place well, don't you, Bella? I found an ad in the newspaper. It was a 1964 Ford Fairlane. I love cars, classic American cars; much like your new beau."

Jacob. He knew Jacob.

"This car was a rarity, a Thunderbolt. Imagine my surprise to see that it was located in Forks."

He paused, soaking in the memory. "I couldn't wait to see it. I was lit up like a kid on Christmas."

I didn't know why, he was telling me all of this. I had no knowledge of cars. What did any of this have to do with me?

"The owner wasn't willing to show it to me until the next day. I just couldn't wait. So, I decided to find it myself. Forks is a small place. I had no problem finding it. Unfortunately, for me, I had to cross a rusty barbwire fence to actually see the car. I foolishly cut my leg crossing over the fence. It was worth it, she was a beauty."

He got up and moved toward the window, his back facing me. His fingers were tracing the bricks along the wall.

"It's funny how something, insignificant as a car, can be a momentous, life changing event."

"It hurt, even though it was a small cut, it really hurt. I knew it needed to be cleaned out and that I should probably get a tetanus shot. So...Forks Hospital."

He turned back to face me.

"The staff was friendly and my treatment was more than adequate. I was on my way out when I saw Dr. Cullen, Carlisle, and I immediately recognized what he was. It's not something you forget. That pale marble skin, their scent, their breath, and their eyes. Once you know, you never forget."

He paused for a moment and turned back to look out the window.

"I was awe inspired. How perfectly sinister-a vampire working as a doctor in a hospital. Genius. I didn't know that Carlisle was so noble upon our first meeting. I followed the good doctor down the hall to his office, where I saw another striking creature. Impossible, I thought. I moved closer, and heard Dr. Cullen introduce the striking young man as his son, Edward."

I was beginning to feel dizzy and hot. My breathing had become swift and hard.

"Shut up. Please, no. I don't want to hear anymore." I begged him. I didn't want to know anything more about Edward.

"Bella, I knew what they were. I was mesmerized by them. I wanted to leave the hospital, to leave Forks, but I couldn't bring myself to it. I had to stay. That was the first day I saw you. The way Edward looked at you. It was obvious he was in love with you, even if he didn't know it yet."

Bruce was at the hospital the day of the van incident. This was the only time Edward had ever been to the hospital. Even then, it was a risk of exposure.

"I wanted to know more about these vampires. Why they were among humans, and fronted as a family. So I made routine visits to Forks and did my research."

"Bella, I once loved a vampire too. Of course, she was very different from the Cullens. My first encounter with her was nearly my only." He smiled at the thought of her and then his smile turned into a deep frown, and hatred shot across his face.

"Our love affair only lasted a few months, it just couldn't be, and she left. I begged her to change me, to make me like her, but she wouldn't. She didn't know if she could."

"He hurt you, like she hurt me. Bella, I saw the hollow look in your eyes. I saw you become a zombie when he left, when your love died, when your soul died. I recognized myself in you. The pain. The torture. The treachery. Even though it has been fifteen years, I still hold onto the scars of the pain from when she left. I never moved on. I never lived again, I only existed."

His words seemed familiar. I could sympathize with the pain he must be feeling.

"Bella, I didn't intend to hurt you. At first, I felt like we were kindred spirits. You and I, well, we're wired a little differently than most people. Most humans avoid vampires, not because they know what they are, but because they have a natural instinct to protect themselves. We aren't like that. We are selfless in that way."

Although, I hated him for the torture I was enduring, I had to agree with what he was saying. It was all true, and I found myself completely connected to his emotions. I wanted to talk him down, to comfort him. I understood his madness and insanity. If I didn't have Jacob, I could have very well turned into this person in front of me.

"We were in love with the un-loveables. We were betrayed and dishonored by the ones who held our hearts. I wasn't alone in my misery anymore. Just seeing you suffer through life the way I had to for so long, it brought me relief." His voice grew louder, stronger, more forceful.

"Short lived relief. Because you, you were able to live again. I saw you recovering and hated you for it. You found happiness again, and it wasn't fair."

He had made his way behind me and was fumbling for something. When he appeared, again he was holding a handgun, the one stolen from the transporting officer.

"There's no end to this misery. I tried. I searched. I did everything I could not to think of it. Moving on was just not something I could do. She left me broken, helpless, a shell. My fate was worse than that of any vampire. I thought it was hopeless, my punishment for involving myself with something I didn't need to be involved with. But you, you survived it. "

He moved closer to me and fear soared through my veins. I had thought that losing Edward would kill me, but it didn't. Moving on, and finding love again after Edward was going to kill me. Oh, the irony.

I could feel my insides shaking. Bruce was quiet for about ten minutes, just twirling the handgun by the trigger. I thought he was trying to decide what he wanted to do, like he was unsure of his next move. I sat very still trying not even to breathe. I didn't want to provoke him. He turned the gun toward me. I closed my eyes and braced myself for the worst.

"I never thought I would find somebody, who knew the misery I lived in every day. Somebody who had endured so much hurt; someone who had their life's joy stolen from them. You, Bella, you were that somebody."

I could hear his breath coming more slowly.

"We weren't meant to love them. It's so hard to believe it would end this way."

I closed my eyes tighter. I saw Charlie and Renee. I saw my friends from school and La Push. I saw Edward and the Cullens. I saw Jacob, my sweet, sweet Jacob. I envisioned his warm, infectious smile from the photograph, still in my pocket. The last picture in my mind would be Jacob.

And then I heard a loud gunshot. Was it really over?

A/N: Please...please go review!


	12. Chapter 12: Resolves and Conflicts

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

So I'm making great progress in updating the new/improved chapters. :) If this is your first time reading, please...please, review. Although the story is complete, I still love to hear from my readers and I'm still very much involved with this story.

**Chapter 12**

**Jacob's POV**

I couldn't let Bella see me break. She couldn't see me cry. I needed to be strong. She needed to see me strong. I wasn't ready to let her go, but I knew she was on borrowed time. She would be safe with Quil and Embry. I had ordered them to protect her and if she was harmed in any way, they would face my wrath. Still, I couldn't help but feel guilty for handing her over to someone else for protection. I had just won her trust, her heart. And now, I had to break it.

During my drive back to the reservation, my mind was submerged in the growing amount of problems my life seemed to be collecting.

Bella. Alpha. Bella. Werewolves. Bella. Vampires. Bella.

I made it back to La Push in time for my first Alpha initiation with the elders. I really wasn't handling being the alpha very well. I was proud of my heritage, of my ancestors. I just wasn't sure I was ready. This meeting was why I couldn't go with Bella. It was very important, similar to my Freshman orientation, only more serious. Tonight would prove to be my first act of self-sacrifice. My entrance into the pack had been hard enough but being leader was something else, altogether. Sam had pretty much winged it. He was a leader out of necessity, but I was going to be held to a higher standard. I had a genetic predisposition to lead this pack.

I had begged the elders to allow Sam to continue being our alpha. Sam was good as our leader. He was calm, collected, and skillful. I was just a kid, how could lead anybody? The elders would hardly listen to my argument, it was done. It had been settled long before I was ever born. I had no choice but to own it. In addition to my recent physical changes, I had matured emotional and intuitively. My perception of things had changed immensely. That's how they knew it was time.

I hoped that my letter to Bella was enough, to calm her fears for now. I hadn't found the right time to explain all of this to her. What with her being chased by a psycho killer. I only had about thirty seconds to pen down the note and get it in Bella's bag. I gave her the emergency money from my wallet. I would probably have to explain the money to her later, as well. I was saving my mechanic money for Bella's graduation present.

The meeting, as powerful and important as it was, had only lasted a little more than an hour. The elders spoke of past alphas and warriors, the protectors of our tribe. I had to admit that it felt really good having Billy there, looking at me with admiration and pride. The meeting ended with meditation and a spiritual cleansing. I didn't really feel any different but both would be a big part of my life, from here on out. I may have felt a little better about all of it if my mind wasn't on Bella and her safety.

I wanted so badly to go see her, to check on her. Billy said that Quil had called to say they arrived safe. But, I was still apprehensive. Bella was a danger magnet, she was surely marked. The elders had told me of my responsibilities as alpha. The biggest of which, was maintaining close to the tribe. Port Angeles was just too far away, to be for a night. Especially, so close to my initiation. I was full of conflicting emotions. I needed to be with her, but my pack, my tribe needed me here.

I didn't go straight home after the meeting. I decided to run the border and do a quick sweep just to blow off some steam.

The separation from Bella was killing me. I stopped in a clearing just a few yards short of the treaty line.

The smell, hit me fast. It was fresh. I could tell that it was one of them, one of the Cullen's.

I ran as fierce as my four legs would take me. I was catching up to the leech. Howls ripped from me. I wasn't signaling the other member's of the pack, but I was determined to see why this bloodsucker found the need to make routine stops, from time to time.

I phased back to human form, put on my sweat shorts, and began my chase on foot. If I was going to confront this leech I had to be able to communicate. I didn't have far to go before I saw it, the vampire.

I had expected it to be Edward. If not Edward; then maybe the doctor. Or, the short haired one that was Bella's friend. I was shocked to find that the Cullen that was staring at me was neither of those.

"Mutt, may I help you with something?"

She spoke very clearly, very fluid. She tossed her blonde hair back, and glared at me with golden eyes.

"Why are you here? Why do you come here so often? Does he send you?" I growled at her in a low voice.

"By he, I suppose you mean Edward? She said nonchalantly.

"Yes, that would be who I meant," I snapped.

"No. The answer is no. Since the human ruined our little family, none of us really communicate with Edward." Her perfect voice had a tinge of hostility in it.

"Where is he?" I raised my voice this time. Her allusive answers were making me angry.

"Really, wolf, I don't know. He doesn't check in much with us anymore. You see our family has somewhat parted. Alice and Jasper went their way; leaving me and Emmette, to stay with Carlisle and Esme."

"So why do you come here, if you're not spying for him?"

"I have to make sure that Bella stays human."

"Of course she's human. Why wouldn't she be?"

"Bella was so determined to become one of us. I fear she will go to great extremes to continue that desire. Bella can not choose this life. No matter how much she loves Edward, she can not give up humanity. She will regret it, for eternity. I can't help but think that if the possibility presented itself, she would want to be like us. So when I get the chance, I come by just to see. To put my mind at ease, if you will."

"You care for Bella?"

"Not exactly, I just don't want to see her lose something, as valuable as human life."

"Bella's fine. We watch out for her, she's happy. I don't think becoming a vampire is on her immediate to-do list."

"You care for her, don't you? If you say she's happy, I will take your word for it."

She disappeared, before I could mention that Bella was hiding from a deranged lunatic, in a hotel room with two werewolves. I probably wouldn't have told her that anyway.

I phased back into wolf form and headed for home. My mind was at ease knowing that Edward hadn't been the one to come back.

My feet pounded through the forest as my speed increased. I loved the open feel of running through the forest. I heard a loud howl. Sam had phased and he was sounding a warning.

I ran faster to meet him. His thoughts told me that Bella was in trouble.

I couldn't believe that Embry and Quil let him get to Bella. My Bella was no longer safe. I would have ripped them apart, but they were on their way to tell Charlie.

I had let her down, I had broken another promise. She wasn't safe. I was failing her.

I had no idea where she was, but I was going to find her. Sam was in charge of the pack for now. I was going to find Bella.

Tribe or not, I was going to save Bella.

Daybreak had come and the sun was peeking from the clouds. I had apologized to Charlie about two hundred times. But, I wasn't forgiven, yet. I begged Charlie to let me come with him to find Bella. His investigation had uncovered a property in Port Angeles that Bella's captor owned. We were hopeful, on a hunch, we might find her there.

"This is the address. This building is listed in Bruce David's name."

The old garage looked like it had been empty for awhile, but someone had been in there recently. It was hard for me to pick up Bella's scent without being phased.

Charlie went in through the front of the building. My intuition was leading me to the back of the garage. There was a two story brick attachment in the back and I felt a magnetic force pulling me closer. I maneuvered over the fence to gain entrance into the back lot. I could see movement in the upstairs window, prompting me to move faster. I saw a fire escape and decided to go for it. Suddenly through the window I saw a flash, and heard a heart wrenching sound. Gunshot.

I practically flew up the fire escape stairs. My heart was pumping, my adrenaline running wild. Even in wolf phase, I never felt this alive. The next moments were like an out of body experience. I had crashed through the window, Jackie Chan style, covering my entire body in glass. I picked myself up and started searching for her. Blood was everywhere, on the floor and the walls. I saw a lifeless limp body, lying in the corner. And beside of it, my eyes found her, Bella.

A/N: Okay how am I doing? Review please.


	13. Chapter 13: Always the Hero

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 13

I wasn't afraid of dying, but then again, I had an unusually abnormal response to fear. Dying wasn't just a concept for me; it wasn't just some unknown part of life. I had been faced with death more times than what seemed possible. I was surrounded by death, and each time I came head to head with it, I had remarkably prevailed. I didn't know why or how, but I had once again escaped the clutches of death. Renee had once told me that life wasn't all butterflies and bunnies. Simply put, as it was, I suppose she was right.

My life seemed to be a higher level of misfortunate. My road paved with pain, hurt, loneliness. But sitting beside me was the one person who could bring me sunshine. The person who could make me smile and give me hope and sunshine. But, not today, there was nothing sunny about Jacob Black today.

"So your top dog, now, huh?"

"Yeah, so to speak."

"So is that an honor that comes with a crown and keys to the kingdom?"

"Not exactly."

Normally Jacob would have continued this playful banter, but he looked serious and somber. He was a prisoner of his own thoughts, thoughts he wasn't sharing with me. He squeezed my hand, and a surge of heat ran through my insides.

"So Quil and Embry, they're alright?"

"For now, but I can't make any promises for when I finally see them."

Jake was upset with them for what had happened. He blamed them, and if I knew him well at all, he was blaming himself. I felt obligated to save his friends, his brothers.

"It wasn't their fault. Really, they did the best that they could. I'm a danger magnet, remember."

Jacob just nodded at me, looking somewhere in the distance.

I could still smell the blood. I was covered in it. I held my breath to keep from fainting, again. I passed out when the gun went off, and then again, when I came outside.

Jacob helped me up, from where I was sitting. He grabbed my arm and led me to Charlie's police cruiser.

I stopped just short of the car, and turned to look back. The events that had transpired in the building behind me were monumental, life changing.

I took in a deep breath trying not to smell the blood that was covering my clothes and hair.

"Are you sure you don't need to go to the hospital? Just to get checked out. Those are some pretty terrible marks on your wrists." Charlie sounded worried.

"At least get them checked out," he urged.

"Really I'm fine. I just want to go home, take a hot shower and go to sleep."

I was tired from the endless swarm of questions being thrown at me. I had given my statement at least a dozen times, to a dozen people. I was relieved to finally be able to go home and put all of this behind me.

The car ride home was mostly silent, except for when Charlie would randomly insist that I go to the hospital. Each time I refused.

Jacob was in the back seat, only inches from me, but he seemed like worlds away. The ever growing distance between us was immeasurable. The tie that held us together was slowly unraveling. I was being shut out, that much was evident. Jacob was internally struggling through his problem, or problems, alone.

He looked exhausted, worry filled his dark eyes. Although I had seen Jacob just yesterday, he looked different. He seemed older, and he looked as if the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. He wasn't carefree or light hearted, and I hated seeing him this way. The light of his smile was gone, not even a flicker left. He bore a multitude of burdens, and for what reason, I didn't know. Whatever Jacob was facing, bore the semblance of a death row sentence.

I laid my head back and closed my eyes. It was hard to think of Bruce as gone. The minutes leading up to his death were pained, but sobering. Instead of loathing him or hating him, I pitied him. I understood his pain, his hurt, his insanity. We had a common loss, and because of it, I felt coupled to him in a remarkable way.

It was one thing to lose human love. But, losing a supernatural love; was something else, entirely. It was maddening, draining. When Edward left, my soul died, vacated only to leave emptiness and desolation in its place.

Since my encounter on the roadway, my mind was invaded by thoughts of Edward. My heart didn't fall apart when I thought of his memory…his face… his voice. Not like it once did. But I was still irritated at myself for allowing the invasion.

When my thoughts had overtaken my consciousness, I realized we weren't moving anymore. We were at Jacob's house. The clock on the dash read 2:30 pm.

"Bella, as much as it pains me to do this, I have to leave you here with Jacob and Billy. I hope I won't regret this later." Charlie glared at Jacob as he spat the word "regret" into the backseat.

"I have to go back to Port Angeles, to finalize this case and close the investigation. I will be back later for you."

"Are you hungry?" Jacob asked once we were inside. He still seemed distant.

"No. Not really," I replied. I wasn't able to remember the last time I had eaten, but food just didn't seem probable.

"I'm so tired. Can I just take a shower and lie down?"

Jacob kissed the top of my head.

"Sure thing," he smiled as he spoke the simple words, sending a rush of comfort and relief through me.

"I'll see if I can find you some clothes that smell a little better. Dog smell is better than blood smell. Right?"

I grinned and nodded. Jacob's smell, dog or not, was by far my favorite scent in the world.

Once inside Jacob's bathroom, I opted for a hot bath instead of a shower. I wasn't really a bath girl. In fact, I pretty much shied away from all things typically girly. I ran the water as hot as I could get it. In the back of the sink cabinet, I found a lone bottle of bubble bath. Remnants no doubt of when Jacob's sisters were home. I poured the contents of the bottle, into the water and watched the bubbles cascade into each other. I swiped a black razor, hoping it was Jacob's and not Billy's. I finally submerged myself in the tranquility provided by my oasis.

I lied in the bath tub, until my skin was wrinkled and my water had turned cold. I rinsed out my hair, and got out to dry off. I wrapped the towel around me, realizing I had forgotten to bring anything to change into. I stood in front of the mirror, staring at the dark circles under my eyes. My pale skin made them more pronounced and I looked like I could have used another twenty minutes in the water. I was aching, and exhausted. To top it off, I thought I was beginning to feel a cold coming on. A night in a down pouring rain would usually do that to a person, I thought.

I had finger-brushed my teeth and rinsed my mouth out, with some generic form of Listerine. I was combing through my wet hair, when I heard a knock on the bathroom door.

"Bells, are you ok?" It was Jacob, my heart dropped. Of course it was Jacob. Billy was gone for the day. Charlie must not have known, or he would have never left me here. I smiled in spite of myself.

"I'm fine, just finishing up."

"I have you some clothes."

I cracked the door open just enough to reach my hand out. Jacob reached the t shirt and sweat shorts through the small space. I grabbed onto them, but he wouldn't let go. When I pulled at them the door opened wider, nearly knocking me down.

When he saw me, his jaw dropped and his cheeks went flush. I immediately felt embarrassed. I had practically saw Jacob naked every day that we were together, even now he wasn't wearing a shirt. Ironically enough, he had never saw much more than my neck, hands and feet. Uncomfortable didn't begin to describe how I felt.

"Maybe I'll just take the clothes back, and you can wear the towel."

"Right," I mused.

Jacob pushed his way into the bathroom and pulled me into him. He cupped my chin in his overly large palm, piercing his eyes into mine.

"Bella, I love you." Whatever distance had been between us, was gone. And for that moment I felt incredibly close to Jacob. His eyes were no longer dark and solemn, he was carefree and beautiful.

His lips crashed into mine, forceful and passionate. The taste of him, of his tongue was intoxicating, leaving me senseless. His embrace became tighter and his hands were moving softly along my back. I couldn't help but marvel in the way his skin felt against mine.

Jacob picked me up gently and placed me on the sink counter; never moving his lips from mine. I locked my arms around his neck and moved my body into his. His lips began to move to my neck. He kissed me gently, until he reached my collarbone. He made his way back to my lips, his kiss more urgent, more necessary. He placed his hand on my thigh and began rubbing up and down my skin. I let out a slight moan as he moved his lips to my earlobe. I could feel a smile come across his lips as he realized what was happening. Every part of my body that he kissed, that he touched, was instantly electrified. And, each second that past brought about a new excitement.

I felt alive, I felt wild with emotion. I was engulfed in a sea of passion. Jacob's touch over powering everything else I had ever felt in my life. There was no fear, no anger, no worry, just love. Incredible, unfaltering love pouring from him into me.

_Happy._

_A/N: Finally...happy_


	14. Chapter 14: Always a Gentleman

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Thank you for all of your reviews and for adding this story to your faves. My readers are so important! I love to hear from each of you. Be sure to check out my profile for the playlist for this story.

Chapter 14

An eternity seemed to have passed, while Jacob and I embraced. Jacob's touch said so much more than any words could. Our closeness, our bond, was incredible.

"You should get dressed." Jacob said, eyeing the towel around me. In our compromised position, the towel that had been covering me was barely hanging on. I pulled it tight, trying to escape embarrassment. I wasn't as comfortable with my body as Jacob was his.

"Modesty suits you, Bells," Jake said as he pulled on the towel that I was still clutching around me.

"You could use a little more modesty yourself." I said the words dryly, rubbing my hands faintly across his bare chest.

"I can't help it that I'm cursed with this magnificent body." Jacob was rubbing his hands across his chest, emphasizing each defined muscle.

"I'm rendered speechless. Really, I am. But, um, I could use a little help. Please. I wouldn't want to have to explain to the paramedics, or Charlie, why I had a broken leg from trying to get myself down from your bathroom sink, wrapped only in a towel."

"OK, fine. But I like you better in the towel." Jacob said as he hoisted me from the sink.

"You know, you should put on some clothes. You're always naked. Naked. Naked." He said mocking my earlier tone.

Once he was gone, I examined the clothes that Jacob had brought me. The shorts I was sure belonged to him pre-wolf days. They didn't look like they would fit him now, but they were still huge on me. I had to fold the waist at least four times just to keep them up. It was really pointless to wear them, considering the t shirt he gave me came down to my knees. I might as well be wearing a tent. But I had to make do, I didn't have anything else. I picked up my other clothes, removing the picture and the money that was still in my pocket. I laid them on the dresser in Jake's room before going into the living room.

"Wow, that's a real nice look." Jacob said as he pulled me down onto the couch beside him.

"Thanks," I muttered.

I averted my eyes away from Jacob, still bare-chested. I pretended to be interested in the reality show that was on T V. I didn't understand how a man in the wilderness, looking for berries and leaves, could be so captivating. To each their own. I looked up at Jacob and he seemed to be enjoying it.

I snuggled closer, laying my head on Jacob's chest. He was so warm and inviting. Just being next to him gave me the same calming relief as the bubble bath.

We sat there for another few minutes, when Emily came in.

"Bella, I brought you some soup. Might make you feel better."

"Thanks, Emily. I guess I am a bit hungry."

She took the contents she was carrying into the kitchen and Jacob followed her.

"Billy's over at Sues and will be home later. He wanted me to give you the message. Bella do you need anything?"

"No. Thank you. I'm fine, really. Jake takes good care of me."

"OK, well I'm off. I'll see you two later."

I was hungrier than I realized and ate two bowls of Emily's wonderful chicken noodle soup. It felt really good on my raw, achy, throat.

After Jacob and I had finished eating, he helped me clear the table and clean up. I was barely able to stay awake. I was exhausted. My body felt like it was on the verge of collapse.

"Well, it's time for you to sleep," Jacob said, pushing me toward his room.

"I don't need to." I knew that my lie wasn't convincing. Because of my exhaustion, I barely could say the words.

"Here, you can sleep in my bed. I'll tuck you in nice and tight."

"You know, if you stayed in here with me, I wouldn't need to be tucked in."

"Bella, you really need some sleep. I promised Charlie that I'd take care of you. I don't think that included sleeping in the same bed with you"

"Jake, please, just lie here with me for a little while." I knew I was being clingy and needy, but I would later blame it on the exhaustion.

I didn't wake up until the next morning. Jacob was cuddled beside me with his big arm around my waist.

I was groggy and my eyes took forever to adjust to the bright sunlight pouring in. I adjusted myself so I could get up from Jacob's hold. He was so peaceful lying there, sleeping soundly. Purity and goodness was evident in Jacob and I found him to be a refuge.

I thought for sure Charlie would have come back to pick me up. I couldn't help but think something must have gone wrong.

After I went to the bathroom, I headed for the kitchen. Billy was in the living room reading the newspaper.

"Charlie came by last night, while you were asleep. He agreed to let you stay when he saw how peaceful you were."

Charlie had seen me asleep in Jacob's bed. Billy must have been able to read the confusion in my face.

"Jacob was out on patrol with Sam, when Charlie came. He gave in, when I told him Jacob would be with Sam for the evening."

Billy was covering for me but I didn't know why. Why did he care if I slept here or not? Especially, since Jacob wasn't even here with me. I hadn't even realized that he left."

Again, Billy could read my mind.

"Bella, I didn't lie to Charlie. I just mislead him a little. Jacob didn't quit patrolling until midnight. But he came straight home."

"Thanks, Billy. I really did sleep well."

I felt uncomfortable sitting alone with Billy. I liked Billy and I was certain he liked me But with Jake in the other room it seemed strange to be alone with Billy. We didn't have anything to talk about. Billy, like Charlie would never receive a wonderful-conversation award. The room felt awkward in the silence, and after a few moments, I went back to lie down beside of Jacob.

He had rolled over onto his stomach and had his arms beneath the pillow. I crawled slowly over him, surprising myself when I didn't fall. I sat against the top of the bed and began softly rubbing Jacob's dark hair. I hadn't really gotten used to seeing Jake with short hair. It looked good, too good, sometimes. But I missed the long hair; part of me missed the simplicity of Jacob before he became a werewolf.

I moved my fingers down the back of his neck, and began tracing along the ridges of his back. Even lying there, still and asleep, every muscle was defined. Every part of Jacob was completely perfect. He was soft and smooth and warm. I loved being warm next to him. Jacob was big and strong, but he wasn't scary. At least he wasn't scary to me.

I continued moving my hands along Jacob's body, stopping short at the waist band of his boxer shorts. As if constantly seeing him shirtless wasn't bad enough, he had slept next to me in nothing but his underwear.

I never had to exercise restraint with Edward; he always kept me in check. But all bets were off with Jacob and resisting him was near impossible.

Physical pleasure with Edward, outside of muted kissing, was not an option. Our relationship had been practically void of it. I knew the time would come for me and Jacob to take that step, to become intimate, and I had to admit to myself how scary that was.

"Good morning." I said to him as he began to wake up.

"Good morning, yourself. Sleep well?" he said mid yawn.

I nodded at his question, and he moved closer to me. He nuzzled his head in my lap and wrapped his arms around me.

Speak, I needed to speak. But I was desensitized. Every nerve in my body was melting and I felt like liquid.

"Bells." He grabbed my hand and started rubbing my palm with his finger.

"Uh, huh."

"I love you. More than anything I love you." He gave me a giant squeeze.

"Dad promised Charlie, that I would bring you straight home this morning. We better get going. I don't need to give him any other reasons to hate me right now."

Jacob was out of the bed in a flash. He grabbed some fresh clothes and headed for the bathroom. I gathered up my things, leaving the money on Jacob's dresser. I went into the living room to wait for him.

"Hey Bella, what do you say before I take you home, we grab breakfast. Believe it or not, I'm kind of hungry."

"Sure." I agreed. Jacob was always hungry.

I said my goodbyes to Billy and walked outside with Jacob to get in his car. The sun was still shining, and the air felt nice on my face.

Jacob opened the car door for me.

"Always a gentleman."

"I'd do anything for the lady that I love." He kissed my forehead and ran around to the driver's side.

_Happy._


	15. Chapter 15:Wolf Rules Part 1

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

I'm still updating, I hope to be finished soon. :) If this is your first time reading, please...please, review. Although the story is complete, I still love to hear from my readers and I'm still very much involved with this story.

Chapter 15

After we ate a quick breakfast, Jacob dropped me off at home.

"Jacob's not coming in?" Charlie asked, as I walked in the front door.

"He decided to go to school. He thought missing two classes would be better than missing a whole day. But don't worry, he'll be over later." I was surprised that Jacob wanted to go to school. He normally didn't need an excuse to ditch.

Charlie looked uncomfortable trying to find something to say. I knew he was worried about me, he just didn't know how to verbalize it.

"I'm fine Dad, really. I'm going back to school tomorrow myself."

"You don't have to push yourself."

I started to head upstairs when Charlie yelled at me.

"Oh, Bella, you have a package on the kitchen counter. It's from Renee. You should call her. She's worried."

I went into the kitchen and opened the box. A cell phone, Renee had sent me a cell phone. It was a sincere enough gesture and Renee had my best interests at heart. I had never owned a cell phone and would probably need a tutor just to program it. A cell phone would be a useless weapon against my normal poisons.

I decided to send her an email to tell her thanks. I really was not up for a phone conversation.

The rest of the day seemed to go by so slowly. I kept thinking of Jacob. My anticipation over his visit tonight was driving me mad. I didn't really know what time to expect him. I made dinner for Charlie and myself, and had the dishes done and the kitchen cleaned by 7:15. I had called Jacob's house, but no answer. I was growing anxious and worried. Maybe Jake could use a cell phone instead of me. I joined Charlie in the living room. He was watching an old basketball game on ESPN classic.

I sighed as I found myself a spot on the couch. I sighed as I tucked my legs under me. I sighed as I fluffed my pillows.

Charlie looked at me, aggravated by my distraction.

"Is there a problem?"

"No."

"I don't know why you trouble yourself with boys. You should be worrying about college, not some boy."

"Jacob's not just some boy." It wasn't necessary that I reminded Charlie of that. Billy was Charlie's very best friend; Jake was practically family to Charlie.

College, I hadn't even thought of it. Time was running out if I planned to go in the fall. I had to make an effort to stop by the guidance office at school tomorrow.

Charlie just looked at me with his eyebrows raised, he was so skeptical. I couldn't take sitting in the living room any longer. Where was Jake? I tried calling again, no answer. I stood in the kitchen for a few seconds longer and then I heard a knock on the door.

"Bella, you're prince is here." Charlie had no intention of letting Jacob in.

I broke land speed records racing to let Jake in.

"Hi Bella. Hi Charlie."

"Jake." Charlie never moved his eyes from the T V.

"It's still light out, you want to go for a walk?" Jacob asked. I could tell he was trying to earn back some of Charlie's trust with sincerity.

"I love that idea. I could use some fresh air." I spat out the last part to Charlie, but his eyes were fixed on the ballgame.

Once we were outside, Jacob's demeanor changed. I wasn't really expecting him to want to go on a walk. He seemed tense as he spoke and I could tell by the far away look in his eyes that something else was on his mind.

Jacob grabbed my hands, and led me to a grassy spot, beneath some trees on the far corner of Charlie's property.

"I don't really don't know where to start." The look on Jacob's face was disconcerting. His flawless features seemed out of character on such a serious, worried face.

"You are the most important thing to me, your happiness, your safety." Jacob struggled to speak, his eyes shifting anywhere, but to me.

"There is so much I need you to understand about who I am, about what is to be expected of me."

Jacob continued to grasp my hands as he prepared to move our discussion forward. I emotionally braced myself for the worse.

"Being a member of the pack is one thing, but now I'm held to a higher standard and the requirements set for me are different. I have to abide by the guidelines set by the tribal elders."

"Guidelines?" I asked.

"After the first time Sam phased, the tribal elders decided to re-write the pack laws. Times had changed since the original assembly, and the guidelines needed modification in order to be efficient. Most of the pack rules are simple enough, but the rules for alpha are a little more complicated."

Jacob seemed so wise, so much older than a boy of sixteen. I longed for the care free, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants Jacob. The boy that taught me to ride a motorcycle and went hiking in the woods. I was uncomfortable with this new Jacob, the Jacob with requirements and expectations.

"I have to stay close to the tribe. I could never move outside of La Push as long as I am the alpha. That's why I couldn't go with you to Port Angeles."

"I have to be a respected and contributing member of the community, influential even. And, I have to continue educating myself on the tribe's history and legends. I have to become a formidable teacher for the younger generations."

Jacob turned away from me, hesitating to continue. He took in a deep breath and steadied himself. I could see whatever he had to say next was going to be startling.

"The elders want to make sure that I'm married by twenty-one. This way, I could father a son while I'm still phasing. They want to ensure that the tradition carries on to the next generation; it's vital to our survival. They feel that a phasing wolf will pass on a stronger gene. The agreed age was twenty-one."

My mouth was agape. How could Jacob let someone tell him when to get married and when to have children? It was completely absurd, almost cult like. It reminded of how Jacob felt toward Sam when Jared and Paul had first phased.

"Bella, I don't want to lose you. I love you as much as humanly possible. But I am only half human; the other side of me has a destiny to be fulfilled. I don't want you to suffer because of what I am. I don't want you to give up anything for me. Please, know that I didn't choose this. If I had a choice, I'd spend my life with you, making sure you're always happy."

I dropped my hands from Jacobs grasp. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to think.

"My priorities are with my tribe. There are consequences should I decide not to accept my place. I have to accept this. I have to own it."

Would Jacob be punished for not wanting to be a werewolf? Or worse, would they kill him?

"No...You...No..." I was stammering over my words at the thought of Jacob being harmed or killed.

"I was genetically chosen to lead this pack. If I were to not to accept this role, I'd lose my place within the tribe. I'd have no purpose."

My eyes were fighting back tears. This was serious, so much more than legends and myth. This was life or death. Being with Jacob had always been uncomplicated; I had never expected this.

"Do you mean that they would? Would they?" I couldn't bring myself to say the dreaded word, but Jacob knew the intent of my incoherency.

"No. Not exactly. I would just cease to exist. Dust to dust."

Jacobs's options seemed loaded. Sentenced to lead a life as a mythical monster or no life at all. The thought of Jacob being absent from me was unsettling, was preposterous. I was sure that without Jacob I couldn't even breathe.

"Bella I know this is hard for you, it's hard for me. I'm so sorry. But there is a plus side. Once the phasing stops I'm free of my duties. Free to live my life how I want. At least I'm not doomed to this life forever, just the next fifteen or so years." He gave me a quick smirk, a quick glimpse of my Jacob, underneath all the sternness and strength of a mighty warrior.

Doomed forever. I thought of Edward. How he didn't want to change me. How he had wanted me to experience life. Edward had resented forever. For him, forever was an appalling sentence, worse than death. Jacob was right; there was at least one silver lining to all of this.

"Bella are you OK?" I had momentarily let my thoughts of Edward take my concentration away from Jacob.

"Yeah, sorry. Continue. Please."

A/N

I know this is a little slow but it's important to the story line...hang in there!


	16. Chapter 16: Wolf Rules Part 2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Part two...it's short and slow...but necessary!

Playlist for this chapter is Wait for Me by Max Morgan

Chapter 16

Jacob's words held so much weight. So much was depending on what he had to say. Was I strong enough to be what he needed me to be?

"I understand if you want out of this. If you're not capable of loving me the way I am. There is more to the wolf pack than just saving the reservation from vampires. We also maintain peace and order on the reservation. We try to better the lives of our tribe."

"But, what about school? You won't be a wolf forever. You need a fall back plan. You need an education, a career. Billy can't take care of you forever. "

"Valid point, but I have a plan. Actually, I'll be a high school graduate by January. School on the reservation is a little less demanding than regular public school. I plan to go to summer school and finish my required English and Math credits. When the fall semester starts, I'll be enrolled in a special apprentice fast-track program. I was able to manipulate my way in, one of the few perks of being the Alpha."

"Jacob, how will you learn two years of school in only one semester?" I asked.

"Basically, I'll be completing eight classes by January, as opposed to six classes by May. I will also get an apprentice credit by learning a skill or trade. By the time the semester is over, I'll have more than enough credits to graduate," he explained.

I was surprised at all of the detail and thought Jacob had put into his plan. It seemed concrete enough, but I had doubts. School was never Jake's strong suit. Not because he lacked intelligence, but because he lacked discipline and ambition. Of course, losing one's existence would ignite discipline and ambition.

"Money is not really a problem either. The tribe has over forty acres of land to be divided among the eight of us, once Seth and Leah finally transform," he continued.

So, Seth and Leah were the next in line to become werewolves. Shock registered all over my face, and Jacob answered my question before I could even say it.

"We don't know. Leah is the first female to ever phase. The whole pack enigma is new to all of us. We're mostly learning as we go." Jacob got up and stretched out his long arms. He walked a few feet from where I was sitting. "There's also a special trust set up for us. Once the tribe is complete with Seth and Leah, the assets will be distributed. The trustee elders have already begun the process. In a nutshell, each wolf will get so much of the trust now, and then a money transfer every three months. It's not millions, but it will be a good cushion. We are expected to make our own living; we have to contribute to the community. And holding down a job helps to hide the secret.

"I thought about opening a garage here in La Push with my initial money once I'm done with school. I could set my own schedule and I would have as much flexibility as I need to perform my duties as Alpha. Maybe Quil and Embry will even partner with me. I'm also going to begin building a house, which is a great way to get apprentice credits."

For the first time, Jacob's dark eyes had a hopeful look to them. Despite the pain this transformation was causing Jacob, I was certain he was excited about building his future. I was envious of him; I hadn't made any progress toward preparing for my future.

"Bella, I know this is a lot to take in, and that it all seems so finalized. I don't want to take anything away from you. I want you to experience everything you deserve. But if there is any chance, any slim margin, that you would want a life with me, I promise to do everything within my realm of capability to keep you safe and happy," he said.

I believed Jacob, and every sincere word he said. But there was no way I was ready to make a decision that would be so definite. I couldn't tell Jacob that I'd marry him within the next five years and bear his children. I loved La Push but I couldn't see myself living here. I didn't know what I wanted from life, but I was sure I wanted more than what La Push could offer me. But, I loved Jacob and I would sacrifice anything to be with him.

I was flooded with guilt. I felt like I was betraying Jacob because I didn't want to commit. After all Jacob had done for me, I felt I was being unfair. I had been more than willing to give up everything to spend an eternity with Edward. If Edward had agreed to change me when I asked, I wouldn't have given it a second thought. I had been so sure of him, of our future. I wanted it so bad, but maybe I wanted it for all the wrong reasons. I realized how foolish I was for wishing that Edward would change me.

"Jake." I moved closer to him as his name slipped through my lips. I pulled him into me and wrapped my arms around him as tight as I could. I hugged him close as I collected my thoughts. "I don't know anything about the future; it all seems so far away and scary. I love you and that is all that matters. I love you for you, and if loving you comes with complications then I have no choice but to face them. I'm willing to take this one day at a time if it keeps me from losing you."

Jacob kissed the top of my head and gave me a tight squeeze. My response had satisfied him, at least for now.

****

Reviews are very much welcomed!


	17. Chapter 17: Steps to Progression

**Disclaimer:**

**Jacob Black is wonderful, he's awesome and he's perfect. I don't own him or his story or his world. It's all SM! **

**Just a quick thank you to everyone who has read the story. Hope you loved it so far and if you haven't, I'm sorry. I'm not offering refunds for your wasted time. LOL J/K**

**Continue to review and let me know what you think, I love all the feedback and I love discussing this story with you. **

**This one is very short and basically just bridges the story to the next part. Sorry!**

Chapter 17

Jacob was overcome with relief, partly because of my reaction, but mostly because he was free from the burden of telling me.

I was a little intimidated by Jacob's new found assertion. He was driven and sensible, confident and poised. He had a plan, a future, and a destiny. I had nothing of the sort. I didn't even have a tentative plan to depend on.

Jacob was practically the crowned prince of La Push, and I was simply average.

After the tension was gone, Jacob and I continued to sit outside and talked aimlessly about nothing. It was nice to able to laugh and smile.

I realized for the first time that it's not so much the destination that defines our happiness, it's the path we take to get there.

The next day was a whirlwind at school. My first stop was the guidance counselor's office. If I was going to make plans for my own future, I needed to get started since the school year was winding down.

"I'm so glad you're back, Bella. I hope you're feeling better." The friendly voice belonged to Angela, and I knew she was being sincere. She had called to check on me several times during my absence from school. If I had one true friend at Forks High School, it was Angela.

"Thank you. I'm doing much better," I replied.

"Is there something that I can help you with?" Angela asked me, smiling. Angela spent her free period working in the counselor's office, a privilege I was unable to receive, since I had been a transfer student.

"Well, actually…yes. I need to get into college."

Angela looked at me like I had three heads. I knew what she was thinking. Why did I wait so long? I couldn't actually tell her that I had hoped to be a vampire by now and spend an eternity with Edward Cullen, drinking blood and flying through trees. That thought caught me off guard. Was I actually bitter toward Edward? Yes I was, but I felt it was allowed, given the circumstances.

"I know I'm a bit behind, but I've had more pressing matters," I explained. It was a weak excuse but I knew Angela wouldn't press me any further. Unlike Jessica or Mike, she was very polite and tactful.

"Let me check your file for your SAT scores."

I wasn't very proud of my scores from the SAT test. I had taken the test in the midst of my zombie state, and hadn't really been able to focus. I felt ridiculous for not having done any of this sooner.

"Your scores are pretty good. But you've missed almost all the applicant deadlines. There are a few colleges who will accept late applications with a good reason. We can start applying online immediately if you want," she informed me.

We spent the rest of the hour applying at three schools. I still had to get my transcripts and essays ready. Angela helped me for the next three days until I had everything completed. A sense of accomplishment flooded over me once the process was over, now I just had to wait it out. I was grateful to Angela for her help. She even helped me to apply for some local scholarships.

The next couple of weeks proved to be a busy time for me. I stayed after school every day, and on Saturdays to make up the work I had missed. I decided not to return to Newton's until after graduation in order to focus on getting my grades up.

My time with Jacob became somewhat scarce, and my heart was missing him fiercely. Jacob was completing his initiation as Alpha, and I tried to give him the space he needed in order to make the transition. The break, although almost unbearable, had proved fruitful. With Angela's help, I made plans for the prom; she even helped me find a beautiful dress.

I had been adamant about not attending my senior prom or any other social function that involved dresses and dancing. But a part of me pitied Jacob for losing so much of his life. I really wanted Jacob to at least experience the prom. He was going to miss out on enough, so I figured I could endure one night of awkward torture for the sake of the boy-no,man-I loved.

I was going to offer Jacob the same courtesy that Edward had extended to me. I thought a lot about Edward, and the Cullens. I thought about them without falling apart, and I hoped beyond hope they were happy, just like me.

_Happy._

A/N: So yeah do you know what Jacob Black loves?

He loves when you review this story :)


	18. Chapter 18: The Prom Somebody Loved

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight world belongs to Stephenie, I'm just consumed by it.

So this is it, the prom. Awwwwwww.....

Playlist for this chapter. **Sombody Loved - The Weepies**

**_Rain turns the sand into mud  
Wind turns the trees into bone  
Stars turning high up above  
You turn me into somebody loved_**

**_Nights when the heat had gone out  
We danced together alone  
Cold turned our breath into clouds  
We never said what we were dreaming of  
But you turned me into somebody loved_**

**_Someday when we're old and worn  
Like two softened shoes  
I will wonder on how I was born  
The night I first ran away from you_**

**_Now my feet turn the corner back home  
Sun turns the evening to rose  
Stars turning high up above  
You turn me into somebody loved_**

Chapter 18 Prom

Jacob's P-O-V

I was in love with the amazing Bella Swan. Her beauty, her goodness, her humility-everything about her was amazing. What was even more amazing-she loved me back.

I had told her the news of my future, my destiny as the Alpha leader of our pack. She didn't run away from me when I thought she would. Of course, she didn't throw herself at me either. I didn't really expect her to, but I'd be lying to myself if I said I hadn't hoped she would. She was all I ever thought about. It was no longer just some innocent crush. I needed her. I was hopelessly and devastatingly in love with her.

The blond haired leech had said that Bella wanted to become one of them. She had wanted to spend not only her human life, but all of eternity with Edward. All she had given me was "day by day". Although it stung a little, I had accepted her response gladly. I knew Bella didn't love me like she had loved him. She had said "day by day". It wasn't the lifelong commitment she was ready to give the leech, but she at least wasn't giving up on me.

Our lives had gotten so busy over the last couple of weeks, that we barely had enough time to talk to each other on the phone, let alone see each other. Bella had surprised me when she asked me to be her date for senior prom. Prom wasn't exactly Bella's thing, and her overreaction to Mike Newton's request was laughable. I considered it an honor, and accepted happily.

We had spent a lot of time together but we never really got to "date", so I was excited for the Prom. I was going to pick Bella up at seven, and my nerves were flying somewhere above the atmosphere while I was getting ready. I gave myself a once over in the mirror and realized how uncomfortable I was in a penguin suit. I went for a more traditional look, choosing a black suit with a black vest and tie. I opted to keep the jacket open and the necktie loose; I wasn't used to wearing this much clothing.

When I arrived at Bella's house, I was even more nervous than I had been at home. I nearly dropped the white calla lily corsage in a mud puddle. I was glad Emily had picked it up for me, since I had no knowledge that a corsage was so important. Charlie opened the door, less than amused that I was here to take his daughter to the prom.

"Bella, your date's here," Charlie called upstairs.

I stood in the living room and waited . When she came down the stairs, she was breathtaking. Beautiful couldn't even begin to describe her. Her skin was flawless, and her wonderful, silky hair was down and lying in curls around her face. I looked closer and noticed that she was wearing just a little bit of makeup. That was my Bella, always beautiful, but never over done.

I noticed her dress, how it hugged every curve of her small frame. The top of her dress was black and had sequins that sparkled in the light. The bottom of her dress was a dark purple and was made of a shinier material, maybe satin. The layers of fabric stopped just short of her knees. I hadn't seen so much of Bella's sweet porcelain skin since the day I saw her in nothing but a towel.

I couldn't help but smile at her when I saw her choice of footwear. She was wearing black flat dress shoes. I thought most girls wore high heels to the prom. Just another reason why Bella was no ordinary girl, just another reason why I loved her. She was using extreme precaution, trying to avoid any awkward or clumsy moments.

She met me at the bottom of the staircase, nearly colliding into me when she missed the bottom step. I held my laughter behind my smile.

"Wow. I didn't think it was possible for you to look even more beautiful," I whispered into her ear.

"You look pretty amazing yourself," She said admiring me up and down.

"Don't get used to it. It's rented," I said, laughter pouring out of me.

We arrived at the prom just in time to make a spectacle of ourselves. All eyes were turned to us. I was sure everyone was looking at Bella. I couldn't keep my eyes away from her.

"Are you nervous?" I asked, pulling her closer to me.

"Well, maybe, a little," She lied.

"Are you nervous about dancing?" I was just teasing her but her reply was serious.

"Jacob, I don't really dance," She was biting her bottom lip nervously.

"Don't worry, I'll take the lead. Us dogs are pretty agile dancers."

"I will probably fall and end up spending prom night in a hospital bed," She replied dryly.

"You're look too pretty to be a cynic."

"Oh, come on Jake. The best part of internal misery is being able to find the irony of it. You said so yourself," She reminded me.

I waited until the band played a sappy, cliché prom song, and I led Bella onto the dance floor. "Breathe, and follow my lead."

Bella was surprised by my graceful movement, but being a werewolf had some advantages. We had made it through four dances before the band stopped playing. Bella's big, wide brown eyes bore into mine, igniting a fire in my heart.

"Let's go somewhere a little less busy," I suggested. I placed my hand on her lower back and led her out of the school's gymnasium into the courtyard. A few couples were standing outside, but Bella and I had secured a private spot on a picnic table.

"Is this better?" I sat down and rested myself on my elbows with my back facing the table.

"Much," She replied, as she sat down beside me.

We sat there a moment before I turned to her. As the band started playing again, echoes of music flooded the courtyard where we were sitting. The stars were shining above us, and the night air was heavenly.

"Bella, I want to ask you a question? You don't have to answer. But I would really love to know." I turned to her, and she looked up into my eyes. I could tell she was nervous about what I was going to say-almost as nervous as I felt about saying it.

"I was...well...I was...just wondering," I paused. It was too late to back-pedal. I had to do this now. Sink or swim.

"Yes. What?" She asked.

"If he came back for you, would you?" I stopped the inquiry short. I immediately regretted the words as they came out, but it was too late to take them back. I couldn't pinpoint the source of my insecurities. Perhaps her exercise of extreme caution regarding our discussion of the future had made me somewhat insecure.

She turned her head away. I had hurt her with the question. Maybe she wasn't ready to talk about him. Maybe she would never be ready. I had just blown it. I had ruined her prom with my stupid, ignorant, meaningless question. Even if he came back, even if she went running into his cold, bloodless arms, I would still love her. I would still crave her. Why had I been so foolish?

She took in a deep breath and just as I was about to apologize, for being an idiot, she spoke.

"Jake," She said my name and I shivered, afraid of the consequences of my stupidity. "I don't really know. It's hard to say what you would do in a situation that you've never been in before. Edward's not coming back, so it really is a moot point."

Her answer was sharp and evasive cutting into my heart like a dagger.

The, she turned to me and placed her hand on my knee. "My happiness lies within you. My life is with you. I can't imagine ever loving anyone like I love you."

She moved her face closer to mine, and I didn't hesitate to greet her. Her lips were soft and warm, with just a trace of cherry lip gloss. I parted her lips with my tongue, allowing her taste to drown my senses. I wanted to stay like this with her forever. I never wanted to leave her; I never wanted the kiss to end.

We finally broke our embrace once we realized we were in public. But, it was too late, we had already gathered an audience. Bella's cheeks immediately turned red, and her eyes shifted to the ground. I just laughed at the sight and willed myself not to kiss her again. I didn't want to embarrass her anymore than she already was.

Bella's answer wasn't what I expected. I suppose I had blind-sided her with such an evil question. But she said her happiness lied within me. What more did I need to hear? She said that I made her happy.

_**Chapter End Notes:**_

_**Awwww.... isn't it sweet?**_

_**My favorite line in this chapter "don't get used to it, it's rented."**_

_**If you love the warm-bloods, please go review, it makes me very happy. Also, tell me if you like the song.**_


	19. Chapter 19: Promises

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I'm reminded of this horrible fact, everytime I write a chapter of this story. No copyright infringement intended.

Special thanks for the reviews.

Here is a link for Bella's prom dress:(dot)com/albums/v230/LILYLULU/bellaspromdress-1(dot)jpg

Chapter 19

I was shocked that Charlie had lifted my curfew for prom night. He still hadn't entirely forgiven Jacob for what happened in Port Angeles, but he was coming around.

"Bella, don't make me regret this," Charlie had said.

"Charlie, don't worry about me. It's not like that with Jake," I said reassuringly. I was trying to avoid another uncomfortable conversation with Charlie. I was not going to talk relationships with my father, especially physical relationships. Besides, I should be the one giving Charlie pointers on dating; he hadn't been on a date since Renee left. He had to be lonely.

The thought of not having a curfew was a little unnerving. I wanted to be with Jake and spend as much time as possible with him. But this wasn't an ordinary night, it was prom night. Somehow, a dance floor, cheap decorations, and mediocre food provided a forerunner for a night of intimacy.

I wanted to believe that I could offer all of myself to Jacob. On more than one occasion, I had even thought about what it might be like. Just kissing Jake was so tantalizing, the electricity of his touch was mind numbing; I couldn't imagine what kind of feelings intimacy would spark.

What if I didn't live up to Jake's expectations? Does he even have expectations? I didn't know anything about intimacy in that way. I had zero experience in that department. Was Jake experienced? I didn't know if he had had a girlfriend before me. I often forget that Jake's only sixteen. He seems so much older, physically and emotionally. He was probably just as clueless and nervous as I was. At least, I hoped so.

I was glad Angela helped me pick out a dress. She had come by earlier and curled my hair. I put on some mascara and blush, and just a bit of cherry lip-gloss.

I couldn't believe how amazing Jake looked, and the way he danced was incredible. He was oblivious to all of the stares directed at him. The girls wanted him, the guys wanted to be him, and I couldn't blame any of them. In addition to Jake's looks, he was charming, sensitive, funny, and an all around good guy. He was approachable and friendly. In short, he was everything that I was not.

I was relieved once we were outside. I hated being in the center of the action. My relief was short lived when Jacob threw a curve ball at me, asking about Edward. I had no idea where that question came from. Jacob and I had an unspoken agreement; we did not discuss Edward, period.

I suppose Jacob had some insecurity about Edward. I mean, I had practically given up all hope of life when he left, but I hadn't mourned for Edward Cullen in a long time. The simple reason was Jacob. I loved Jacob; he was my life.

We decided to skip out of the prom a little early. Lauren was throwing an after party at some hotel and all of my friends were going there. Thankfully, I hadn't received an invite.

"So were to?" Jake asked once we were in his car.

"The moon, outer space, Italy. Anywhere is fine with me, since I don't have a curfew." I felt a hint of rebellion in my words.

"Hmm. Outer space and the moon is out of the question, my rocket is in the shop," Jacob said dryly.

"So, Italy it is."

"Bella, I know somewhere we could go," Jacob said.

"Okay then, let's go," I urged.

"I'm not sure you want to."

"No really, Jake, I'm game. As long as your there, it will be fun," I reassured him.

"Well Sam, he…umm…he gave me the keys to a private rental cabin he and Emily own," Jacob stuttered out.

I was speechless. My brain was telling me to speak, to form a sentence, but nothing came. My thoughts were a jumbled mess. My palms were sweating and my heartbeat raced. I was expecting him to say anywhere but a cabin-a private cabin at that. I loved being alone with Jacob, but a cabin seemed a little too much.

"Of course, I had to promise that I wouldn't defile it. But, we could go hang out for a while. It's close to the beach and you would like it," Jacob recovered, trying to ease my mind. He must have been able to see the tension on my face.

The cabin was beautiful. I could hear the ocean waves as they crashed into the rocks. The tourist season hadn't really picked up in La Push, so the area around the cabin was deserted. Jake opened up the door, and after a few seconds of fumbling for the light, he made his way in. I followed a few steps behind him.

The cabin was small, with no TV or phone. Part of the appeal of the cabins was their seclusion from the outside world. The front room consisted of a sitting area and a small kitchen. There was a bathroom off to the left and a door leading to a private bedroom next to it. Bedroom, ugh.

Jacob opened the French doors that led a small patio and I could smell the brine of the ocean. He took off his tuxedo jacket and tie. He looked even more amazing in just his white shirt. He caught me staring, and a blush of embarrassment fell over my face. I couldn't help but to notice how beautiful he was. He was beauty personified.

Jacob sat down on the leather couch and patted the seat beside him. I complied and went to sit by him. We sat intently on the couch for a while, just listening to the waves crash into the shore. We made small talk; I talked about school, and going back to work at Newton's. I talked about Renee, and how I still hadn't learned how to use the cell phone she gave me. I talked about my growing impatience waiting to hear from the colleges I had applied to. I talked about being awarded a five thousand dollar scholarship from the Forks Rotary Club. I talked about anything but what was plaguing my mind: the bedroom.

Jacob talked about cars, and his friends. I learned that he was working on a late model Jeep Cherokee. He went on and on about how the body was in excellent shape, but the engine needed some work, and that he would be finished with it soon. His face lit up whenever he mentioned the amount of work he had put into it. Cars really made him happy.

After a while, the conversation staled, and I became antsy.

"Sam usually keeps a stocked fridge," Jacob paused. "You want a soda?"

I nodded. _At least they were cold_.

Even though I rarely watched television, I wished there would have been one in the cabin. At least it would deaden some of the silence and awkwardness I was feeling. It was hard to carry on a conversation when, in the back of mind I kept thinking of the bedroom.

"Bells, you seem fidgety. Do you want to go home?" He asked.

Did I want to leave? No, not really. I had hardly seen Jake in the last two weeks. Our time together was valuable, but I didn't want to make the wrong move, or say the wrong thing. I didn't want to give him the wrong impression. I feared my lack of self-control as much as I feared Jacob's.

"No. I'm fine. Sorry," I muttered.

"You can relax. It's just me, just Jake." He put his hands on my face. His eyes pierced mine and I had to look away. I was staring down at the floor, trying not to think of the bedroom. My breath was hitched in my throat. My skin was on fire and the electric current shooting through my body tensed every muscle.

"Bella, nothing will happen that you don't want to happen. I promise."

My cheeks were now crimson. Jake knew why I was nervous; he knew what I had been thinking about. I wanted to sprout wings and fly away to escape the embarrassment.

Jake cupped my chin and gently lifted my face, until my eyes looked back into his.

"Bella, please don't be afraid. I would never hurt you. I would never do anything you aren't ready for. I'm also nervous about taking that step too soon. But when it's time we'll know," he assured me.

His sincerity was so sweet and kind. I felt a tear forming in the corner of my eye, and I blinked to keep Jacob from seeing it. I didn't want him to think I was some sappy lovesick girl, although that was exactly what I was becoming.

"Besides I promised Sam…" He said, laughing under his breath.

I kicked off my shoes by the couch and I nestled myself into Jacob's warm chest. He held me close and stroked my hair. If this is what forever with Jacob would feel like, then maybe forever wasn't so bad.

Chapter End Notes:

If you're team Jacob and you know it, leave me a review. :)


	20. Chapter 20: Ready or Not

I have no ownership to the wonderful Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

Chapter 20

"Bells, thanks for inviting me tonight. I really did have fun." Jacob's smile was always so innocent and painfully beautiful. My heart warmed instantly at his smile.

"It was only because you were the best dancer there. Everyone was jealous during the Cha-Cha Slide," I joked.

"If you're lucky one of these days I might teach it to you," Jacob said as he mimicked my bad dance moves.

"You better get to work now, if I'm going to learn it by our wedding day." Did I just say that out loud?

I think Jacob went into shock. He wasn't expecting me to say anything about marriage, anything about our future. Since our conversation a couple of weeks ago, we hadn't even discussed anything of the matter. We had knowingly avoided the subject all together.

I had told Jacob I wanted to take it "day by day," and he had respected my wishes. He didn't push me or try to guilt me into anything.

"Bella, did you mean that?" Jacob was somber, serious.

"Jacob Black, if you don't want to dance with me, then I understand." I was being facetious. Great. Jacob looked as if my answer was the most important thing he would ever hear in his entire life, and I was being facetious.

"Bella, are you saying what I think your saying?" His breathing had stopped, and it was obvious he was waiting for me to say something.

"Jacob, I'm not ready to walk down the aisle just yet. But… …well…I do want to spend my life with you. So yeah, I guess I am"

Jake let out a huge sigh of relief. My indecision must have weighed harder on him than I realized.

He gave me a tight hug, and after about ten seconds, he released me. I had to catch my breath. If I had been standing, I would have surely fainted.

Jacob moved his face closer to mine. He stopped just short of my lips and kissed my chin, making his way to my neck. His kisses were soft, sweet, and gentle. His breath was warm on my skin. He moved his lips across my collarbone and up to my shoulder.

He carefully moved the thin strap of my prom dress so he could kiss my shoulder. I couldn't resist him. My fingers were moving wildly over his face, his shoulders, and down to his chest. Jacob was perfect in every sense of the word. His touch was sensual, his smell was inviting, and his kiss was maddening. He was very meticulous, never missing one inch of skin. My body pulsed in excitement; my skin raged with burning hunger. All traces of self-control had left my body, and I was ready to give in to my urges.

I slid down onto the couch, clinging to Jacob as I did so. He gently moved over me, holding the weight of his body by his fists. He kissed my lips, and as his tongue came into meet mine, I tasted his sweetness. Soon after that, I lost all rational thought. If someone had asked me my name, I wouldn't have known it. I was flooded with Jacob's presence and no awareness of anything else.

His kisses became more forceful and in a swift move, he rolled me over on top of him, never removing his lips from mine. His body beneath me was hot and smooth, like walking on the beach for the first time. It felt pleasant and new. I broke away from his kiss and moved my mouth over his face, his earlobes, and his neck. My temperature was rising fast, and I could feel heat pouring from my body. My stomach was tying itself into knots, and I was steadying myself against Jacob's body, trying not to fly out of my skin. I began moving myself more urgently against him, and he responded to me with several low moans in my ear. My hips began to sway in time with his, and I could feel every part of him. I had no knowledge of where I was, or what I was doing. My mind was only focused on getting more of Jacob, of feeling more of him. I began to unbutton his shirt, moving my lips further down his chest.

His muscles were firm and tantalizing. I had always wondered what it would be like to kiss his chest, his stomach. They way he always felt under the touch of my hand was truly incredible, but my imagination couldn't begin to fathom the way he felt under my lips. I took in several deep breaths, not wanting to lose one ounce of his scent. He looked so marvelous with the white shirt against his russet skin, I almost hated to see it removed. But I marched on with my mission and stopped just short of his waist. I slowly moved my lips, my tongue around the waistband of his pants. Jacob's body flinched. He spoke my name out loud. Jacob was giving in to me, letting me take control.

I raised myself from Jacob's body and for the first time I looked into his deep eyes. This was my forever; this beautiful man lying beneath me was my forever. I leaned down to kiss his lips once more, thanking him for choosing me.

Jacob met my lips softer this time. "Bella," he whispered my name and I almost melted into him. "Are you sure you want this?"

As his question registered in my mind, my emotions let go and rationale came back. Jacob had been in the moment just as much as I had, but he was concerned that I wasn't ready. My earlier hesitation was still weighing on his mind.

Once I caught my breath, I moved off Jacob and slid up against the couch.

"Bella, I want you to be ready. I want me to be ready." Leave it to Jacob to be responsible when I had lost all control.

"You're right, Jake. I'm sorry," I apologized.

"Bells, you're always apologizing. Don't be sorry. We Did you hear any complaints out of me? We have plenty of time, I just don't want you to regret giving in too soon. We have forever, I can wait for you."

Chapter End Notes:

Give me a J...give me an A....give me a K.... give me an E....

If you love it, hate it or think I suck...go review!


	21. Chapter 21: A Gift

Disclaimer: It's all Steph's world, I just love it, immensely.

Thank you for the reviews, I feel so special...

Thanks to my gal Susan! You are best.

**Chapter 21**

Charlie was surprised to learn that I had actually come home at 2:30 am instead of daybreak. I think he half expected me to come home pregnant and addicted to crack. Charlie was beyond pessimistic. I slept in on Sunday, waking only because of the hard raindrops falling outside.

I rubbed my eyes, lost in the world between sleep and awake. Thoughts of Jacob were running vividly through my mind, campaigning for me to return to the world of sleep. Last night had been…magical…beautiful. I closed my eyes to absorb the memory of Jacob looking statuesque; my mind was not ready to let go of the image of him lying beneath me. The way his face was altered every time I touched him, every time I kissed him. The way the muscles of his stomach rippled when my mouth followed their perfect path. I couldn't let go of any of it. I took in a deep breath hoping his taste was lingering somewhere in the midst. I had enjoyed every minute with Jacob.

My body was commanding me to move. My muscles were screaming at me to be stretched. I managed to tear myself from the warm confines of my bed, a place that had once been dreadful, that had harbored many nights of nightmarish sleep. It had been a reminder of Edward and the many nights I spent with him. After he left me, I sometimes slept on the floor out of sheer rebellion.

So much had changed, and the bed I once loathed – I even considered lighting it on fire once- had became a place of warm, sweet refuge. It had become an escape from the outside world to surround myself in the memories of Jacob; it had become a place to bide my time until I could see him again.

****************************

I hated feeling rushed. It had already been a frantic morning and I was still behind. I was going to be late for my own graduation. It was hard to believe that only three weeks ago I was at the prom with Jacob.

Normally, punctuality was not a regular flaw of mine, but my nerves were set on edge with the excitement of the day. I hated big crowds; I hated the thoughts of having to walk across a stage to get my diploma. I hated cameras, and I was especially going to hate the party that Charlie and Renee were giving me.

It was a kind thought, to celebrate the occasion with both parents. I was ecstatic when Renee said she and Phil were coming, but my happiness was short lived when Renee unleashed her plans to have a party. She joined forces with Charlie and I had no choice but to accept . I had made both of them promise nothing big-just a small get together.

I managed not to fall off the stage while accepting my diploma. No catastrophes took place and I arrived back at Charlie's house intact. I actually felt very liberated and accomplished. It was only a few weeks ago I that had my doubts about graduating at all. And now, I was, in fact, a high school graduate.

Not only that, but I had also been accepted to Washington State University. I had received the letter a couple of days ago and I had yet to discuss it with Jacob. Vancouver was only five hours away, so I could probably be home at least every other weekend.

My heart was already missing Jacob, and I hadn't even registered for classes yet. I didn't know how to tell him that I would be going so far away. Of the colleges I applied to, WSU was the one farthest.

"Bella, I'm just so proud of you. Graduating, going to college, becoming a beautiful young woman; all of it just makes me so proud." Renee was being all sentimental and emotional. Her pride was clear in the expression on her face.

"Thanks Mom," I said, trying not to draw attention to Renee's heartfelt moment.

Charlie and Renee kept their promise, the guest list was small. Other than Charlie, Renee and Phil, the only other people that came were from La Push: Billy and Jacob, Sam and Emily, Sue Clearwater, and of course the rest of the pack. Angela and Ben even stopped by for a few minutes before making their way to a family barbecue that Angela's parents were hosting.

The excitement of the party eventually dwindled down and I wasn't the center of attention anymore. Renee was a little shocked at all the food the pack had eaten. I giggled at her amazement. After a few hours, everyone had vacated the party except for Billy, Jacob, Renee, and Phil. We were sitting outside taking advantage of the beautiful evening.

"Okay, Bells. Time for presents," Renee announced.

"Presents," I groaned and sighed. Nobody had mentioned presents.

"This is from your dad and me." Renee handed me a medium sized box covered in pink and white striped paper.

I started tearing the paper slowly. Piece after piece fell to the ground and my mind began to wander back to my last birthday. I could see the burning look in Jasper's eyes as if he were standing in front of me. I could feel the air move from the force of Edward's heroic save. My arms begin to sting from the glass scraping across my skin. My breath stopped and my body became still with horror. I wanted to cry, but then I was jerked back to the present.

"Bella, are you ever going to get this thing opened?" Charlie was being impatient as usual.

I concentrated on the task at hand. Underneath all of that pink and white paper was a new laptop.

"Uh. Thank you, but really, you didn't have to. You shouldn't have." I was stunned, the gift was a bit extravagant.

"It's for you to take to college. So you can keep in touch with me and Charlie. I am going to teach Charlie how to work email. You can't go to Vancouver and just forget us, you know," Renee rambled.

Renee was being lighthearted but her words had cut Jacob hard. I looked at him, and his eyes said so much more than words could ever say. I wanted to run to him, to hold him, to explain myself. But I couldn't move.

"Oh, Bella, here is a card. It's from Sue." I smiled and thanked Sue for her kindness. She had given me fifty dollars.

"Just a small token of appreciation for all you and Charlie have done for me," she offered. She had sadness in her tone and her heart was full of misery. Losing Harry had devastated her. I couldn't imagine what would happen if she lost Seth and Leah. I thanked her once more.

"Uh, Jake don't you have something for Bella," Billy said, interrupting the awkward silence.

Jacob hadn't said a word since Renee let the cat out of the bad about my moving five hours from him. He had just looked at the ground beneath him, never lifting his eyes.

"Oh, yeah. I do," Jake barely mumbled the words. I was undeserving of any gift from Jacob and he knew it. He had given me honesty, trust, and love. He felt betrayed, even though I didn't intend for him to.

Jacob handed me a white gift bag with blue tissue paper. He would not look me in the eyes, crushing my very core.

"Thank you." The words were almost muted, hollow.

I removed the tissue and inside was a silver heart keychain with a single key. I looked at Jacob confused. What should have been a tender, sweet moment, was uneasy. Renee's unveiling of my college choice had changed everything.

"It's for the Cherokee," Jacob said. "You're truck is on its last leg; you needed something more dependable." He stopped short before adding, "looks like you'll be needing it more than I realized."

I deserved Jacob's anger. I shouldn't have waited to tell him. Jacob had spent hours working on the Jeep. I didn't realize he was doing it for me, I just thought he was trying to make some extra money.

"Well, are you going to go show it to her?" Billy prompted.

Jacob nodded and stood up beside me. "Sure."

His silence was tearing me apart. My ribs were on the verge of breaking from the tense pressure building in my body.

I opened the driver side door and got in. Jacob got in the passenger side and sat beside me. His eyes fixed out the windshield.

"Jake. I…I'm…I was…"

"Bella, really it's fine. I knew you would be going to college," he said, quietly.

"I only got the letter a couple of days ago. I just couldn't find the right time," I tried to explain.

"Bella, I'm not upset at you." Insecurity floated in the air as he spoke the words.

I couldn't wrap my mind around Jacob's hostility. Was he lying to me? I didn't think so.

"Are you disappointed?" I asked.

He absorbed the question.

"Yes," he said flatly. "I'm disappointed, but not in you. I want you to be happy, I want you to make a life for yourself. I had just secretly hoped that you would be closer. I feel like I'm losing you and there isn't one thing I can do about it."

"Jake, you're not losing me. Vancouver is not that far away. It will work, it has to. I need you just as much as you need me."

He turned to face me. He touched my face, taking in every touch.

"Bells, I love you. I just can't comprehend my life without you. Dust to dust seems like a better option," he said.

"Jake, don't say that," I pleaded.

He leaned into me and kissed me with passion and force, unlike any other kiss I had ever experienced. Hurting Jacob was not something I ever wanted to do. He was too good, to pure to be subjected to any pain. The road before us was going to be difficult, but I would weather the storm. I had to.

Chapter End Notes:

Ok, go review. Jacob Black will sneak in your room tonight if you give me a review, so really go do it :)


	22. Chapter 22: You've Got a Friend in Leah

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight world belongs to Stephenie, I'm just consumed by it.

Don't you just love a good Bella/Jacob story? Me too. I love them, righteously. But I do not own them, they're not mine., this whole world is Steph's.

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed thus far. Keep it going, cause it's 'bout to get crazy.

Chapter 22

The summer had been uneventful. I spent most of my time working at Newton's trying to earn as much extra cash as I could. Going to college was going to be expensive, and I wasn't exactly wealthy. Even with a couple of small scholarships and a work-study program, I had to take out a student loan.

I saw Jacob as much as our schedules allowed. He was busy with summer school and becoming an effective Alpha of the wolf pack. He had made great progress, and each time I saw him he displayed a higher level of maturity. My theoretical age was definitely in jeopardy of being surpassed. Jacob spent every other weekend with the pack in the mountains of La Push. They worked on endurance, strength, and speed, as well as temperament and spiritual meditation. He was very serious about his duty as leader.

I would be leaving for freshman week at WSU in the next week. We were required to be in our dorm the Friday before classes started, and I was in no hurry to leave Jacob. I couldn't believe I only had six days left to spend with him, and every second that we could be together was critical.

I was at Sam and Emily's house waiting for him to arrive. I occupied my time by studying the patterns on the curtains in the living room. He had asked me to meet him here after my shift at Newton's. Emily was sitting in the chair beside me, working on something that involved yarn and a really big needle. She was always doing something crafty; I pretended to be interested as she spoke about it, but I was growing impatient waiting on Jake.

Like most Friday nights, we were going to the beach to have a bonfire with the rest of the group. Although I preferred alone time with Jacob, I enjoyed being with the pack also. I had become an inclusive member, Quil and I had even made up a secret handshake.

Jacob was going on a spiritual retreat Sunday night and wouldn't be back until Tuesday morning. The pack, along with a few others from the tribe, was making camp in the mountains. So, tonight and tomorrow was the most time I would have with him before I left.

The rest of the pack had gradually made it to Sam and Emily's, but Jacob had been detained with the tribal elders. There was so much that was required of him, that I couldn't believe he was capable of balancing everything. I shouldn't have underestimated him though. He was pretty amazing, full of constant energy. As usual, I felt extremely average when I was around him.

"Bella you're really short," Quil said, rubbing his palm on top of my head. "How tall are you anyway-three foot nine?"

I rolled my eyes at Quil and gave him a sour smile. "Not everyone can mutate into a giant wolf. I may be short but I have other strengths," I spouted as I engaged in our secret handshake.

"That's what Jake keeps telling us," Embry chimed in, trying to hold his laughter.

"Say that in front of Jake," I said laughing victoriously. I could picture Jake ripping Embry to shreds for implying anything disrespectful toward me.

I would definitely miss hanging out with the pack. I had grown so close to them. With the exception of Leah, they were like my brothers. Leah was still so bitter about Sam and Emily, and I don't think she enjoyed being a wolf as much as the boys did. She seldom acknowledged me, and only spoke to me out of necessity.

We waited for another twenty minutes and still no Jacob. What could be taking so long? What took place during one of these meetings?

"We're going to go ahead and go," Paul announced. "I've got a pretty little lady waiting on me." Of course, was referring to Jacob's sister Rachel. He had imprinted on her and it was sickeningly sweet the way they constantly acted around each other. I suppose it could be worse though, Quil had imprinted on Emily's niece Claire and she's only two. Jacob often joked that by the time Quil lost his virginity, he would be old enough to be a grandfather. I smiled at the memory.

"You guys go on ahead. I will stay behind with Bella and wait for Jacob."

_Leah_. Leah wanted to stay behind with me. Why? Was she going to eat me? Rip me into tiny pieces? Did she want to tie me up and torture me? Leah had never directed any anger specifically at me, but I wasn't one of her favorite people either. I feared what would happen once the rest of them were gone.

"Look," she said as she leveled her eyes at me. "I don't normally interfere with people's business. When I'm through telling you what I have to tell you, things go back to what they were before I told you anything." The look on her face was intimidating, so I just nodded.

"There are worse fates than being a wolf. I like to sit back and be miserable while other people enjoy their lives."

Wow, Leah really did have a stone heart. I thought the guys had exxagerated the stories about her anger. Instead, they were dead on.

I looked at her not knowing if I should speak. What could she possibly have to say to me?

"Bella, you need to know this, it's for your protection. I noticed it a while ago; I tried to talk to Jake about it, but as usual he ignored what I was really saying. These meetings, these elder council meetings, are nothing more than a smokescreen. The elders are hoping to find Jacob's imprint. It's not unusual for members of the tribe to sit in on the elder meetings. All they really discuss is legends and the history of our tribe. But there has been a drastic increase in the number of females in attendance. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to know what is actually going on."

"Jake doesn't see it. He believes the meetings are profitable to his position as alpha. He thinks that by hearing the stories and legends, by learning of every battle, of every past warrior, that he's becoming some powerful leader. Jake has all he needs to lead this pack. He doesn't need legends and stories." Leah seemed furious inside. Resentment for her tribe was written on every crease of her forehead. I was expecting her to blow up at any moment.

"Each time we gather there are more and more members of our tribe that have no place there. All of them are female, being thrown at him like confetti on New Year's Day. They have no idea why they are even there. They don't know about the pack or our purpose. To them it's a meat market. They're the same way toward Embry. It makes me sick."

I couldn't process what she was saying. What was she trying to accomplish with this? Why was she trying to come between me and Jake? We were happy, we had a promising future. It wasn't my fault Sam left her. It wasn't Sam's fault either. She of all people should know he didn't want to imprint, just like becoming a werewolf, there is no other alternative.

"Anyway, about two weeks ago there was a girl there I hadn't seen before. Evidently, she has been going to school on the east coast and has just arrived back on the rez," Leah paused, catching her words up to her thoughts.

"Bella, Jake is crazy over you. Don't misconstrue what I'm saying to use as ammunition against him, but this girl is really into him. She's all over him, following him, talking to him, asking him questions. It's so pathetic and demeaning. I overheard her talking to some of the other girls. She wants Jake-bad. Of course, he is clueless about the whole thing. She's older than he is; she's about twenty. He thinks she's just interested in the topics of the council meetings. The only topic she's interested in is Jacob Black. She's started tutoring him in Quileute history, one of her many specialties."

"I didn't want to tell you this, because I know how painful it is. I didn't think it was my place, considering were not really friends. But, when Rachel noticed it too and asked me what I thought I knew I had to tell you."

"Bella, I'm just trying to protect you. I couldn't stop Emily from taking Sam but you can stop this. Even if Jacob doesn't imprint, she's not good for your relationship. And to add coal to the fire, she's going on the spiritual excursion with us Sunday. I promise you that I will not take my eyes off of her."

I stood there quietly, listening to every word that Leah said, valuing their importance and meaning. I was trying to decipher what was really going on.

So another girl liked Jake. It was inevitable, any female with two eyes would find him attractive. The thing that bothered me was that she seemed so persistent. Either Jacob hadn't told her he had a girlfriend, or he had told her and she didn't care. I had concerns with either scenario.

I found a spot on the ground to sit. I put my head between my knees and tried to regain composure. I felt like a popped balloon, all of the air swiftly leaving me to float aimlessly into places unknown. I was thankful that Leah had my interests at heart, but I wish I hadn't known. I tend to abide by the "ignorance is bliss" philosophy. I had no desire ready for a competition, nor was I ready for one. Whatever deviant plan this girl had was already in motion. I couldn't help but believe that my impending departure would only make the situation worse.

"Bella, are you alright?" Jacob asked when he saw me.

"I'm not feeling well, that's all. Leah was just keeping me company." I tried to come up with something plausible enough to kill the suspicion in Jacob's eyes.

"Maybe you should stay here with her Jake," Leah encouraged. "She probably doesn't feel like the bon fire." Leah snuck a quick glance at me and I could tell what she was up to.

"Bella, if you don't want to go we can go back to my house and just hang out," he offered.

"Thank you," I said, trying to hide my extreme satisfaction.

"Don't worry about the others, Jake. I'll be sure to tell _all of them_ you stayed behind to take care of your girlfriend," Leah said. The implication in her words sounded like a siren, but I could tell by the annoyed look on Jacob's face he had no idea what she was really talking about.

Manipulation aside, I was glad to be able to spend the evening with just Jake. As the moments ticket away, our time together was becoming more crucial.

Chapter End Notes:

Review me, please, or I'm sending Leah to your house!


	23. Chapter 23: Jacob's Project

Disclaimer:

Twilight is my playground, but it's SM's world. A beautiful, beautiful, wolf-filled world :)

**Chapter 23**

Once we arrived back at Jacob's house, we went into the garage. Jacob had a new motorcycle project, and was excited to show me. It reminded me of the day I first brought our bikes to him. Just the thought seemed like such a long time ago. Jacob was just an innocent, uncomplicated boy.

"It's for a friend's brother. I should have it done tomorrow. I'm gonna take it for a test run before I give it back." Jacob was admiring his work, bending down to inspect each part of the bike.

"Bells, how come we never ride anymore?" he asked.

I didn't answer right away. I couldn't exactly tell him the truth. The only reason I had wanted to ride the bikes was to hear Edward's voice. My enjoyment in fixing up the bikes and learning to ride them was a bonus. Charlie would kill me if he knew.

"We will. Someday," I muttered.

Jacob smiled and gave me a big squeeze.

"Ouch," I squealed.

"I'm sorry, too much?"

"No, it's my phone." The cell phone that Renee had given me was in my jeans pocket. Jacob's bear hug forced it into my hip bone. The pain was so intense, I was sure the only means of removal would be surgical extraction.

I reached into my pocket and dug it out, my hip bone still aching.

"Here, I'll keep it for you. When I 'm done hugging you, I'll give it back," Jacob said, while putting the phone in his pocket. He didn't waste any time wrapping his arms around me again. His embrace was warm and inviting. "You may never see it again."

"Jake, I love you," I said, in a breathless tone.

"Bells, I love you too."

Billy was on the beach with the others. Jake and I had the entire house to ourselves. I was glad for the privacy, I needed to be alone with him.

Jake was concerned that I wasn't feeling well. I wanted to tell him the truth, but I couldn't readily admit to faking an illness just to keep him from going to the bonfire.

I laid my head down on Jacob's lap, and stared up at the ceiling. I followed the random patterns of the plaster, trying to recognize some sort of semblance. I was avoiding what was really on my mind. Leah had me worried. I knew that wasn't her intention, but just the hint of losing Jacob was more than I could stand.

Jacob was absentmindedly stroking my hair and my face while watching the TV. His touch was soothing and consolable.

"I'm really going to miss you," I blurted out.

Jake stopped his fingers from moving through my hair, and directed his eyes toward mine. He had avoided this conversation as much as I had.

"Jake, am I making a mistake by going? Do you want me to stay here?"

"Bella, this is a decision you have to make for yourself. I can't tell you to stay or go," he replied.

"I know. But it just seems so complicated. If I stay, then we could be together," I urged.

"Bells, you have to choose the path with least regrets, not least resistance," he explained.

Regrets. I was sure of drowning in regret either way.

College was a dream of mine, at least up until I met Edward. I wanted to become a writer, a novelist, or an English teacher. I didn't want to give up the opportunity to go to WSU. Four years seemed like a long time to make Jacob wait, but he had promised me forever. I didn't really want to disappoint Charlie and Renee, either. They were so excited that I was going to college.

"I just don't want you to forget about me. What if you get too lonely? What if you meet somebody else? What if you replace me?" I was being petty and unfair. Instead of confronting the problem head on, I was playing mind games.

"Not gonna happen, Bells. Not gonna happen."

I raised my head off of Jacob's body to look him in the eyes. Truth and honesty was all that I saw. I kissed Jacob with every effort in my body. Our kiss was soft but hard, passionate but fierce, reckless but controlled. My emotions were twisted in knots, being pulled between refuge and loss.

Jacob countered every movement, and his touch burned me like volcanic ash. A river of emotion was flowing through my body. Jacob cradled me in his arms, and in one swift movement, we were on our way to his bedroom.

By the time I realized what was happening, I was lying in Jacob's bed. My shirt and jeans were lying in the floor, beside his.

What the hell was I doing? Was I ready to do this? We had slowly been leading up to this moment since prom night. I needed to breathe, I needed to think. I needed one ounce of clarity. But Jacob was moving his lips all over my body, overpowering all of my senses. He was gliding his fingers all over me. There was a pulsing sensation running throughout my body that was foreign to me. His body was sliding against mine, sending a burst of ecstasy through my veins. I was conflicted between the pleasure of being with him and the pain of losing him.

"Bella," he whispered. I knew that he was asking my permission to proceed.

I wanted to so badly, but I felt weak and vulnerable. I didn't want to give all of myself to Jacob just because I might lose him. I didn't want to make love with him just to stake my claim on him. Although every touch, every kiss, every breath felt right, I knew making love to Jacob tonight would be for all of the wrong reasons.

I jerked myself away, and immediately sat up on the edge of Jacob's bed. I was so confused.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." _Everything_.

"Are you sure?" he asked, cautiously

"Jake, I'm sorry but I just... I just can't do this." I blinked to keep the tears from falling. I couldn't let Jacob see me like this. I was a complete train wreck.

Jacob looked disappointed. He had been wanting this for so long, but I kept bouncing back and forth with indecision. Feeling defeated, he put his jeans back on and walked out of the bedroom.

I buried my face in my hands and let the tears flow. I had no chance of saving the evening. I could cut my losses and go home; I could try to clear my mind and shoot for later. I still had one more night until Jacob was going on the camping trip.

Jacob was standing by the door, when I entered the living room . He seemed crushed and dejected. I had let him down, again. I was never going to be good enough for Jacob, no matter how hard I tried.

"Jake."

Nothing but silence.

I walked closer to him.

"Jacob, I'm sorry," my voice was pleading with him.

"It's okay Bells. Really, go on home. Get some rest, you look like you need it."

"Will you be alright?" I asked

"Sure, it's still early. I'm thinking about crashing the bonfire. I'll see you tomorrow."

It was more of a question than a statement.

"Oh yeah, absolutely. I'll be feeling better tomorrow," I lied.

I drove the familiar road from La Push feeling lost. I had almost made it off of the reservation when I realized that I had forgotten my phone. It was still in Jacob's pocket.

I could wait until tomorrow to get the phone, I would be seeing Jake then. But what if Charlie or Renee called? If I didn't answer they would think that I was hurt. With my history of accidents, all of their worries were merited.

I decided to turn around just to be safe. Plus, it was dark and I did not want to be stranded on the roadside. One run in with a suicidal maniac was enough for a lifetime.

I went to Jacob's house first, but he was gone. He was already at the bonfire, I presumed. So, I drove onto the beach.

When I arrived at the bonfire, I didn't see Jacob anywhere. Off in the distance I heard a distinct laugh, coming from the other side of the rocks.

A closer look revealed Jacob, sitting beside of a beautiful, raven haired goddess. This had to be the girl Leah had told me about. She was stunning, breathtaking. I stood there, my jaw on the ground, unwilling to move.

I had no idea what they were talking about, but the deep exchange was interrupted only by momentary bouts of laughter. I couldn't help but think how beautiful they looked together, how they fit together. She was exactly the kind of woman a warrior like Jacob deserved; the crowned prince of La Push and his princess.

I watched them for the longest time. Jacob must have been saying something really funny by the way she kept laughing. She would playfully nudge him or touch him. Would it kill him to wear a shirt? The mere sight of it made me want to vomit. Leah was right; this girl was all over him.

I watched them for awhile. Each minute that passed by brought about more agony. I had two options: option one, I could march over there and break up their party of two. I could ask her why she was trying to destroy my relationship. And, why she keeps putting her hands all over my boyfriend. Or there was option two. I could walk away. Just go back home, and pretend I never saw any of this.

I decided on option two. I just didn't have the fight in me. I loved Jacob but I was leaving soon and I couldn't continue to fight when I wasn't going to be here. I would just have to prove myself to him and hope it was enough. If he fell in love with someone else it was out of my control. I thought about Leah, about the pain she was still in over Sam. But unlike this situation, Sam didn't have a choice; he had imprinted. Jacob had a choice.

I turned around and started to walk back to my vehicle, but fate interjected a snare into my plan. In my haste, I twisted my ankle and my crash to the ground resulted in two heads turning in my direction.

Great, I was caught. There was no respectful way to get out of this.

I couldn't run away, although that was my first inclination. So, I took in a deep breath and decided to face it.

"Bella, is that you?" Jacob asked.

"Uh. Yeah," I muttered.

Jacob stood up and distanced himself from the girl, immediate guilt written all over his face.

I was almost out of breath by the time I managed to get to him. My ankle was really throbbing.

"Bella, what is it? Is something wrong?" He acted as if my presence was some kind of nuisance. _Of course something is wrong; you are here sitting with her, when you should be with me._

"You have my phone," I said sounding spastic. I ignored every instinct that pushed me toward him.

"Oh, okay. Here," he said as he dug the phone out of his pocket. "I'm sorry, I forgot about it."

"It's okay. I just didn't want to worry Charlie or Renee should they call," I tried to explain.

"Bella, I want you to meet Katie. She is helping me to learn tribal history." Jacob's nervousness was evident in the way he spoke. "We met a few days ago at a tribal meeting."

Days, nope, try weeks. Leah had said a couple of weeks.

"Hi Bella, it's so nice to meet you. You will be glad to know that Jacob is a quick learner." Her voice was elegant and poised. She smiled through her words. "He's going to make a great Quileute leader someday." She winked at Jacob as she spoke the words, as if they had some sort of hidden secret. Had Jacob told her he was a werewolf?

She was even more beautiful up close. Her dark skin was glowing in the moonlight. Her lashes were thick and long, accenting the mystery and suspense of her deep, almond shaped eyes. She was wearing a long blue sun dress, showing off every feminine curve imaginable. I was jealous.

"Uh...hi…nice to meet you. Jake hasn't mentioned you before. I didn't realize he even needed a tutor." There was nothing elegant about the way I spoke. I was hoping to sound condescending, but it came out more pathetic than anything.

She stood there smiling, looking between Jake and me. Her thoughts were clear; she knew I wasn't good enough for him. And, now that she had sized up her competition, she was sure she would win.

"Um, thanks Jake," I said, holding the phone. "I suppose I will see you later?" I turned to leave, trying not to fall again. The pain in my ankle was pulsing.

"Bella wait. Why don't you stay?" he asked. Something in his tone, told me he didn't really want me to stay. He was only asking out of obligation, or guilt.

"I'll see you later, Jake," I yelled the words back at him, never turning around.

It took me longer than necessary to get back to the car. My ankle had started to swell and the pain was only increasing. I stumbled over the rocks and could barely stay afoot. Once I was back inside the Cherokee, I lost all control. I was sobbing hard, cursing in between breaths. I was losing Jacob. This beautiful princess had her clutches into him already. I would be out of the picture next week. She wouldn't have any obstacles in her way then. I sat there for the longest time, hoping beyond hope that Jake would come after me. I was hoping that he would realize how inappropriate it was for him to behave this way. I was hoping that he would just come after me; give me one more chance to make him happy. But he wasn't coming. I turned the key in the ignition and drove home.

The next day I decided to talk him. I could be honest with him, I could tell him I didn't like the way Katie was always falling all over him. I was his girlfriend, his forever, as he chose to put it. I could share my feelings with him, even if they were jealousy.

After breakfast and a shower I drove to La Push. I wasn't wasting any time, I didn't want to lose my nerve. I ended up at Jake's house at about nine o'clock. I saw Jacob's car but no sign of him. Billy wouldn't be home today, so there was no point in going to the door. Billy spent Saturdays with Sue. I sat in the Cherokee for a few minutes to see if he would surface. I had given up hope but then I heard the roar of a motorcycle. He must have gotten the bike fixed and was trying it out. I looked in the distance and saw him coming through the open field behind the garage. I was horrified to see that he wasn't riding alone. On the back, glued to Jacob, was Katie. Her long black hair was blowing behind her. He made a swift turn and she grabbed on tighter.

I had to leave. I had to get out of there before Jacob saw me. I floored the gas pedal, leaving a dust cloud behind me. I pulled off of the main road about a half mile from Jake's house. Once I knew I was safe from detection I got out, still unsure of my actual intentions.

I found the path that would lead me through the woods and back onto Billy's property. My stride turned into a run. Flashes of pain shot through my ankle, still hurting from the night before. I bit my lip to keep from crying out in pain. I found myself an opening with a perfect view of Jacob's house. I settled in to find out what was really happening between them.

Was I really stalking my own boyfriend? Where was my pride? Where was my dignity? I could trust Jacob, but Katie could not be trusted. I had excused this whole thing long enough. Jacob was crossing the line with her, even if he didn't realize it.

Chapter End Notes:

Okay, another one down! I know it was a little longer than normal, and still no lemons. WTH is wrong with Bella? Be patient!

Now go review, tell your friends, family, neighbors, parole buddies, and pets to go read this story and review it.


	24. Chapter 24: Postitnote

**Disclaimer:** This wonderful story is made possible by a little franchise called Twilight. Guess what... I don't own it.

So I'm still working on getting the beta'd chapters up. Be patient with me. I do need to give a big shout out/thank you to my fanfic pals

bloodofbeckie; mombailey; Live720; My hubby is no Edward; Without you all I'm incomplete...

Thank you for reading and reviewing...I love you all too!

**Chapter 24**

Soon they pulled in front of the garage. Jake steadied the bike and got off. He grabbed Katie's hand, and helped her to her feet. She removed the helmet, and a waterfall of black hair came down. Jake went back to the bike, looking it over. They had a quick exchange of words and then a hug. She seemed so excited. Excitement that was far greater, than that of just friends. The only explanation, Jacob was encouraging her. What other excuse could there be?

I could rationalize her happiness. Maybe she had won the lottery. Maybe she found a cure for male pattern baldness. Maybe, just maybe she was going to end world hunger. All of those would have been perfectly good explanations for the giddiness and joy that was on Katie's face. But I knew the real reason she was so happy. Jacob. He had that effect on people.

My mind was numb. My breathing labored. My chest felt like it was being slowly ripped away from my body. The painful fire burned within me and I wrapped my arms around myself trying to hold my heart in place. I was slowly losing Jacob.

Even though I had not witnessed an actual, justifiable offense, I could see what was coming. Jacob couldn't resist her advances for much longer. It was evident he liked her, admired her even. She was older and interesting. And of course she was more than beautiful. She was a perfect mate for the alpha. She could give Jacob beautiful sons and they could live in La Push and be freaking happy.

I didn't want to see anymore, but something compelled me to keep staring. Like the freak show at a carnival, I had to stare, I had too. I was invading Jacob's privacy and I was wrong to do so. I had sunk to a new low.

I would soon get the justification I needed. Because in just a moment, Katie leaned up into Jacob and kissed him on the cheek. His face immediately became flush, but he didn't refuse her advances. In fact, she took it a step further, and planted her lips on his. He pulled away from her after three seconds. I counted…one…two…three. She looked confident and Jacob looked guilty. Jacob said something to her, and then walked away. She just looked after him all starry eyed. For God's sake, why couldn't he wear a shirt?

I turned away and started running as hard as my swollen ankle would allow. I was picking up speed and then it hit me; a pain so sharp through my chest, that it knocked me to the ground. I could taste the soil in my mouth and I could feel the twigs and leaves beneath me. My tears one by one were absorbed into the earth beneath me. My soul was literally dying. I had thought that it was dying when Edward left, but here I was, really dying. I was nauseated and sick. I put my head between my knees and began vomiting. I couldn't get up to walk-I was too dizzy-so I crawled through the woods. I had only made it about ten feet, until my body collapsed against the ground.

Although the sun was shining and the ground was dry, I could feel wet forest moss beneath me. I was back in the place where Edward left me. I was in the dark, crying and sobbing. My heart was broken, a black dismal hole taking over. I felt just like I did the day that Edward left me, lost, alone, forsaken, abandoned.

I lied there for the better part of an hour. Releasing the pain and the hurt I had just endured through my tears. I had lost Jacob. Even though he cut her advances short, he couldn't hold out for long. She would be willing to give Jacob what I wasn't. I couldn't fight for him. I had no weapons. I never deserved him. I was never good enough. I picked myself up to reserve what little bit of dignity I had left, and decided to go home.

By the time I made it back to Forks I had developed a plan. Jake would be leaving tomorrow and wouldn't be back until Tuesday. I thought it best if I moved into the dorm on Monday. I would be gone when Jake returned. He would be free of me, free to move on.

I called Angela to see if she wanted to go to Port Angeles for the day. She was going to WSU also and would be moving in next week too.

I was relieved when she agreed. I told her I needed to pick up a few more things for my dorm.

I told Charlie about my shopping trip and he offered me his credit card. Charlie had a way of doing the unexpected at the most opportune times.

Jacob called my cell phone about five times before I eventually turned it off. Angela and I had really made it a day. We had bought the basics-sheets, towels, toiletries-and a few non essentials as well. We finished the night off with dinner. I was able to abstain from my problems with Jacob and the break was desirable.

I arrived back home about 10:00 to find Charlie sitting in front of the TV.

"Did you leave anything at the store," Charlie said as he eyed the bags in my hands.

"You should take that act on the road." I said sarcastically.

"Thought about it."

I just gave Charlie a snide grin.

"How come you didn't tell Jake, where you were going?"

"I don't have to tell Jake everything. I'm an independent woman."

"Well he called looking for you. He was frantic. Thought you got eaten by a bear or something."

"I'll call him later."

I didn't feel the need to involve Charlie. Although, I would have to come up with a story, to explain my moving in the dorm three days earlier than scheduled. I was so tired that it didn't take me very long to drift off to sleep.

***************

I was running. I was running faster. I was always running. My legs felt like they were going to collapse. I turned back to see what was chasing me. But I couldn't make the figure out in the dark. I kept running. Something, someone had to be chasing me. I was running faster.

It was darker now and I had lost my way. I wasn't being chased anymore, and sadness took over the fear, because I was alone. I was in the dark, tired, breathless and alone. I wanted to lie down but I couldn't. The ground gave way beneath me and I was falling.

I woke up screaming. My nightmares were no longer plagued with monsters and villains; the only thing my subconscious self was afraid of was me. The only person inflicting harm upon me these days, was me.

"Bella." Charlie was knocking on my door.

"You can come in Dad, I'm not asleep."

"Jacob called."

"Oh, yeah, did he leave a message?" I was trying to be cool with Charlie. I didn't want him to know that things were less than perfect.

"Yes he did. The first time he called he said that he would call you on your cell." Charlie paused, and held up two fingers for emphasis. "Then, the second time, he said your cell was turned off and that you can call him when you wake up." He paused again, to add another finger. "The third time, he said that he didn't know why you were avoiding him and that he would be coming over later to find out."

Normally I would have laughed at Charlie's animated facial expressions, but the situation was too serious to be amused.

"Bells, what's going on? It's not like you to avoid Jacob Black."

"I don't know. Nothing is going on. I'm fine."

"That love struck boy pulling into the driveway says you're not fine."

"Dad, I can't talk to him. Not right now. It's complicated. You have to see to it that he leaves. Tell him anything."

"So now I'm lying for you and you can't even tell me why," Charlie huffed.

Charlie went downstairs to meet Jacob. I don't know what he said to him but Jacob left without attempting to see me.

I hated avoiding Jacob, especially since I wouldn't see him for a long time-if I saw him again, at all. I couldn't face it. I couldn't allow myself to see his face again, to kiss him one last time. It was for the best. I was doing Jacob a favor. He deserved better than me. He was destined for great things and I was not a part of the plan. I never was. I didn't belong in Jacob's world, just like I didn't belong in Edwards.

I spent the rest of the day packing boxes and avoiding Jacob's phone calls. He eventually stopped calling and I assumed he had left for his camping excursion. I went to the computer and checked my email, nothing there. I got online, and in a handful of clicks, I was able to have my cell phone number completely changed. I was eliminating every temptation I could. I knew there would come a time when I was weak and vulnerable. I couldn't risk giving in. I was doing this for Jacob.

I called Angela, to give her my new number and to see if she would do me a favor. She agreed and in about an hour we were on our way to La Push. Angela was following me in her car. I pulled into Jacob's driveway, Angela close behind me. I had told her that I didn't want to take the Cherokee with me just in case Jacob would need it. As usual, she didn't ask any questions and agreed to my request.

I left the key to the Cherokee in the glove box and a post-it-note on the steering wheel.

**_Dear Jacob,_**

**_Saying goodbye was too hard. Being without you will be even harder. Please know that I love you and I always will. _**

**_Bella_**

I was taking the coward's way out. But, it was for the best. It was better to end this without an emotional goodbye. There would be no way that Jacob could come to Vancouver after me. He couldn't leave the pack. Of course, there was no guarantees that he would have followed me at all.

I got into Angela's car and we headed back to Forks.

"Isn't that Jacob's car?" Angela said pointing at the only diner in La Push.

"Looks like it. He must be grabbing dinner with Billy." More lies. Billy hated the diner.

I looked back as we passed, and on the patio, sitting close together was Jacob and Katie. They really looked perfect together. Jacob would one day thank me for giving him this opportunity. I was stepping down for all the right reasons, wasn't I?

**Chapter End Notes:**

Show your love, give me a review. Us Team Jacob gals are outnumbered, here is your chance to have your voice heard. Exercise your right as a wolf gal and leave a review.

This has been an a public service announcement for the "give breakthrough more reviews" campaign. This message has been approved by crystalnicoleyo. :)


	25. Chapter 25: The Visitor

Disclaimer:

Twilight is my playground, but it's SM's world. A beautiful, beautiful, wolf-filled world :)

Chapter 25

I was away from home for the first time in my life. Other than Angela Weber, I didn't know anyone at WSU. The first few weeks were atrocious. My course load was ambitious, to say the least. My work-study was spent in the dreaded admissions office. I had also gotten a Saturday job at a local children's boutique. I missed Jacob. And to top it off, I had the roommate from hell.

Hollie was loud and obnoxious. I was certain that she had not attended a single class since coming to WSU. She spent most of her days asleep, and most of her nights partying. She had a perpetual hangover, and I assumed that was why she required an unhealthy amount of rest. And, her behavior was only getting worse as time dragged by. I was barely able to study. On more than one occasion, I had slept in Angela's room to avoid being around her. Hollie had no discretion when it come to boys, and the room the two of us shared had become a revolving door for them. I was completely repulsed by it.

My only hope was that she would soon be kicked out for her actions. I would have requested a room change, but nothing else was available. I checked daily while working in the admissions office. I couldn't afford an off campus apartment, so I was left with no alternative but to tough it out.

I tried to stay away from the dorm as much as possible. I could usually depend on Angela as a safe harbor, but like most weekends, Angela was home visiting her family and Ben. Unlike my friend, I had not been back to Forks since moving to Vancouver. Charlie had visited me a few times. He like to keep me filled in on the goings-on of Forks, and he tirelessly talked about Jacob.

"Bells, you need to talk to him. He's going crazy. He calls everyday to check on you," Charlie urged.

"I don't have anything to say to him," I replied.

"What could he have possibly done to deserve such wrath? He at least needs an explanation," he said, sounding more fatherly by the minute.

"I'm going to call him, I just have to get adjusted," I lied.

I hated to be dishonest with Charlie but I needed him to back off.

I missed Jacob terribly, and I thought of him constantly. I could see him, hear him, and feel him. But, it was all a figment of my imagination.

At least it was Saturday, and Hollie usually was away from the dorm on Saturday nights. I had worked a little later than usual at the children's store. I wasn't in any position to pass up the chance to earn extra money. I didn't necessarily like the job, but is was a viable excuse not to return home on the weekends. And, the pay was pretty good for a college student-ten dollars per hour.

The dorm was busy as usual. As I entered the hallway on our floor I could hear loud music. Once I got to the door, I realized the noise was coming from my room.

I stood outside the door for a moment, while I was deliberated on knocking. I wasn't sure what would await me on the other side. I assumed something painfully unpleasant

It was my room, so I decided to go on in, and that decision was a mistake. My previous assumptions were right. When I entered the room, I saw Hollie without her clothes on. Lucky for me, she wasn't naked all alone. She had two "friends" to keep her company. By the clothing in the floor, I deducted that Hollie's friends were members of the freshmen football team.

"Oh, Hi. Guys this is Bella, my roommate. Bella this is Ryan and Cory," Hollie introduced us as if were old friends.

"Are you going to join our little party?" I briefly glanced up to see that it was Ryan speaking to me.

"Uh, no, I don't think so. I just...I just...I have to get my laptop." After that, I never once moved my eyes from the floor. I made my way through the used condom wrappers and beer cans to the desk, and grabbed my laptop and bag.

"You know...you really should keep that covered up," I said on my way out the door. Hollie had no standards when it came to boys. I was instantly grateful for Jacob, and wished for nothing more than to see him.

Sleeping in my bed was not an option, so I walked out into the parking lot to sleep in my truck. That was a new low. I was getting discouraged with the whole college experience, and part of me wanted to just drive back home to Forks and stay there. After tonight's episode I probably would have went home, but I'd rather sleep in my truck than face Jacob.

_Running. I was running again. I was always running. I looked behind me, but saw nothing. The darkness was a sea, ready to overtake me. I ran until my legs stopped working. I was alone in the darkness. I ended up on the forest floor alone. I cried and sobbed and suddenly the ground shifted._

When I realized I was falling, I immediately woke up.

"Ouch," I screamed as my head collided with something hard. I opened my eyes to see that it was my steering wheel, and rubbed my head to stop the throbbing. One quick glance in the mirror revealed that there would be a knot.

I decided to go to the coffee shop on the other side of campus. They offered free WI-FI, and I could at least check my email. Hollie and her friends would undoubtedly be occupying my dorm room for the rest of the day. I made a mental note to buy new sheets.

I ordered my coffee and found a table in the corner. Charlie and Renee had both sent emails, so I sent them each a generic reply. I really didn't have energy to offer a heartfelt response.

After I grew bored with surfing the web, I decided to people watch. It was amazing how easy college kids were to read. The only thing the majority of them thought about was sex, alcohol, and more sex.

I found myself missing home, but mostly, I missed Jacob. I wanted to call him, I wanted to hear his voice, and I wanted to laugh at his odd humor. I wanted things to be normal for us again, and for him to tell me everything was going to be okay.

I had been unfair to just up and leave without an explanation. I knew what kind of pain Jacob was living with, the same black aching hole, that I had lived with when Edward left.

I was on the verge of tears when I began to feel a sense of acquaintance, An unexplained feeling of kinship. Maybe, I had a guardian angel looking out for me. Then, I rubbed the knot on my head. Probably not, I thought. But, when I looked around, I saw it by the coffee shop entrance.

Only I could recognize what this person was. The marble skin. The topaz eyes. The perfect facial features. I was looking at beauty, exquisite beauty, contrasted with danger.

Beauty that I didn't think I would ever see again. Beauty I had missed for almost a year. I moved forward, hoping I wasn't making a mistake. Excitement and joy flooded me.

_Was this real?_

_Was I dreaming?_

_Was this possible_?

**End Notes:**

Mwahahahahaha. Who is it? Could it be Edward? You better review, or Edward is coming back.


	26. Chapter 26: Moving Day

**Disclaimer:** This wonderful story is made possible by a little franchise called Twilight. Guess what... I don't own it.

Disclaimer: I own a pair of worn out juicy yoga pants...I do not own Twilight.

**A/N**: Reviews...you all have done awesome. Keep it coming and welcome to all of my new readers.

That's all... well except Taylor Lautner is dreamy. I would probably drink his bathwater...I'm just saying.

ENJOY!

Chapter 26

"Alice! Alice!" I exclaimed. The level of intensity in the room picked up a notch as I garnered stares from the patrons of the coffee shop. I didn't know if I should hug Alice or cry. I had never expected a reunion with my one-time best friend; it was all so overwhelming. I wanted to fly to her, to harbor myself in her goodness and grace.

"Hi Bella," she said, her voice light and melodious. She was just as I remembered-pixie haired and petite. She was glorious, and beautiful like an angel-a sweet, wonderful angel.

"Alice, I can't believe you're here!" My enthusiasm weighted over my coordination and I nearly stumbled into her.

"I'm glad to see you too," she replied as she helped me stand upright.

There she was, standing beside me. Alice. I touched her again to make sure she was real. Her frigid skin was inviting to me. She was wearing a pink and white floral dress and beautiful silver heels. She was so feminine and lovely. I looked down at my tattered jeans and sweatshirt; I knew that she disapproved of my attire.

"What brings you to Vancouver?" I asked the question as if I thought Alice was on some sort of business trip. I knew that whatever reason Alice had for coming to Vancouver, my life was headed for certain upheaval. It was an inescapable surety. She hadn't come here to gossip, she had a purpose.

"I came to see you. Let's sit," she hummed graciously.

Why would Alice need to see me? Was something wrong? Did something happen to Edward? My mind jumped through many different thoughts with the speed of a train, my chest started to palpitate, and the hole resurfaced.

Was he hurt? Was he in need? Would he want to come back?

"How have you been? Are you enjoying school?" Her question snapped me out of my panic and brought me back to reality. Wherever Edward was, he certainly did not need me.

"I've been great. How are you? How is your family?" I tried to mask my maladroit behavior with politeness. I didn't want to seem vulnerable. But this was Alice; there was no pretending with Alice.

"We have all been well. You are avoiding my question, aren't you?" She saw past my ambiguously altered façade.

"No. School is...well, it's an adjustment. But I'm getting there," I lied. My life was terrible, school was terrible. I had no bed to sleep in, and I had no Jacob.

"I see." Alice stopped speaking, long enough to acknowledge the group of people next to us. As her eyes met them, they immediately turned away. "I'm proud of you, Bella. Going to college is a major step."

"Thank you," I replied. I chewed the tips of my fingernails while I entertained the jumbled thoughts in my head. Edward. Where was he? Is he coming back? Does he know how badly I ache for him?

_If I wanted to know the answer, I had to ask the question._

"Alice," I began.

"Yes," she responded remarkably enthused.

"Did he...did Edward send you?" There, I relieved my brain of holding onto its meandering thoughts. That struggle was null and void now, no longer obliterating me into desperation. But it had been replaced by the fear of truth.

Alice looked at me apathetically. "No. He did not." _Truth_.

"Does he know you're here?" I asked.

"I have not talked to Edward, in some time." She seemed pained to talk of his absence. I had caused a great divide in their family.

"Does anyone know?" I begged.

"No, I came alone. I had a vision of you. Edward instructed me not to look for you, and I obeyed him. Since, our departure I had no visions of you and then suddenly, you appeared to me. You are in trouble. I'm here on a mission," she explained.

"Mission?" I asked.

"Yes, but first, were going to find you an apartment, you can't live miserably in that dorm forever."

Confusion was set on my face. Actually confusion seemed to find a permanent residence there, along with bruises, scratches and knots. Of all the things that had happened in the last twelve months, Alice had decided to help me now? Where was she while I was drowning, or being attacked by vampires and psychopaths? Of course, I didn't really need her then because I had had Jake. But now, I had no one. Maybe that's why her vision was so clear, Jake was gone and I had no protector.

"Bella, you have to get out of the dorm. I don't know why, but I saw it. You have to get out." As she spoke fluidly, her eyes fixed on the still pulsing knot on my forehead.

"I want out. There just isn't any campus housing," I muttered.

"Off campus?"

"Not affordable."

"It's on me. Consider it a birthday present," she insisted.

_After last year, I've quit birthdays, _I thought. "Alice, no. I can't take anything from you."

"Bella, it's a gift. You're not holding me at gunpoint for it." Alice grinned slightly. I doubted that I could intimidate Alice, even at gunpoint. Arguing was fruitless and I decided not to waste any more of what time I had with her.

"I've arranged for us to meet a realtor at noon, and it's almost noon. Are you ready?" Alice asked as she lingered in the coffee shop.

We must have looked at five different apartments and town homes, before I found the perfect one.

It was about two blocks from campus and had available parking. It was completely furnished and ready to move in. It wasn't Alice's favorite, but she didn't protest. I didn't really need granite counter tops and bamboo flooring, like she thought I did. I wasn't nearly as high maintenance as Alice. I would be perfectly happy in this apartment, apartment thirty-five.

Alice spoke with the agent and after a few moments, she came back to where I was standing.

"You can move in today. Let's go pack your things," she ordered.

I smiled ecstatically, although I felt undeserving of her kindness. Alice had always been selfless, all of them had. But I couldn't rationalize why she chose now to help me. Her family had no investment in me now. What could I possibly mean to any of them?

We went back to the dorm and thankfully, Hollie was gone. I left her a note explaining that I was moving out, as Alice paced around the room, moving from one corner to the next. She finally settled herself on my bed. She didn't seem nervous, but her behavior was out of the ordinary, even for a vampire.

I gathered up my few possessions, left my bedding behind, and never looked back.

Before nightfall, I would be in my own apartment, without the distraction of Hollie. Alice had moved me in record time. We had even gone shopping for accessories, and she stocked the fridge and cabinets. Somehow, she had even managed to add a few new items to my wardrobe. I kept reminding her it wasn't necessary, but with Alice, there's no arguing.

"What kind of car is this, Alice?" I asked. My knowledge of cars was very limited. The Cullens were always known to like the expensive, thrilling automobiles.

"It's a Bentley, Continental GTC, a gift from Jasper."

It took several trips to carry everything into my new place, since Alice was a super shopper. As we were retrieving the last of the items from Alice's car, I noticed a flash of brilliance in her eyes. Maybe another vision.

"Let's take the stairs," Alice insisted.

"Can you stay?" I pleaded. I wasn't ready to let her go. I had missed her so badly, and she was a great relief from the constant loneliness of being away from home.

"Just for the night. OK?"

I nodded in agreement. I would take what I could get. This would possibly be the last time I would see Alice.

I was exhausted but I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to tell Alice all about the last year. I wanted to hear what all of her family had been doing.

"Alice. Do you think he misses me?" I asked, sheepishly.

"I am sure he does," she said, offering me a smile. "When Edward left, he was giving you life, Bella. He wasn't trying to take it from you. Whatever pain you went through, whatever pain you still have, it wasn't intentional. He had your welfare in mind."

My eyes watered and my heart soared. I wanted so badly to be able to see Edward, to touch him. Just to let him know that I appreciated his kindness and sacrifice.

"Bella, if anyone of us could go back and have mortality again, we would-without hesitation. Edward loves you, but he had to take the option of immortality away from you. He didn't want you to make a mistake."

"He is alright, though, isn't he?" I asked.

"Yes. After we left Forks, he started tracking. That adventure didn't exactly work out, because he wasn't very good at it. But, you will be proud to know that he is trying to become a doctor, like Carlisle. He has the proper education; he just needs to learn other skills-the kind that are not taught in medical school." She was, of course referring to the toleration of human blood within a close proximity. Edward becoming a doctor seemed a very likely scenario. I felt a glimmer of pride in my soul for him.

I wanted to ask her more about Edward, but, my heart was breaking enough at the memory of him. I had mourned for him, for his whole family. I felt as if they had died and taken part of me with them. Alice's presence was rekindling the love I had for them, for their life, and my former future.

The next morning Alice was still there. I hated to see her leave, but she had only promised me one night.

"Bella, I'm glad you have moved on." Her voice was so sweet, her words sounded like a song. "I'm glad you were able to love again."

Jacob, she meant Jacob. I had moved on and I had found love again. And like an idiot I left it five hours away without saying goodbye.

"How did you know?"

"Your pictures," she explained.

Alice was referring to the picture of me and Jake as kids, and also a picture from the prom. She had decorated while I slept, and those two pictures were sitting in frames on my desk by the sofa.

"Bella, it's time for me to leave. Promise me, you will take care of yourself."

"Will I see you, again?" I begged.

She cut my question short. "No. I don't think so."

"Alice, can you let Edward know that he made the right choice?"

"Yes." She gave me a quick hug. "I have something else for you. Don't protest, just take it. Consider it my investment into your future. And when you achieve greatness, you can thank me then. Also, I laid out a new outfit for you to wear today. And when you find yourself in need, always check the top drawer. Trust me."

She handed me a thick envelope and I took it, graciously.

"Alice, thank you, for everything." She understood what I was implying and gave me another hug.

"Bye Bella."

I couldn't stop the tears once Alice was gone. I missed her terribly. She had been my friend and we had gotten so close. It didn't seem fair that she had to be torn from my life, that Edward had to be torn from my life. And now, Jacob was gone too and I could only blame myself. I looked at the pictures in the frame, reminders of a happier time.

I dried the tears and opened the envelope. Inside, was an obscene amount of money. I counted it once, twice, then three times. Alice had left me more than fifty thousand dollars. I almost fainted in shock.

Chapter End Notes:

Review Please :) It wasn't Edward...that's gotta count for something.


	27. Chapter 27: Now or Never

**Disclaimer: ****This sweet wonderful story is only a figment of my imagination of the beautiful world created by Stephenie Meyer... I own nothing!**

**A/N: Thank you, thank you for the reviews. I love all of your responses, so post them. I would love to discuss this story with any of you that have questions or comments. **

**So back to Bella and Jacob. What is a good love story without a few bumps in the road? It takes mistakes in order to grow.** **We all know that boys are stupid :)**

**As most of you know there is a playlist to accompany this story on my profile. This chapter's song is "Your Guardian Angel" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. If you've never heard it (most of you probably have), go listen to it. It's a tear jerker. **

**Chapter 27**

**Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - _My Guardian Angel_**

I will never let you fall  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

**_Jacob POV_**

She left. She didn't say goodbye. She just left, and she didn't say goodbye. She moved away without saying goodbye.

Did I do something wrong? Did I say something wrong?

She left. She didn't say goodbye. And, all I got was a note. A freakin' post it note. A note left on the steering wheel of the car that I gave to her. I spent countless hours fixing up the Jeep Cherokee, for her and she didn't even want it. Nothing I gave her was ever good enough. I couldn't fill the void left by that parasite. And now she's gone. She changed her phone number so I couldn't even call her.

All I got was a note. She left. She didn't say goodbye.

_Again tonight? Enough already. _Jared's thoughts interrupted my own. The sharing mind phenomenon was an obvious disadvantage of being a wolf.

_Jake, really, you need to get a grip_.

_Mind to your own thoughts, Paul, and leave me the hell alone,_ I snipped at them mentally.

_Seriously, man, you've got to get control. When's the last time you even ate, or slept? _Paul answered.

_Maybe if you hadn't spent all your free time with Katie, you would have gotten a proper goodbye._

_Shut up Leah. _

_Guilty much, Jake? What did you expect? _

_She'll come around bro, just give her some time. _Quil was the eternal optimist.

_Just go confront her; find out what's going on. You may be surprised._ Sam's thoughts were rarely ever heard. He had a great skill of hiding them from the pack. But I heard them loud and clear. _You love her, don't you? Then, go tell her_. _Spare us all the misery of suffering through this with you._

I took Sam's advice. I called an emergency meeting with the tribal council elders, and asked for a temporary relief of duties. What was the worst that could happen, that they would find me as an unfit and weak alpha and I would cease to exist? Existing in a world without Bella wasn't practical for me anyway.

I hadn't imprinted, and there weren't any of the tribal girls remotely interesting to me. My argument was that if they wanted me to get married, then I had to work on my relationship with Bella. I would just as soon become dust than to live my life without her. It was a good argument.

I left for Vancouver on Sunday, and the drive seemed endless. The road before me stretched on for miles.. I kept going over and over my speech, my apology. I didn't know what I was apologizing for exactly, but I knew that I couldn't leave until Bella had forgiven me and welcomed me back.

I had messed up. The night of the bonfire, I was a complete ass. She wasn't ready, but I pushed. Instead of showing her I could be patient, I showed her I was an ass. It was hard to counter the inner conflict of that night. My body had separate needs from my mind. While the two of them struggled through it, I was an ass. I wanted to make love to Bella, I needed to make love to her. I wanted to feel our bodies connected the same way our hearts were. I wasn't angry at her for stopping me short. I wanted her to be ready, I had just really needed her to be ready that night.

When I had the opportunity to redeem myself, I didn't. Why didn't I go after her? Why didn't I apologize? If what Leah said was true, then Bella seeing me with Katie was not good. Not good at all. Katie was a threat to my relationship, a threat that I ignored.

I didn't look at Katie that way. She was my teacher, someone I could confide in. It wasn't until she put the moves on that I realized Leah had been right. I guess I was to blame for Katie's persistence. I had unintentionally encouraged her. When she came to look at the bike, I asked her to go for a ride. I was just proud of my work and I wanted to show off a little. In the end, though, it was a mistake. Katie took my over enthusiasm as an invitation for a kiss.

Jacob Black screws up again, I'm an ass.

I had no idea how to find Bella. I had never been to Washington State University; I had never been to Vancouver. Although Rachel was a student there last year, I never came to visit. Bella could be anywhere, and even with wolf senses, I might never find her. But, I had come this far, I wasn't leaving empty handed. I had to forge on. I hoped Bella would be able to forgive me.

I pulled off at an exit about two hours away from Vancouver to fill up with gas. I think the stars aligned and the heavens opened, because standing at the pump beside me was Angela Weber, Bella's best friend. Saturn and Jupiter couldn't have contained all of the happiness floating inside me.

"Hi Angela," I said casually.

"Jake, is that you? What are you doing here?" She asked, surprised.

"I'm going to see Bella." I wasn't sure of how much knowledge Angela had of the situation. I decided that evasive would be the best way to go. Especially, if Bella had told her what a selfish asshole I had been.

"Oh. Does she know your coming?" She asked.

"It's sort of a surprise," I explained.

"I see," she mused.

"Uh, Angela, do you know where I will find her?" I asked, as casually as possible.

"We are both at Leason Hall. Her dorm is 12C."

"Perfect. Thank you!" I exclaimed.

"Jake, good luck. I think she's missed you," she said emphatically.

Angela's comment pumped me with hope. I got in the car, turned the radio up, and set out to find my Bella.

Finally, I was at her dorm. I stood outside, trying to get the nerve up to knock. All of my insecurities from the last month flooded me.

_I shouldn't have come. She's going to hate me more. I'm just pushing her away. I'm too late. _

Deep breath…relax…breathe.

I moved my fist up to the door and knocked lightly.

The door opened to reveal a petite, blond girl. She looked like she was sleep deprived and smelled like she bathed in beer.

"Hi there. What brings you here?"

"I'm looking for Bella," I said.

"Oh, well Bella moved out of here. Today, actually. She got an apartment off campus. She must have come into some money or something, she moved out real fast. I'm Hollie, by the way,." she grinned suggestively.

She opened the door wider and the smell hit me instantly. I had to hold my breath to keep from gagging. Every nerve in my body was on edge.

"I might be able to take care of you, in Bella's absence. You're welcome to stay here," she said as she leaned in the door frame.

"When Bella left, was she alone?" I asked, continuing to hold my breath from that repulsive scent.

"I wasn't here, I don't know."

I turned around. The disgusting smell from Bella's dorm room was familiar, the smell of bloodsucker. And not just any bloodsucker, it was a Cullen.

"Um, okay. Bye," Hollie called from behind me. I hadn't intended to be rude but the vampire odor was invading every cell in my body. I had to get out of there quickly.

I flew down the stairs, not sure of where I was going. The situation was worse than I originally thought. Had he come back? Was he living in Vancouver? Is that why she chose this place? Is that why she left without goodbye? She wanted to be with him the whole time, after promising me forever. Her leaving had nothing to do with me. She was taking him back, after being broken by him…a filthy, rotten, bloodsucker.

I shook my head, trying to calm myself. I was trembling and shaking. I was only seconds from phasing. Deep breath...relax…breathe…relax. All of my endurance training was paying off. I was able to control myself enough not to phase.

I was not about to leave until I found Bella. Even if he was back, I would fight for her. I would not allow him to take Bella's life, again. I would not allow him to take my life. He had caused enough pain for one person.

I tracked the scent to a coffee shop, a strip mall, a drug store, several apartment complexes, but nothing. No sign of Bella anywhere. I pulled over and tried to collect myself. I thought about giving up, but then I thought of Bella and her beautiful brown eyes, and her wavy chestnut hair. The memory of her smell and her laugh melted me to molten liquid. I loved the way she concealed her smile when she was trying to be serious and the way her eyes glimmer just before I kissed her. I couldn't quit, not now. I couldn't live one more day knowing I could never kiss Bella again. I looked out the window and in the distance I saw her truck parked in a private lot across the street. _Fate_.

I had no idea which apartment was hers. There were four rows of buildings, each with two entrances. I closed my eyes and inhaled. The scent was burning through my nostrils. My throat was itching and hot. It was sick and sweet. The taste of the leech was making its way to my stomach. I could feel the bile coming up to meet it. She was here but I wasn't sure she was alone, because the trail was fresh. I picked up the trail and made my way to the back row of buildings.

The stench was becoming clearer and stronger. My body was covered in chills, and I put my hand over my mouth to keep from vomiting as I made my way to the building on the left. The scent was the strongest in that direction. I looked at the mailboxes out front, and apartment thirty-five was the only one without a name. That had to be it. I opened the door to a stair case and inhaled the horrible odor once more. I practically jumped up two flights of steps in one leap. I was glad no one was there to witness my madness. I turned right at the top of the stairs, and in front of me was apartment thirty-five. Bella's apartment.

I had to collect my thoughts. What was I going to say? What if Edward was there? Bella would get hurt if a fight erupted between us. I had to keep her safe and I had to stay cool, so I refocused my energy.

I left my tribe, my pack. I was ready to forsake everything that I was. I came here with a clear directive. I would not leave until Bella had forgiven me. I took in a deep breath. Everything, including my existence, was riding on these next few moments. Game on.

_Knock, knock_.

End Notes:

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	28. Chapter 28: A Matter of Miscommunication

**Disclaimer:** I do not have any rights to Twilight except the right to love it. And because of Jacob Black, I love it more than hogs love slop. :)

**A/N:**

You're reviews are the reason I keep writing...please don't stop the review train. LOL

**Chapter 28**

**Bella POV**

I sat there staring aimlessly at the envelope. I couldn't accept this gift. Alice's generosity had already been too much, there was no way I could take all of this money. But I had no idea how to return it. I didn't even know the location of her new residence; most likely they were living outside of the continental U.S. So I sat there dumbfounded, moving the envelope from hand to hand.

I went into the bedroom to put the money away. I shoved the envelope into a drawer. It would be safe there until I could figure out what to do. On the bed, lay a casual powder blue dress and a new pair of flats. _Alice_. I didn't know why, but I decided to put it on. I had learned to trust Alice's instincts. I missed her already. I took a look in the mirror. I really liked the dress; blue was a great color against my pallid skin and my usually diminished curves looked very flattering. I pranced around my bedroom as if I were a runway professional-that is until I tripped over my own feet, and ended up face first on the floor. Equilibrium was not my forte.

I was stunned by a knock at the door. _Alice__. She came back, it had to be her_. No one else knew where I was. Hollie was the only person I told I was moving, and I didn't give her address specifics.

I picked myself up off the floor and straightened the hem of the dress. I hurried to the door and I opened it carelessly, expecting Alice. My heart dropped when I saw the person on the other side. I was weightless, and aghast.

"Jacob," I breathed faintly.

Jacob, in all of his glory, was standing at my door. He looked different; he looked worried and scared. He seemed so frail, so broken. I immediately recognized the hollowness, the emptiness of his soul. It was evident in his eyes. It pained me to know that I had caused it.

"Hi Bella, can I talk to you?" He seemed nervous and volatile. He had his hands shoved down into his pockets and he was swaying on the balls of his feet. His eyes didn't look directly at me, but he darted them back and forth as if he were looking for something or someone else.

I opened the door wider, inviting Jacob in. Underneath the pain and hurt, he was still beautiful. Like the day at the beach, he was beautiful magnified. He was wearing dark jeans and a tight black t-shirt that accented every single sculpted plane of muscle beneath it.

My eyes followed him as he crossed the living room to sit on the couch. I followed his path, but stopped short and opted to sit in the chair across from him instead.

He sat quietly, a prisoner of his own thoughts. I wanted to console him, I wanted to take all of his pain away. But I had caused his pain. I had hurt Jacob. I was at a loss for words. Did he come all this way just to confront me? I wasn't sure. The vexing misery in his eyes should have offered some indication, but I couldn't figure out if he was here out of anger or hurt. I decided not to speak and just wait for him. So, I sat in the chair chewing the inside of my jaw, anticipating his words.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. I don't know why you left. I can wait for you, if it takes forever, I can wait. This last month has been hell. I can't eat, or sleep, or think. Life isn't worth the trouble if you're not with me. Whatever I have done, please forgive me, I'm here. Bella, please tell me I still have a chance." His eyes were moist with tears, his voice was distinctly heart wrenching and doleful.

"Why did you leave me, Bella?, Why did you just leave me?" He asked. He was begging me for some type of solace.

"I was doing you a favor," I muttered.

"What kind of favor? Slowly killing me with heartbreak?"

His words cut into me. I had hurt him. I had knowingly hurt him. I had inflicted on him the same thing that Edward had put me through. _Was I no better than a vampire?_ I cut the thought short. Despite him leaving me, I knew that I could never have the nobility and graciousness that was Edward's persona. He was extraordinary in his own right.

"I thought with me out of the way...you could...you know...Katie," I tried to explain, realizing that my reasons were cowardice and lame.

"What the hell does Katie have to do with us?" He was justifiably angry.

"Jacob, I saw the way she looked at you, I saw you laugh with her. I saw her touch you, I saw you kiss, and I saw you at the diner. I had hoped my jealous suspicion was wrong, but I saw the kiss. The chemistry between the two of you was evident. Jacob, she is better for you than I am. She can be your wife and the mother of your children. And she can help you fulfill your duties to your tribe. Don't you see? I was never meant for you." I spoke defensively, while the memory of Jacob with her was brutal persecution. Almost as much as the memory of Edward's last words, that I was now repeating in a different fashion.

"Bella, are you serious?" H asked, visibly shocked. "For starters, I wasn't remotely attracted to her. Maybe I got carried away in all of the attention. She was interested in me, and my place as a leader. I guess it made me feel important, I don't know. She stroked the ego a bit. But, I never, not for a second, had any romantic feelings for her. Secondly, she kissed me, I didn't kiss her, and I didn't want to kiss her. I was at the diner alone, and she followed me there. She came to tell me she was leaving. After that, I went camping and I haven't talked to her since. I don't know or care where she is." He stopped to catch his breath.

"Once I realized her true intentions, I had to set her straight. I told her there was no chance of me ever being with her. I was already in love… with you," he finished.

I felt like a fool. I was stupid. I let jealousy ruin my relationship with Jacob. Instead of just trusting him, I ran. At the first sign of trouble, I ran. Katie was taking advantage of him, and he called her out on it, because of me.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "Leah warned me about her. She told me that she was after you. And then I saw it for myself. And you seemed to enjoy her company. I don't know, Jake, I was trying to make it easier for you. I want you to be able to be happy."

"So this is all Leah's fault?"

"No, she told me you weren't aware of what was going on. She was only looking out for you." I felt I should defend Leah. She really had meant no harm. She was only protecting Jacob and me.

I put my face in my hands. There was no way we could go back to what we were, the damage was done. I had done to Jacob exactly what Edward had done to me. He would never forgive me, he would never forget, because there was no way I could ever forget.

"Bella, have you moved on?" he asked in earnest.

"What? No! No...Jake, no," I stuttered.

"I just thought...well... I thought. I thought Edward had come back," he admitted.

"No. Edward didn't come back. Edward is never coming back," I assured him.

"I can smell him. It's how I found you," he said.

"No. It wasn't Edward. It was Alice," I explained. "Alice was here," I tried to tell him. Out of necessity I continued to account for Alice's vision and her visit. Soon enough, the atmosphere had relaxed and the conversation had shifted to less important topics.

"Wow, it's later than I thought," I observed. The clock said seven p.m.

"Are you hungry? It's been a long time since I've cooked for anybody," I asked knowing he couldn't turn away food.

"If you insist. But only if I can help," he agreed.

Jacob got up to follow me, his steps right behind mine.

"You know, Bella, you look beautiful in blue."

"Thank you," I said as I smiled. _Alice_.

Jacob and I had fun making dinner. We laughed and talked, like old times. I told Jake about some of Hollie's escapades, about her late nights and visitors. He updated me on the adventures of the pack. He told me that he had picked out his parcel of land and would be building his house soon. The conversation and light hearted laughter continued throughout dinner.

"Bella, I have something for you. It's for your birthday."

"You didn't..." I gasped.

"It's nothing much," he said, as he pulled a silver chain from his pocket. The pendant was a small wolf in a silver diamond heart. "I want this to remind you of me. I always want to be in your heart."

I leaned across the table and grabbed his hand. "You are a permanent fixture of my heart," I assured him.

He pulled my hand up to his lips and gave me a gentle kiss. Warmth radiated through my body, a feeling I had missed. Maybe Jacob would be quick to forgive me and we could resume our lives together. I didn't deserve his forgiveness, but I would gladly take it.

He moved behind me and gently pulled my hair up to fasten the necklace. He placed his arms around me and gave me a tight squeeze.

"I'm stuffed. I haven't had food like that in a long time," Jacob said as he found his place on the couch again.

I stood by the window looking at the night view of the city. The lights, the traffic, and the people were such a change from Forks. It seemed like a lifetime ago that I was there.

"I can't believe you have these pictures," he said, pointing to the frames on my desk.

_Alice_. Her vision must have had something to do with Jacob. She had bought the frames without my knowledge and had put the pictures in them. She had also gotten the items for our dinner and picked out my dress. Alice had made sure to leave a strong trail. That is how Jacob found me, by following her scent. The puzzle was all coming together. Had Alice seen Jacob coming? Had she known that I was throwing away my happiness?

"Bella, what happens now?" Jacob's question caught me off guard, although, I had been wondering the same thing since he knocked on the door.

"That depends," I said, turning to face him.

"Depends on what?" he asked enthusiastically.

"Are you willing to forgive me?"

"Only, if you can forgive me," he said, softly.

"Done," we said in unison, followed by an immediate outburst of laughter.

"Well, what are you waiting for? I've got a whole month of kisses to catch up on," he said playfully.

Jacob swept me up into his arms, and his lips met mine fiercely. Every nerve in my body was on the verge of overload. I couldn't process anything but Jacob. I had missed his touch, his warmth. The way my body came alive and my senses renewed was enchanting. How I thought I could live my life without him was incomprehensible.

He made a hot path from my lips, to my ear, and then down to my neck. He followed the lines of the dress around my collarbone, and found his way back to my mouth.

I vowed to myself to never let Jacob out of my life. I couldn't live without him, and I was a fool to think that I could. If it came down to it, he was worth fighting for.

"Jake," I whispered while summoning all the courage I had inside of me.

"Um. Yes," He spoke the distorted words, without moving his lips from my neck.

"Will you...will you spend the night?"

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

Tease...neener neener....leave me a review. Puuuuleeezzzzzeeeee


	29. Chapter 29:Hollie

**Disclaimer: I don't own it... never did... never will. No copyright infringement intended.**

Chapter 29

"Charlie would have a heart attack if he knew." Jacob's grin was as wide as his face.

"That's why we're not telling him," I offered. Charlie was having a hard enough time with me being gone. If he knew Jacob was here, spending the night, he would really lose it. I could see the vein popping in his forehead at just the mention of Jacob being alone with me.

"Well I guess I better behave then," Jacob said as he kissed the back of my neck.

"I guess so. What were you planning on doing, knocking over a liquor store, or something?" I mused.

"I was thinking a bank. If I'm going down, I want to go down in flames," he joked.

It was nice to see Jake's humor back. Even though his face looked worn and weary, his smile was bright and alive. I could tell the last few weeks had been a struggle for him. Just the anticipation of not knowing if the person you love will ever come back into your life was a draining experience. It was an experience I knew all too well, and my heart ached at the thought of him in that kind of pain.

Jacob was spending the night with me, alone, in my apartment. I knew that the underlying connotations of my offer were extreme. I didn't have to contemplate very long to figure out what Jacob had derived from my question. Of course, I asked fully aware of what would be expected. The next step was monumental. I wasn't sure I was even capable of it, but there was no way I could disappoint Jake again. My last rejection caused irrefutable damage. I had not completely convinced myself I was ready but I wouldn't hurt Jacob anymore. He needed me to prove myself, even if that meant taking a step that I wasn't prepared for.

I slid my body in behind Jake on the couch, positioning my legs around him. I grunted just trying to push his body forward. I didn't know much about sex, and the logistics of his body on mine seemed almost impossible.

"You're tense," I said as I started massaging his neck.

"It's to be expected," he countered.

"I really am sorry."

"Keep up the massaging, you're almost back in my good graces," he responded through a low moan.

I pressed my thumbs to the nape of his neck, and slowly increased pressure down to his spine. I started working on his shoulders, but I was having difficulty massaging through his t-shirt.

"You know, this would go a lot better if you were topless." I stopped rubbing, moving my face to meet his.

"You just don't like to see me with clothes on. Admit it," he stormed at me, showing his famous impish grin.

"You're a dirty boy, Jacob Black, a dirty boy indeed."

"Touché," he agreed.

Jacob started to remove his shirt. My eyes followed as if they were being forced to watch. Jacob was the image of perfection, warm-blooded perfection. His stomach was firm and hard; his chest was immaculately chiseled. Every contour, every cut, was mouthwatering. I needed to avert my eyes but they were immovable, unable to even blink. His shirtless body was making my teeth sweat. I was choking for air. My eyes followed a trail from his belly button down to the top of his jeans that hung low on his hips, showing just a tease of the boxer shorts underneath. He threw the shirt down and resumed his position on the couch.

"Get on the floor," I scolded.

Jake gave me a sour look.

"Accommodate me, please," I begged.

I started rubbing out the tension in his shoulders, working my way down his back. He seemed to relax at my touch instantly.

"I never knew you had magic fingers," he said.

"You're welcome," I said, forcing my hands deeper into his shoulders, while I kneaded my hands all over his back. I finished the massage off with a kiss on his neck and each shoulder, allowing my lips to absorb his sweetness.

Jacob sat up on his knees and turned to face me. I could feel his breath on my face as his lips slowly collided against mine. His vigor increased and my mouth opened instantly allowing him to overtake my senses. My body was on the verge of crumbling, slowly collapsing with every movement of Jacob's tongue. He pulled me in closer, placing his hand on the small of my back, thrusting me into his lap. Jacob's kiss and his touch were so powerful, so needed. I became sinuous liquid in his hands.

When the seasons change the winds feel it. The sun and the moon feel it. The earth knows that something greater, something paramount is happening, that in order for another day to exist, the seasons must change. Everything in existence must align and succumb to the inevitable force that is taking place. That is the best way I can describe kissing Jacob Black. Every portion of my body can feel the electricity from him. Something within my core shifts, and for me to be able to exist one more day I need him; I need his touch and his warmth.

I didn't want to let go of Jacob, and I resisted when he broke our embrace. I didn't want to solidify. I wanted to stay fluid in his arms forever.

He seized my hands into his and pulled them up to his lips, kissing my fingers, gently.

"Bella, I love you. I want forever with you," he whispered.

The seasons were changing again, and something inside of me was catapulting closer to Jacob. Not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Being next to him, being in his arms was not enough. I needed more of him. With our hands still entwined, I led Jacob down the hall toward my bedroom.

I turned around to face him. The hunger I saw in his eyes proved to me that he was ready to make the next commitment. Did my feelings completely mirror his? I was unsure, but the magnetism between us was almost visible. It was more than just an emotion, it was reality. I couldn't deny the veracity of this feeling, this essential need.

Just as I tried to make sense of the confusion in my mind, my cell phone rang. I let go of Jacob to pick it up from the nightstand by my bed.

"Hello," I answered.

"Bella." The voice on the other end was ragged and low.

"Yes. Who is this?" I questioned.

"Bella, come get me. I need your help." The voice was more distressed this time, barely above a whisper.

"Who is this?" I asked again, harshly. Of all the times to be getting prank called! I was in the middle of a pivotal turning point in my relationship, I didn't have time for prank calls.

"Bella, its Hollie. I'm in trouble. Help me," she begged.

"Where are you?"

"The basement of our dorm. I think." She seemed unsure, but before I could probe further the phone clicked and she was gone. I frantically dialed her number, hoping it was a joke. After the first ring, it went straight to voice mail.

I pondered the situation for a moment. Hollie and I weren't close, we were not really friends. Why would she call me? Why did she think I could help her? What kind of trouble was she in that she couldn't call 911? Nothing was making sense.

"Uh, Bells, who was that?" Jacob asked.

"Hollie. I think I have to go find her, she's in trouble."

Fear dominated all of my emotions, and I set out to find Hollie. Something terrible was wrong, I could feel it. I was no stranger to horrible situations, and friend or not, Hollie needed rescued. What choice did I have? I was in no position to defy karma. Whatever situation Hollie was in could easily have been me. I had no immunity to disaster. Fortunately, I always had a protector.

Hollie didn't have any true friends on campus, and most of her visitors were one-night stands. She had added my phone number the first day I met her. Maybe she couldn't call anyone else, maybe she tried and no one else would come. Hollie was in trouble and I had to help her.

Jacob came with me, and in a few minutes, we were standing outside of Leason Hall.

"The basement entrance is around back," I informed him.

I tried to open the door but it was jammed. I started pounding on the old metal door with my fists when Jacob moved me out of the way.

"Bella, here, let me do that."

With one thrust, Jacob opened the door. The basement in Leason Hall was huge. It was used as dry storage, and only campus security and staff had access. Why would Hollie be here?

We searched through the front room, calling out her name. We made our way down a narrow corridor, and looked through several dark rooms. She still did not appear. The basement was extremely eerie. The air was bone chilling, and every hair on my body was standing straight up. It smelled damp and musky; I refused to breathe through my nose.

I called out her name again, but no response.

We searched the entire perimeter and couldn't find any trace of her. At the end of the hall was another door that opened into a small closet.

"This is it, the end. We didn't find her." I was out of breath, and growing impatient with the situation.

Jacob was moving some boxes around when he discovered a pocket door. It was almost invisible, completing blending in with the walls. Was this real?

"Bella, stay close behind me. It's dark, you have to trust my vision, do you understand?"

"Yes." I knew to trust Jacob. His senses were much keener than mine. I felt helplessly average. I didn't possess any supernatural ability, and I had the God-given grace of a one-footed goose.

Jacob had to bend down just to get through the narrow opening, and I followed close behind him. The corridor was dark. The floor beneath me was rough and jagged. I had no idea that this tunnel existed, or where it led, so I increased my hold on Jacob. I was trying to avoid full blown panic when just ahead was a small amount of light. Jacob grabbed my arm and we began to move faster through the winding passageway. Several minutes went by, and the tunnel opened back up into a small room. I stumbled through the doorway and my eyes took a few seconds to refocus.

I yelled for her again, but no answer. Through another doorway I could see a brighter light. I screamed for her louder. Automatically, I started running, with Jacob behind me. The room we were in was stacked with old furniture. A mountain of wooden desks, chairs, beds, bookcases, and even a few washers and dryers occupied almost every square of the concrete floor space. The path was barely large enough to squeeze through. Jacob was having a hard time manipulating his way through the clutter. One false move could result in devastation. I was being as careful as I could. In the far corner was an opening. I made a dash for the clearing and stopped dead in my tracks.

Hollie was there. Time stood still as I took it all in. Half of her body was lying on the cold concrete. Her arms were suspended by an old rope from two rusty eye bolts in the brick wall above her. Her shoulders looked misshapen, as if they were torn from their sockets. She was wearing nothing but a pink tank top and her underwear, and her face was bruised and bloody. She had been beaten so severely that she was almost unrecognizable. Her inner thighs were slashed, and torn flesh was visible in the blood bath between her legs. Bloody blankets and sheets littered the space beside of her body. Her cell phone laid on the floor beneath her in a million pieces.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I had to cover my mouth to keep from throwing up.

"Oh my God," I screamed as I moved toward her.

I checked her pulse. It was faint, but she had a pulse. She was unconscious, but she was alive-barely. Her breathing was staggered and uneven.

"Hollie, can you hear me?" I was hoping for some response, but got nothing.

"We have to get her out of here," I said to Jake when he finally made his way to me.

"Bella, you can't move her, she's hurt bad. One wrong move could end her life."

I grabbed my phone to call 911, and as luck would have it, my battery was depleted. I looked around for Hollie's phone. It, of course, was in a million pieces.

"Listen, I'll go get help. You stay here with her. Talk to her, just keep talking to her," Jacob commanded.

Jacob found a window in the corner of the room and started kicking his way out. In three swift movements, he had created a large enough opening for an elephant to get through.

"Hollie...please...Hollie...stay with me...you have to stay with me." I couldn't believe this. Who would do this to Hollie? Who would do this to anyone?

My whole body was shaking; it was cold in the basement. I wondered what building we were in. I couldn't see much of the outside even with the opening Jake had created. It was dark and there were no lights shining anywhere. I continued to talk to her, and begged her to wake up. My mouth tasted like salt from all of the tears running off of my face. Hollie's body was so cold, and her pulse was weakening. "Hurry, Jake, hurry," I softly cried.

After what seemed like an eternity I heard faint footsteps, which slowly become louder. Jacob was on his way back.

"Hollie, help is on the way. Stay with me." I was pleading, begging her.

"Well, this is a nice surprise," the strange voice said.

I looked up and saw Ryan, one of the football players from the other night. I immediately jumped to my feet.

"You did this, you did this to Hollie?"

He moved closer to me. His face just inches from mine. His breath was stale and hot, a mixture of cigarettes and cheap beer. He kept moving closer to me, and I backed up until I couldn't any further.

"Well, you know Hollie, she's a freak. She likes these games. I had hoped to bring you along, you seem like a little more fun. Imagine my disappointment when I realized you weren't there. This game is more fun with three. But, since she's pretty much useless now, perhaps you and I should finish what we should have started the other night," he leered. With each word he touched my face, moving his body closer.

Eventually, he had me pressed against the wall, his arms enclosing me against the cold, damp bricks. My back stung as the jagged surface scraped across it.

"Are you like her? Are you a freak?" He was moving his fingers across my lips, tracing the outline of my mouth. His skin tasted putrid and I held my breath to keep from getting sick.

"Since I saw you the other night, I've thought about all the things I wanted to do to you. All the ways I wanted to touch you, make you scream."

"Get the hell off of me!" I yelled as loud as my lungs would let the air escape. My former thoughts of karma came back to me. If not for Alice this would have definitely been me. My theory was right. Alice saw me because Jacob wasn't around to protect me. I needed Jacob more than I even knew.

"So you do like games." He started poking my ribs, jabbing his fingers into me as hard as possible. I was on the verge of screaming, but my voice was gone. My breath was leaving. Sharp burning pain sped through my ribcage, as he increased the force of his jabs. I closed my eyes expecting the worst, just waiting for the horror to set in. His hands quickly released from my body and before I could catch my breath, Ryan was being hurled into the air away from me. All I could hear were growls and deep snarls somewhere in the distance. He landed with a deep thump, somewhere among the stacks of furniture.

Jake.

**End notes:**

Really could anything else happen in Bella's life? Can you guess my fave line...leave me a review to let me know.


	30. Chapter 30: Two In One Night

**Disclaimer:** I do not have any rights to Twilight except the right to love it. And because of Jacob Black, I love it more than hogs love slop. :)

**Chapter 30**

**Jacob's POV**

Was it feasible to think someone could be cursed with ill fate? I was beginning to believe so. Bella was always caught up in a mixture of cataclysm. Not only had she been hunted by vampires and suicidal maniacs, she was now somehow involved with a rapist and torturer. Brutal didn't begin to describe Hollie's beating, her attacker had been merciless. There wasn't one visible indicator of the petite blond girl I met earlier today. Bella was shaken by the sight of her. I hated to leave Bella alone, but what alternative did I have? I couldn't let Hollie die-even if I was sure she was going to anyway.

Once I broke through the basement window it didn't take long to summon help. I would have gotten through faster had there not been iron bars on the outside to slow me down. Fortunatelyl for me, I had super human strength, and their distraction was only momentary. I wondered if werewolf damage was covered by the school's property insurance; I had certainly left a mark.

I didn't hesitate. Once I found someone to get help, I raced back inside.. I expected to find Hollie dead by the time I got back, and I had expected to find Bella in shock, or faint from the stress of the situation. What I didn't expect, was to come face to face with the sick bastard responsible for Hollie's condition. I guess he didn't expect to come face to face with me either. If he had, he would've known not to go after Bella.

I heard her yell at him, "Get the hell off of me!" Then I heard what he said to her. He had wanted to do to her what he did to Hollie. He had been thinking about her. Rage burned through me like a blazing fire, adrenaline rushing through my veins. There was no way I would let anyone harm Bella, especially not the way he had hurt Hollie

I entered the building the same way I went out, through the new makeshift entrance. With as much force as possible, I launched my body toward him. We flew through the confined space at supersonic speed, landing about twenty feet from where we started. I could hear ribs cracking and bones breaking as my body collided into that piece of garbage. The stacks of furniture started crumbling to the ground, like a tower falling. Dust filled the dark basement and I heard Bella screaming. With one hand I held him down against the concrete floor, daring him to move. His whimpers came out loud and he was begging me for his life. I was thankful that Bella couldn't see what was going on, the fury coming from my body would have frightened her senseless. I wanted to choke him, I wanted to snap his neck, but I refrained. I held on to one slim shred of decency to spare the life of this filthy excuse of a human. Despite what I was, I wasn't the monster in the room.

"So, is your game fun now?" I pressed into his abdomen harder. "Don't you like playing the victim?" I pushed on his throat, crushing his windpipe and watching his face turn blue. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to rid the world of this monster. His lungs were fighting for oxygen, his body slowly resigning the will to live. I could feel him as he went limp beneath me. I removed my hands from him, and the color of life gradually returned to his face. My attention was diverted by the flashing lights outside. Shortly the police and paramedics arrived. _Lucky bastard._

Bella and I gave our statement to campus security. When the officer asked me how I managed to break through a brick wall, I simply replied, "These old buildings aren't very structurally sound. It wasn't all that hard." He didn't question my motives, most people didn't. Regular humans could sense something extraordinary, and accepted it out of misunderstood fear.

What a night. Just when I thought I would have Bella all to myself, something like this happened. Every time Bella and I moved closer, we were somehow torn apart. She was shaken and scared, and I wanted nothing more than to hold her forever. I wanted to revisit that incredible magnetic feeling from earlier. My body had never burned with emotion like that. The intensity was almost visible. It was a magical, spiritual connection.

Hollie had been admitted to the Legacy Salmon Creek Hospital in critical condition. She was in surgery to repair a broken jaw, dislocated shoulders, and have her wounds cleaned and stitched. Bella and I waited for her mother to arrive before we left the hospital. Bella didn't want to leave Hollie alone, even though we weren't able to see her.

"Jake, I want to ask you something," Bella said, trying to be inconspicuous. It was past midnight and the waiting room was practically empty. Needless to say, I was a little uneasy about Bella's caution with her words. I could see the wheels turning in her head.

"Sure, Bells, anything."

"How does it work, phasing? I mean, why didn't you phase? You were angry, furious. I just thought that when you become angry you phased." She looked so intrigued by her own question. Her eyes were bright with anticipation. I had never told Bella much about the logistics of phasing and being a wolf. It was only natural that her curiosity was piqued. She had seen me as a wolf a couple of times, and each time, she had been scared. I wanted to protect her from it. As proud as I was of my birthright, even I knew how terrifying we were to regular humans.

"Well, you're right. Normally that is how it works, but since I am the Alpha, I have better control. I can keep myself calm and relaxed. But I'm as surprised as you are, honestly." I was surprised, I had gained a great amount of authority over my abilities, but I had never been so furious in my whole life. I should have erupted into a wolf with all the hostile rage inside of me. Perhaps, because I was so far from the reservation, I was unable to phase. It was a mystery.

"So, you have control?" She asked reservedly. Perhaps her question lingered more toward her own fear of me, than her intrigue of the recent events.

"I'm able to keep my cool. That piece of shit wasn't exactly a match for me, wolf or not. Don't underestimate me, Bella. When I'm phased, it's a different part of me. My instincts and my abilities are different. I don't want you to see me in that state. It would compromise everything about us, " I explained.

"So, you don't want me to see you as a wolf again?" she asked seriously. Maybe I was misreading her. Did she really want to see me as a werewolf?

"I don't know… it's very dangerous. But, I would never hurt you. You never have to worry about that," I said, hoping to dispel any fear she had toward me.

"Oh," she said disappointed.

"Besides I prefer to be human around you. I couldn't resist my animal urges if I were phased. It's all I can do to resist you now," I explained playfully.

She sat quietly, gnawing on her bottom lip. She seemed nervous, her eyes continually darting to the door, hoping for some good news.

"Bella, are you okay?"

"I think... maybe... this is what Alice saw. In her vision, she saw that happening to me." She shuddered at her own her words. The memory terrorized her gravely. I brushed my hand against hers, wrapping my fingers around hers.

We both looked up when we heard the door close.

"Are you Bella?" We turned to see the voice interrupting our conversation. She was medium built with brown hair. Her face was red and tear stained, and her eyes were lost, displaced. She must be Hollie's mother.

"Yes. I'm Bella."

"I'm Melissa, Hollie's mother. Thank you. The police officer told me you were the one who found Hollie. Thank you. Thank you for staying here with her." She gave Bella a hug.

"I'm sorry for not finding her sooner. I'm so sorry."

"You saved her life," she said, her words coming out in wails. "I just can't believe it. I knew Hollie was having a hard time adjusting; I never would have thought something so terrible would happen. Bella, thank you, for being Hollie's friend. She spoke highly of you." Melissa was sobbing uncontrollably and she looked like she was on the verge of breaking. I must have misread Bella earlier, when she described Hollie. I didn't realize that she and Hollie were close, or friends at all for that matter. Of course, Bella said Hollie didn't have any friends, so maybe Bella was her only friend, even if she didn't know it. Bella treated everyone equally and was always nice, evident by her friendship with Mike Newton.

We stayed with Melissa for a little while longer, offering comfort, until she was joined by other members of the family. There was no change in Hollie's condition, and Bella vowed to come back tomorrow.

It was 2:00 A.M. when we arrived back at Bella's apartment. She had been fidgety and timid all night, jumping and flinching at the tiniest sound. Her volatile state was founded by the events of the evening. I hoped a good night of sleep would do her good. She was already excused from the next day's classes, given the circumstances.

"Jake, I'm going to take a shower, and try to settle my nerves," she said exasperated.

"Sure, I'll entertain myself with some TV."

I heard the shower running and settled myself on the couch. I could probably use a shower myself. I tried to snuffle in the air around me to validate my former thought, but all I could smell was the sweet, putrid stench of the parasite who abducted Hollie. I heard a loud thud come from the bathroom and then a spine chilling scream. It was Bella, something was wrong. I rushed into the bathroom. She hadn't locked the door or else I would've broken it down.

"Bella, are you okay?"

"Jake," she said through pained tears. She was behind the shower curtain bawling. The water was still coming down from the showerhead.

"Bella, I'm coming on in." I turned the water off and slowly started to move the shower curtain, trying not to look, and panicked at what could be wrong.

"Bells, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

Before I could move the curtain back any further, she grabbed my hand.

"My head, I slipped and hit my head on bar. Jake, please can you get me a towel?"

I did as she requested and handed a towel to her. _Don't look, don't look, you'll make a fool of yourself._

In a few seconds she emerged from the shower, stumbling into my arms. Her forehead was slightly cut and another knot was forming by the one she had received a couple of nights ago. I scooped her up into my arms, and started carrying her into the bedroom.

"It doesn't look bad. I'll get you cleaned up." Despite the injury to her face, she looked absolutely breathtaking. Beads of water covered her shoulders and collarbone, highlighting her perfect skin. Her legs felt like smooth satin across my arm. Her hair was wet and it was a complete mess. I imagined what she must look like underneath the towel. _Dammit, focus. She's in need. Focus_. She placed her head on my shoulder, shielding her face from mine. I assumed more out of embarrassment than actual pain. I was reminded of the last time I saw her wrapped in a towel. I wanted to kiss every part of her wonderful body. I wanted to taste every part of her. She was so sexy, so small, and so adorable. I had to change the course of my thoughts, and shook the notions out of my head. _Focus_.

"When I asked you to spend the night, I didn't have this in mind," she remarked in an apathetic tone.

"Are you kidding, I wouldn't have it any other way," I said as I kissed her gently on her forehead. "Besides it's been awhile since I've saved you from a near death experience. What better way to make up for lost time? Two in one night."

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

Okay...go review...I promise on Jacob Black to give you some lemons next chapter.


	31. Chapter 31: First Times

**Disclaimer: Twilight, characters, settings, plot, theme etc. etc. belongs to it's respected owners. No copyright infringement intended. Just pure happiness!**

**_For reasons you will see later, the accompanying song for this chapter is "Wanted" by Jessie James_****.**

_Put your lips on my mouth  
Put your lips on my mouth  
Put your lips on my…_

_I wanna wear my hair all in a mess  
Cut off jeans, can you get with that?  
Give you something like you've never had  
Cus I only wanna be wanted by you  
I wanna tease you till you're begging me  
And you're on your knees  
And it's hard to breathe  
And every other time is just a memory  
Cus I only wanna be wanted by you_

**Chapter 31 **

I had a disability, there was no other explanation. I was born with a medical disability. My unconventional timing and lack of coordination had to be a medical condition. Maybe somewhere, right now, scientists were researching a cure. I could put faith in that, someday, I would be rid of this awful plague. I had a penchant for excruciating and embarrassing situations.

My face looked like that of a prize fighter, with all of the bumps, cuts and bruises. If people didn't know me, they would assume that I had gone a ten rounds with Tyson.

"Uh, Bells, you didn't have any ice, so I brought you a bag of frozen corn," Jake announced as he entered my bedroom.

Perfect, now Jacob was holding frozen vegetables on my head. This is exactly how our reunion night should go.

"You know, maybe you should get a live-in nurse. It would be practical, at least someone with a certification in first aid and CPR. I'm sure Charlie could rest better at night."

"Very funny," I pouted.

Jacob moved the bag of corn from my forehead, to check the most recent damage. He eyed it acidulously before smiling at me. He moved the damp hair from around my face, tracing a line down my cheek to my lips.

"You're very stunning," he said his eyes gleaming.

"Jake, please, quit being comical. It's not nice to joke at other people's expense."

"No, really, you are," he said, puzzled. "I'm not joking." His gaze only intensified burning through me.

I shifted my eyes down. I was still wearing the towel and I was freezing from being wet-and from the makeshift ice pack. At the risk of losing my towel, I was afraid to move too swiftly. I started rocking my body to get warm.

"Bells, why don't you get under the blanket," Jacob said, holding the corner of my comforter up. "Just until you get warm," he urged.

"I'm fine really." I propped myself up against the bed. My head felt dizzy, so I pressed my palms down into the mattress to keep from falling over, simultaneously avoiding a potential disaster. _Equilibrium be damned, I just averted another crisis. _I always felt victorious when, on the rare occasion, I didn't succumb to my handicap.

"Are you sure you're fine? I was considering a round or two in the shower of doom, myself. But I didn't want to leave you unattended."

"You could use a shower, you smell like a dog," I shot back.

While Jacob was in the shower, I put on a tank top and a pair of shorts. I put the package of corn back in the freezer, and went to lie down. I decided to lay on top of the bed and wait for Jacob. I really wanted to spend some quiet time with him. But no sooner had I closed my eyes, my exhausted body drifted to sleep.

I was running. Again, I was always running. This time I was in the basement of Leason Hall. Darkness was everywhere and I kept stumbling into things: chairs, desks, bed frames.

The faster I tried to move the slower I was going. My legs were uncooperative, just heavy, useless weights. Every door, every hallway, that I entered led to nowhere but damp darkness. I was searching frantically for someone. But who I was looking for was a mystery? I kept hunting, but no one appeared. I yelled out, but no one replied. Then I saw Hollie's mangled body before me. She was begging me to help her. I stretched my hand to her but she was so far away. I pushed my body further. Why were my legs so heavy? They must be tired from the running. I tried to reach out to her again but she was gone. I started to scream.

"Bella. Bella. Wake up," I heard the voice pulling me from my dream.

My eyes were groggy, and I had to strain to focus. I put my hands up to my face. I had been dreaming. My forehead was sweating, but my body was cold still lying on top of the comforter. My head throbbed, and I felt dizzy.

I looked up and saw Jacob. He was wide eyed with terror because of my nightmarish shrieks. His hair was wet and drops of water covered his face. He must have come running when he heard me scream. His chest was thumping and I could hear his heartbeat. I must have really frightened him.

"I'm…I'm…I'm." I tried to give him an apology, but my brain turned to mush. I forgot what I was saying, or where I was, or what I had been doing. Until my lungs forced me to breathe, I had forgotten to do that as well.

I knew Jacob was beautiful; I knew he was perfect. But, I had never seen him like this before. For a change, he was the one wrapped in a towel. And as low as it hung on him, he might as well have been wrapped in nothing. He had ridges and valleys, contours and arcs that I never knew existed on a human. My mouth grew hot, and my lips opened further to allow the air in to cool my insides. My eyes glazed a trail through the ripples of Jacob's stomach, waist and hips. All my mind could process was _'damn'_. I couldn't speak; I couldn't form the words.

I wanted to look away, but, as usual, my eyes were unwilling. I had imagined, dreamed, of what Jacob would be like in this capacity. My mind had not done him justice. He was mouthwatering and mind-altering. My body jerked at just the sight of him. Michelangelo couldn't have painted a more beautiful picture than Jacob Black.

"Bella, are you okay?" His words brought me back into the present. I found myself staring like an idiot, my mouth agape. Jacob probably thought I had had a stroke.

"Uh…yeah…I think so." My forehead was still sweating, but it wasn't because of nightmares.

Jacob stood up tall, and was relieved from the panic of my scream. He smiled at me and turned to the door. I couldn't let him leave. I didn't want him to leave, although he looked just as good from this angle as he did from any other.

His black hair was dripping small pellets of water down his back. Each drop magnified the soft skin beneath them. His broad shoulders were the epitome of strength and seduction-a perfect combination. I didn't think it was possible but the temperature in my body picked up a notch as I followed the path down his back. My eyes stopped once they saw the thin white towel, and I licked my lips; the rising heat of my body had left them void of all moisture. The towel was perched securely just above his butt. The fold of cloth following the hard contour lines of muscle that lay just below them. Although he was covered, the firm shape was very distinguishable and it screamed out to me to touch it.

"Jake, don't, "I protested.

He faced me again, and his eyes met mine with bewilderment.

"Please. Just stay here for a little while," I begged desperately.

"I was kind of in the middle of something," he retorted. He glanced at the towel, only to realize it was barely clinging to him. He smiled sheepishly. He had no idea I had been ogling over his glorious body.

My eyes slowly trailed him once again, and instinctually, I inched myself closer. "Please."

I grabbed his hands and pulled him onto the bed, his body lying against mine. The only barrier between us was the towel. I kissed him softly, moving my lips from his, down the hollow of his neck. My hands were moving outrageously all over his body. He was simply enticing. His russet skin taunted me, his dark eyes petitioning me to explore every part of him. Every muscle, every cut of his body begged me to touch it. So, I did.

He returned the favor. He moved his hands through my hair, then they dipped under my tank top and rubbed my back, while he kissed me feverishly. My lips were on fire with desire. Once again, I rubbed my tongue over them to quench the burn. He moved his mouth over my ears down to my neck. His lips bit my skin, causing a rush of adrenaline. Our bodies were in harmony, responding automatically to each other. With every clench and release of my body, he matched with his own, which only escalated my desires.

He inched his fingers up the front of my tank top, his touch igniting a swarm of emotions. My body was shaking under his touch, and I was only breaths away from internal combustion.

His body crashed into mine like high tide on the beach. His hips moved rapidly against mine, and his excitement was all too evident. He grabbed my tank top and in a second it was gone, then he carefully slipped my shorts off. He started with my foot, and kissed inch by inch up my leg and thigh, allowing his tongue to linger on my skin.

His mouth moved from my midsection to my stomach as he slowly moved his lips up my body. I moaned in exhilaration as his teeth grazed across the peaks of my breasts. I couldn't contain myself any longer, and I moved my hands all over his faultless body. I rubbed every contour of his stomach, washboard abs and all, willing my fingers further down the incline of his body. I softly touched every accentuated muscle, stopping at his hips. With one swift movement, the towel was free, and I had all of Jacob at my disposal. Like the stars, he was beauty magnified.

He continued kissing me, caressing me in his arms. His naked body lay up against mine, softly warming me from the outside in. The magnetism from before was palpable. The echo of our heartbeats purred in my ears. I never thought it was possible to be this attuned to another person.

"Bella, I didn't exactly come prepared for this," he whispered in my ear.

"Hang on a minute." I knew exactly what he meant.

I released myself from Jacob's grasp and pulled the night stand drawer open. Sure enough, there was a box of needed protection. _Alice_, I thought. How oddly specific her vision must have been. I would be embarrassed later, now I was just thankful and relieved.

I gave the package to Jacob; I wasn't exactly sure how the contraption worked. He miraculously knew, and in a few breaths I was back in his embrace.

Jake took his time with me, being extra careful. His eyes and his smile beamed pure love. My flesh was tingling and fire burned in my chest. The anticipation was killing me.

My body was a mess of emotions as he moved back and forth inside of me. His warmth was invigorating, and he seemed to fit me perfectly. Pain and pleasure flooded the nerve endings of my body simultaneously.

"Bella, I love you. You are my forever," he said softly. "My world isn't perfect if you are not in it. I never want to live a day without you."

Jacob and I were completely in tune with each other. Our breathing was synchronized and our heartbeats aligned. Despite the discomfort of the experience, I couldn't have felt more wonderful. Having his perfect body touching me skin to skin was intoxicating. I was void of all senses; all I could feel, taste, touch, see, or hear was Jacob. Nothing else mattered. The earth could have been falling off its axis, but my world was incredibly perfect.

His sway became harder as he pushed himself further inside of me. I thought I would break from the pressure of him. I let out a shrill moan, and he eased up. My body bordered tension and desire, and once I relaxed he increased his force again. Every cell in my body pulsated from his salacious rhythm.

He spent every movement kissing me. His lips were doing to me on the outside what the rest of him was doing to me on the inside. He was diligent yet cautious, interjecting the least hint of discomfort, "Are you alright?" He asked me.

I replied every time, "I'm perfect." The pain was a small price to pay for the astonishing sensation.

He eased himself into me once more, pushing me further. How much more can he possibly offer? How much more could I endure? I felt like I would burst open; my whole body was sweating and raging. His force inside me was causing an aching fire, yet an exhilarating throb. I dug my fingers into him, exhaling his name through pursed lips. The sting of the moment was conflicted with the gratification I was feeling. His mouth covered mine, and his kiss became urgent and fierce. He was sighing and moaning between breaths, on the verge of exploding. My hands moved to his hair, flailing about wildly. My back arched beneath his hold, my knees were weak, my toes curled and I felt like I was flying. He crashed his body into mine faster, more powerful, again and again. I was liquid. My legs were numb and felt disconnected from the rest of my body.

In one final thrust of his body against mine, I instantly relaxed. Jacob's breathing slowed, and his kiss softened. He pulled back and moved away from my lips. His dark eyes spoke to me before he ever said a word.

"I love you. Heart and soul, I love you," he whispered.

My body still burned with passion, every ounce of me fighting for control. I caught my breath and whispered, "I love you, too."

Jacob and I both relaxed and just lay in silence on the bed. He grabbed my hand, and wrapped his fingers around mine. Pleasure, and a little bit of pain still radiated throughout me, and my legs felt wobbly. I put my head on Jacob's shoulder and eventually I drifted off to a peaceful sleep, wrapped in the warmth of Jacob's arms. I felt renewed and hopeful.

_Happy_.

**A/N: Ok, there you have it, the best lemons I could come up with. This was my first time ever writing about a first time. Please let me know how I did. Let me know if you liked it or were disappointed. I'm off to get a shower. Hope you loved it. **


	32. Chapter 32:Clarification Complication

**Disclaimer: I don't own it... never did... never will. No copyright infringement intended.**

Chapter 32

**_Jacob POV_**

My life was practically perfect. I felt invincible, untouchable. I was snuggled close to Bella, in her bed, thoughts of last night's miracle sprinting through my mind. I was incapable of processing anything else, only Bella. Being with her, fully committed to her desires, was incredible. The way she moaned and gasped, the way her body clenched and relaxed in sync with mine was unbelievable. Our bodies cascaded in tandem to the rhythm of our beating hearts. I wanted to relive the scene over and over.

I hate that it was uncomfortable for her; that was the worst part. I knew from hearing the guys on the rez talk that it was a necessary occurrence. I just didn't realize how horrible I would feel for hurting Bella. I hated seeing the grimace on her face when I was too forceful. She tried to pretend that she wasn't in distress, but with each painful stroke she would hold her breath, close her eyes, and absentmindedly trace her fingers around the heart hanging from her necklace.

She looked so beautiful sleeping beside me. Her pouty, soft lips implored me to kiss them, but I didn't want to wake her. I lightly stroked her hair away from her face, careful not to touch the neighboring knots on her forehead. She moaned occasionally as she slept, sometimes letting my name slip out. I wondered what she was dreaming of-last night, I hoped.

Bella made me happy in a way that no one else could. She lit a fire in my soul; she validated my place in this world. There was no measure to the amount of love I had for her.

I continued to watch her sleep. She was peaceful. She seemed so fragile, so breakable. I wanted to stay with her, like this, forever. I wanted to protect her, to shield her from pain. I wanted to please her the same way I had last night. I wanted to kiss her endlessly. But, reality called and I had to return to La Push today.

"Good morning," she said mid yawn, stretching her body out.

"You are very pretty when you sleep." I smiled at her. "Even when you talk."

Her cheeks turned red. She was ravishing when she blushed.

"What?" she said bluntly.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone the kind of things you dream about. Your secrets are safe with me." I kissed her bruised forehead lightly.

"Thanks. I don't really remember what I was dreaming about."

"I think you do," I grinned. "The same dream that I had." I pulled her closer into me. Her hips bucked against mine, and her breath caught in her throat.

"Jake, please." She had a worried look on her face, and I couldn't place her apprehension.

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to hug you."

"Oh," she whispered in a stymied voice.

"Are you okay?" I asked concerned.

"Yeah, I'm just...well...never mind." Her eyes were evasive, and her body was rigid.

"Spill it, Bells. If you don't tell me now, I will have to sneak in here at night to hear you talk in your sleep. You'll tell me then."

"You're so dang pushy. I'm...well...I'm a little sore. It still kind of hurts."

"Bella I'm so sorry, you should have stopped me." I felt horrible. I must have done something wrong. She shouldn't still be in pain.

"Jake its fine. Given the proximity of your height[S1] , I'm surprised you didn't kill me."

"I'll take that as a compliment," I said impishly.

"I'm sure it has more to do with your werewolf strength than you're actual manhood," she laughed.

***********************

Bella was going to go by the hospital to check on Hollie. She had called to learn that Hollie's condition was more stable and that she should make a full recovery. I hate to think what would have happened if Bella had not gone to find her, or if I had not been there to save Bella. It pained me to leave her unprotected. The dangers surrounding Bella were like landmines, ready to blow at any moment.

"I guess I'm ready," she announced.

Neither one of us wanted to say goodbye. She was fidgeting with the necklace again. Just the sight of her made me want to scoop her into my arms and make love to her again.

"Bells, please take care of yourself. I need you to be safe."

"I'm going to miss you, Jake," she said her voice shaky. She was fighting back the tears brimming in her eyes.

"I'm going to miss you too." I pulled her into my arms and held her for the longest time.

The drive to La Push was excruciating; I already missed Bella. She had promised to come home this weekend, and I was already counting down the hours. My mind was saturated with thoughts of her. I kept thinking back to last night. I remembered the way Bella looked, the way she tasted, the way she felt, and the way I felt inside of her. I needed to get all of these memories silenced before I arrived back at La Push. I certainly didn't want the pack to hear them. Paul and Jared had no discretion when it came to their love lives, the arrogant jerks, but I wouldn't embarrass Bella like that.

I was consumed by my thoughts and didn't realize that the temperature gauge on the Rabbit was showing hot. By the time I noticed, there was a plume of smoke coming from underneath the hood.

I was in Port Angeles when I pulled the car over, and discovered the engine was pretty much blown. The only hope of redemption was rebuilding it, again. I had put so much effort into fixing up this car, it had such sweet memories. I dropped my head into my hands. I felt as if I was losing a close friend, not a car. The rabbit held a lot of strong memories of Bella. It signified the growth of our relationship. It was a slow process to get it running, just as it was a slow process to earn Bella's trust. I took a deep breath and let out a sigh. My relationship with Bella had definitely taken on a whole new meaning. We had started a new chapter in our lives. Perhaps, it was time to lay the Rabbit to rest, and start another new chapter. I had to make a plan and figure out what to do.

I was stopped just a few blocks from a used car dealership. It was fate, I supposed, because in an hour I left the car lot driving a new-well, new to me-vehicle. I was excited about the new ride. A black Hummer H3. It was a 2006 model, black with tinted windows, custom wheels, leather interior, and a sunroof. It had low mileage and checked out under the hood.

Now, I suppose that a Hummer was a bit flashy, especially for La Push. Dad would probably be upset about it. But I paid cash and I got a great deal, I practically stole it off the lot at $19,500. I hadn't spent any of my "wolf royalty" money, as Quil called it, even though all of the others in the pack had already spent most of theirs. I wouldn't have bought it in the first place, had my car not died on the freeway. I had plenty of justification.

When I pulled into the driveway, the whole gang was there, even Dad was outside.

"Oh, Jake, man, that is some ride," Seth said before I could even get the door open.

"Check out those wheels," piped Embry. "What kind of sound system does she have?"

It was a blur of excitement. I was right-this truck was too flashy for La Push.

"So how's Bella?" Quil asked. His obvious concern for Bella outweighed his intrigue over my new mode of transportation. Quil was one of the most selfless people I knew.

"She's great, Quil. Everything is just great." I smiled to assure him I wasn't lying.

"Fancy car, son. Do you want the reservation to think you're a dope pusher, or that you robbed a Seven-eleven?"

"It didn't cost that much. I've been making my own money. They will just assume I'm making payments. Besides the Rabbit died, how else was I going to get home?" I asked.

"You could have gotten a limo or a tank. I guess they quit making sensible vehicles," Billy retorted.

My father, the comedian.

"Jake, we need to talk business." It was Sam and he looked serious. He always looked serious, but he seemed urgent at this moment.

"Sure thing. What's up?"

"We've got visitors. It looks like the Cullen house has taken in new residents," he said informatively.

"They're back?" I asked.

"Possibly. They haven't come close enough to the line. We believe they arrived sometime yesterday."

"Well then I guess we need to stake it out. We'll set up camp, and assess the situation. We need to know what were up against. Cullen or not," I suggested.

I needed to know what I was up against. Had Alice spoken to Edward? Was he back because of Bella? No, Alice would have told him Bella was in Vancouver. So if he's not here to see Bella, why would he come back?

Sam and I camped out near the treaty line, keeping our eyes and ears on high alert. I was lying on my back, looking up at the stars, and thinking about Bella. I missed her: her hair, her eyes, her smile, and her red cheeks. I missed her, terribly.

"You thinking about her?" Sam asked, already knowing the answer.

"I'm breathing aren't I," I sighed.

"Lovesick fool."

"Sam, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What's it like to imprint? I mean, compared to just regular love. I can hardly stand to be away from her. I feel like my heart and my mind are somewhere else when we're apart. How difficult is it for you?"

"Imprinting is different than just being in love. There are a lot of great benefits. You have a partner for life, so dating, the risk of divorce, and all that stuff isn't weighing you down. She understands and sympathizes with your needs and wants, but there is a lot left to be desired. The passion and fury, most of the time, is dormant. There's no real arguing, so, there's no making up. An imprint relationship is one of necessity, of love. But sometimes other emotions are healthy in a relationship; anger, rage, fury, jealousy – all of those make for some great lovemaking. It adds a little interest. One isn't necessarily better than the other. But like with most things, you want what you can't have, and you miss what you used to have," he explained.

Sam was talking about Leah. He had loved her immensely. Even through the rough exterior, I could tell that deep down that he still cared for Leah and maybe even missed her.

"Do you think I will imprint?" I asked, interrupting the silence.

"No, probably not, since you're the born Alpha. You're duty is to the pack and the tribe. Imprinting would change your focus, somewhat. What I mean is, if you imprinted, you would be bound to protect her over your tribe. You wouldn't be capable of making decisions in favor of the pack and the tribe. You were genetically chosen to be alpha. It's unlikely that you would have an imprint."

Phew. That was a relief, even if Sam was just guessing. Of course, if it came down to it I would probably choose Bella over the pack anyway.

Sam and I had been out all night. Not a hint of leech anywhere. I was beginning to think of new strategies when the trees above me began to creak. In one rapid burst, two expressionless golden eyes were staring back at me.

"I suppose you've been expecting me?" His voice was clear and strong, but his face looked weak. His eyes were hollow, and he seemed weary.

I only glared back at him. After all, he could hear my thoughts, eliminating the need to expel words to make my point. To say it aloud would be redundant.

I could kill him right here, dispose of the body, and he would be gone out of Bella's life forever. By the looks of him, a few quick snaps and he'd be done for, not enough to even have fun. Bella would be none the wiser. He would be out of our lives forever; I would be free of him once and for all.

She would never know the difference, but I would. She loved him. I never understood why, but she did. I also knew she still loved him, as a part of her would always love him. Every day of my life is spent, somehow, in his shadow because she loved him. With every word I say, every deed I do, I have to be cognitive of him and the pain he caused.

Bella belonged with me. She was perfect with me, so I couldn't hurt her. I had to respect what she would want, and that would be for Edward to stay alive.

He moved closer, and his eyes narrowed as they met mine.

"I could just as easily kill you, dog," he snarled in a low tone.

If he came here for a fight, then I would be vindicated in ridding the world of Edward Cullen. A smile formed on my lips as my body trembled and shook. Maybe the leech would prove to be fun, after all. Thick fur erupted all over my body and Sam phased a half of second behind me.

A/N: Yeah...so Eddie's back...what's in store for Jacob? Reviews are like warm cookies and I love them.

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	33. Chapter 33: Vampire Betrayal

**Disclaimer:** I do not have any rights to Twilight except the right to love it. And because of Jacob Black, I love it more than hogs love slop. :)

A/N: I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you for every message, every review, every nomination and every vote! I really have poured my heart and soul into this story and I'm happy you love it.

**Chapter 33 ****Jacob's POV**

**Playlist: _Breath_ by Breaking Benjamin**

Every hair on my wolf body was standing on edge. I was more than ready to pounce on the bloodsucker. I let out a low growl and circled the leech in front of me. My eyes were scorching through his body. He was crouched down, resting himself on the balls of his feet. He didn't look on the verge of attack, so I relaxed my stance. I would save the intimidation for later. The sickly sweet stench radiating from his being was stomach-churning. How could Bella even stand to be close to him?

"I'm not here for a fight. I know about you and Bella; I'm not here to destroy her happiness," he hissed at me.

_So why are you here?_ I asked him with my thoughts.

"There's a complication. Bella is in danger." He spoke with remorse, and his eyes were blank.

_You've got to be more specific, Bella is always in some kind of danger._

"I'm serious, pup. There is a coven in Denali that my family and I are friends with. Laurent, the vampire you killed, was, for a time, a member of that coven. Irina loved him, and she is in Forks to avenge his death. Her retaliation is aimed specifically at Bella, and she will not rest until Bella is dead."

_That was such a long time ago, why the wait? Why now?_

"Their family is very much like ours: peaceful, vegetarian. They try to blend in with the natural world, and would never harm a human life. When my family left Forks, I stayed with their coven for awhile. Irina had issues with Bella, mostly because she knew the secret. Humans can not know the secret. The consequences are grave.

"Irina lived a nomad life for awhile some years ago, and she also fell in love with a human. Like me, she eventually had to choose. She did the right thing and ended the relationship. When she couldn't bring herself to change him, she went back to her family. She learned of his death recently. That, combined with the death of Laurent, has broken her. She blames Bella. She has been wavering with this for a long time, and eventually, she snapped. I've been tracking her since she left, that is why I'm here now. She's finally come for Bella," Edward informed me.

_So once again Bella has to suffer because of what you are. When will it stop? You left to protect her, but here she is in trouble, again._

"Look, I would do this myself, but Irina is like family. There would be consequences for my family if I killed her. But, I don't want Bella hurt either. That is why I'm here. That is the only reason why I'm here."

As the words escaped his lips, my mind reflected back on the night Sam found Bella in the woods, her heart wrenched and her soul dying. She was lost and kept saying his name, while she lay on the cold, wet ground. I had seen the vision a thousand times before. Sam had a hard time getting past it; he replayed it over and over. When he relived her pain, it gave him purpose and validated his place as a wolf. It only infuriated me.

Edward flinched at my thoughts. "I was only protecting her. There is nothing you can do or say to make me feel worse than I already do," he responded, making the justification more for his benefit than mine.

_I'm glad you left. Your departure only brought Bella and me together. I should thank you. You did me a favor. _

Poetically speaking, I should have flashed a memory of the night I had spent with Bella. Just to show him what he missed, but I thought better of it. He looked sincere enough in his quest. No need to inflict more pain on him. I would save it for later when I didn't want to take the high road.

_Bella isn't in Forks anymore, leech. _

"It is imperative that you stop Irina before she discovers Bella is in Vancouver. Alice and Jasper are close, but we can't risk Irina getting to her," Edward demanded.

_You know we can't just attack. She has to bite someone, or at least cross the treaty line._

"She will. I will see to it. I will lure her here."

_How do I know this isn't some trick? If we kill her without cause we will be the ones to break the treaty, allowing you and your family the right to create chaos all over this place. I don't trust you._

"I didn't come here with the purpose of starting a war. I never wanted to see this place again, but Bella is very important to me. I still love her, and I still want to protect her. Move past your own ego already," he chided.

_So what is the game plan? You're here, so I'm assuming you have something in mind._

"Get your pack together and meet here in 48 hours." With that, he vanished.

I turned to look at Sam. His thoughts mirrored mine: uneasy trust. We took off stampeding through the woods. I was running as fast as my feet would carry me, crying out in howls to signal the pack. I had to get back home. I had to call Bella, to see if she was safe. Should I warn her? Should I tell her about Edward? No, but I had about five minutes before the pack would be assembled and I needed a plan.

Sam explained to the rest of the pack what we had learned from Edward. I ran inside to call Bella, who answered on the third ring.

"Bells, are you okay?" I asked hurriedly.

"Yes, Jake, I'm kind of in class," she whispered.

"Sorry, I just got an uneasy feeling and wanted to check on you. I worry about you. Love you, call me later." I hurried through goodbye and darted outside to meet with the rest of them. I had to phase again, the pack was ready and waiting for my directions.

_So here's the plan: Leah, you're going to Vancouver_.

_Great, I get to baby sit your girlfriend, s_he barked through her thoughts.

_It's an order, Leah. You have to keep her safe. _I didn't want Bella alone, certainly not with the other two Cullen leeches close by.

_We will set up a perimeter in the clearing. Paul and Jared will take the east end of the line. Sam and Quil will take the west, and Embry will go with me. Seth, you will be responsible for Charlie. We're not taking any chances. If Bella is the target, then Charlie is not safe either_.

I spent the next two days in meditation and thought. I wanted to clear my head for whatever was about to happen. I talked with Bella as much as time allowed. I wanted her to know that I loved her. I wanted to know that she was safe.

So the plan was set, the time had come, and we were waiting. As he promised, exactly 48 hours later, he showed in the clearing.

But he was alone. What-if's encased my mind. What if the vampire changed course? What if she already had Bella? What if this was a setup?

"Bella's safe, for now. But there's been a change," Edward informed me. "Irina has re-enforcements, former allies from her nomad life. There are at least six of them staying in our old house, all of them lethal and dangerous. These are experienced killers of the highest caliber."

_So we all get to play then,_ Embry thought_._

_Good, I didn't come to sit on the sidelines_. Paul echoed Embry's previous thoughts.

I gave a sharp warning for both of them to knock it off.

"They know I'm here and are coming behind me." He spoke fast, normal human ears would not have been able to process what he was saying, but we were able to hear him perfectly.

"She's angry with me; she considers me an enemy. And the rest of them will follow her lead."

He could hear her thoughts so she must be close. My eyes scanned the forest for some sight of her and her miniature army.

She materialized in the clearing, just as Edward finished speaking. Her hair was chin length and silvery blond. Her eyes were golden, the honey color made it obvious she had fed recently. Probably on a Forks resident, if I had to guess. Her svelte movements were patterned identically by the rest of her group. She moved to face Edward.

"Edward, you have betrayed me. Why would you do that? Of all the others in the world, you and I are most alike. And here you are, lying with the dogs, literally. Are you still trying to protect her, even though she doesn't love you anymore?" Her voice was plagued with scrutiny and arrogance. She was trying to break him down but he didn't wince.

She moved back and the others joined her in line formation. They were poised and ready for attack. I could tell Edward was reading their thoughts. I signaled the others to move closer, encircling Irina's line of vampire fighters.

"I had originally come here to kill that human ingrate, but it would be much more satisfying would it be to kill you and the wolf, instead. She took away the two loves of my life, first my Laurent and then my Bruce. Now I shall return the deed. I love it when things fall into place." She laughed as she spat the words out, and her eyes shone with excitement at the change in plan.

So Bruce was involved with a vampire-this vampire. That was his connection to Bella. I had never put the pieces together. He wasn't some mental psycho-nut, he was a remnant of her relationship with Edward. Bella didn't talk about it much, and I assumed she wasn't ready, that she was still in shock. But she couldn't talk about it; she was still protecting his secret. She had been facing this pain all along, and I never had any idea. My mind flashed to the night in the woods after Bruce attacked her, her clothes torn from her, her body wet, cold, and battered. Then I remembered the horror on her face when she watched him kill himself.

Edward froze at my thoughts, fully realizing the extremity of this bloodsucker's wrath. He shook with anger, and his eyes turned black and narrow.

As my thoughts were, once again, directed toward Bella, I felt a swift wind across my back. I looked up to see that Irina had collided into Edward with such force that when they landed, the ground shook beneath us. The fight had erupted, and each of my wolves had taken on a vampire. It seemed that we had the advantage, and I went off to find the silver haired monster that was after Bella.

She was engaged in a stand-off with Edward just a few yards past the clearing, neither one of them willing to move. I had to move fast, and in an instant, I crashed myself into her, ripping at the cold marble skin of her throat. Chunks of vampire flesh were scattered on the ground as I tore her into pieces and snapped at her limbs, enjoying the sound of the breakage.

I shouldn't have underestimated her strength, but I did. I was caught up in the rush of the moment, claiming victory before I had actually won it-rookie mistake. Just as I was going to finish her off, she bolted from my hold. She glided through the dense foliage and trees of the forest, never making a sound. I ran fast to catch her, my paws stomped through the forest, the ground wavering under me. I barely stopped myself, when I reached the edge of a drop off. Dust and rocks filled the air around me and I couldn't see her. She came barreling after me and hit me with a force so strong, that I went end over end off the rocky precipice. I could hear trees and branches crumbling beneath me. Fire burst through my body as the jagged rocks tore through my fur into my flesh. I could see bursts of red blood-my blood-all over the place. The last thing I remember was a violent thrust into my head, my ears ringing, and then everything went black.

A/N: So is the end for Jake? Will Edward stake his claim on Bella? Does this A/N sound like a precurser for a soap opera?

Go review...Jake's life depends on it. Well, not really, but I like it when you do :)


	34. Chapter 34: Hopeless

**Disclaimer: I do not have any rights to Twilight, I do however, have the right to talk about it incessantly at the most inopportune times. I'm a geek, what can I say?**

Chapter 34

Bella's POV

I was unable to focus. My mind shifted between Hollie and Jacob, nightmarish thoughts and heavenly thoughts. I had been to visit Hollie every day since the accident. I was relieved to see her doing better, and she would be released in a couple of days. I thought for sure she would die from her injuries but thanks to Jacob, the hero, she was alive.

I had tried to continue studying and going to class, but I wasn't accomplishing much. I was relieved that my Friday classes were canceled due to a "technical problem": the servers in the science buildings were hacked into and classes couldn't resume until the problem was solved. The hacker had scored a gold mine of information and leaked it onto the internet. The school was on a code red alert and looking for the person responsible.

I didn't have any other commitments for Friday, so I was going home to Forks after my work study program. I had to stop by my apartment and grab the essentials and then I would be on my way. In just a few hours, I would be able to see Jacob. I would be able to wrap myself in the comfort of his embrace. I would be able to feel his goodness and warmth; my heart was aflutter just thinking of him and how perfect and great things were between us.

The evening was a blur. I wasn't aware of any of my surroundings. I only concentrated on one thing: Jacob. I missed him so badly. My mind drifted to our last night together. Despite the pleasure of the experience I couldn't help but wonder if I had made a mistake. I feared it was too soon. Only time would tell, I supposed. I wanted nothing more than to be with him every second of our waking lives.

The admissions office was roaring with excitement, as everyone was talking about the internet scandal. Rumors were flying like kites in a March wind. The word was, that whoever was responsible must have had access into the building and a wealth of technical knowledge. There was no trace of evidence left behind.

When six o'clock finally rolled around, I left the office and headed straight for my apartment. I didn't call Charlie to tell him I was coming home early. I wanted him to be surprised since it was my first visit in over month.

I entered the building and made my way upstairs to my apartment. I put the key in the lock, but the door automatically opened. I was sure I had locked it when I left, how odd. I pushed the door in further and made my way in. Before I could reach the lights, I saw someone by the window. The dark figure was moving slowly toward me and I jumped, startled by the sight in the dark. Before I could scream, there were hands on my shoulders, forbidding me to move a muscle. My lungs locked up, and fear- instead of oxygen- scattered through me. Cold chills ran all over me, and panic was forming inside my chest. I was stone still in the dark; I was afraid to move, awaiting the worst.

"Bella," she called out from the dark. "Bella, it's okay. It's just me."

I strained my eyes to see her face. What a relief, it was Leah. Only Leah. Just as fast as the fear fled my body, I was overcome with alarm. There was no way this was a personal visit. Something was wrong… Something was wrong with Jacob. Leah would never come here for a friendly visit. Something was terribly wrong.

"I'm sorry I startled you, I just didn't want you to scream and scare your neighbors. You left the door open, so I just come on in to wait for you. I hope that was okay." Her smile was bright and she tried to put me at ease. It didn't work because Leah never really smiled.

"Um… yeah, it's okay," I mumbled. "Leah, I don't mean to sound cavalier but why are you here?"

"Jacob wanted me to come and stay with you for a couple of days to make sure you're alright. He worries about you. He said you were pretty shaken after that attack on your friend. He said you'd be coming home on Saturday, thought you might like some company. I don't know, I'm just doing him a favor."

I didn't believe her. The only way Leah would have agreed to stay with me is if Jake gave her an order.

"I was actually planning on leaving tonight. My classes for tomorrow have been canceled. I'm going home early."

"Well that certainly changes things, doesn't it?" Leah pondered on what I had told her.

"Leah, is something wrong? Is Jacob okay?" I was worried, fearful.

"Everything is just fine. You know what, how about you ride back with me? That way Jake can bring you back Sunday and you can have some _alone_ time." She smiled slyly as she emphasized _alone_.

What was she insinuating? The pack shared thoughts and memories so it was clear how much she knew. Great, Jacob and his big open mind.

"I don't know if Jacob will be able to leave," I said, hoping to squash her plan. I did not want to go back with her, for all I knew she would drive me to the desert and leave me.

"You have to get back here by Monday morning, right? He will have no choice." She was happy with her devious little scheme, although I didn't quite know why.

I complied and threw my things into my bag. I might as well make the best of the situation.

Leah and I were quiet for most of the drive. She kept the music up loud most of the way. I kept trying to call Jake, but got no answer. I couldn't help but feel a little trepidation by his absence. The whole scenario seemed unreal. I felt like there was something bigger that I was missing.

I laid my head back and closed my eyes. I would be with Jacob soon enough; he would dispel my uneasiness. He would make things better. He would wrap his big arms around and squeeze me a little too tight. His lips would greet me soft and hot, leaving me breathless and staggering.

I called again, but still no answer. I was nervous, fidgeting with anything that would fit between my fingers.

"Relax B, he's probably with Sam. I'll drive you to La Push before taking you home to Charlie, okay?" Leah had given me a nickname, and an endearing one at that. She was also being unusually optimistic. Maybe she had been abducted by aliens.

"Sure. Thanks," I replied half-heartedly.

It was almost midnight when we arrived in La Push. Leah didn't seem the least bit tired. She must have super wolf energy. The lights were all off when we pulled into Jake's driveway. _Maybe everyone was asleep_, I thought.

I was shocked to see the beast of metal sitting by the garage. Where did that come from? Leah must have read the expression on my face and she answered my question before I asked.

"Didn't Jake tell you he bought a new truck?" Leah smirked.

"No. I guess it slipped his mind," I replied, uncertainly. "What happened to the rabbit?"

"It died on the freeway. This is it's replacement," she said, kicking at the tire. "Pretty big upgrade if you ask me," she declared.

Leah entered Jake's house and I followed behind her. Billy and Jake were both gone-no sign of them anywhere.

"Maybe they're at Sam's," she suggested, turning back toward the driveway.

I closed the door behind me and made my way back to Leah's car.

When we arrived at Sam's there was plenty of activity going on. Every light was on and there were at least six vehicles in the driveway.

"Bella, you stay here. I'll be back. I'm going to make sure Jake is here."

I complied with her request, but with each passing second I was growing more and more antsy.

She stopped on the front porch to talk with Paul and Jared. I couldn't make out the details of their face, but I could tell that they were talking to her in a raised voice, and she was arguing back with them. Their exchange was heated for awhile, then she went inside. She seemed to be in there forever. I was growing intense, biting on my fingernails to occupy some nervous energy.

What was going on? What was taking her so long? Why was I waiting in the car?

I couldn't take the suspense any longer. I bolted from the car and ran to the house, nearly tripping over my own feet. Paul stepped in front of the door to block me from going in. He was hiding something, but I didn't know what.

"Hi, Bella."

"Where's Jake? Where did Leah go? What's going on?" I demanded.

"Bella, you shouldn't go in," Jared said sympathetically.

"It's alright, she will learn soon enough." Billy had moved his wheelchair to the door. "Come in Bella."

His face looked detached and he was visibly shaken. Billy always seemed strong to me. Even in a wheelchair, his character was staunch and fervent. I was looking into the eyes of a broken man, and it pained me to do so.

I moved my stare from him to the couch. Emily was sitting by Rachel, grasping her hands. Rachel's eyes were red and swollen, tears still streaming from her face. Both of them stared at me with a hollow expression, pity and resentment all in one. I felt like I was being gutted. Uncontrolled hysteria was building inside of me and I was on the verge of breaking down. I saw Seth sitting in the floor by Sam. His eyes brimmed with the hint of tears, also. He seemed so young, so fragile. Sam was immoveable, his face somber and lonesome. Leah was behind me; she refused to make eye contact with anyone. Quil and Embry entered the living room from the hallway, both of them looked as though they were on the verge of shattering into pieces. I looked around and counted again. Everyone was there, everyone but Jacob.

"NO!" I screamed. Tears spilled to the floor beneath me. The room started spinning and I fought to stay upright. Leah grabbed my arm. "Bella, I'm so sorry."

"NO, where is Jacob? Where is he? What happened?" I wailed. My voice cracked under the weight of the words and my knees became water. I collapsed into Leah's hold.

"Where's Jacob? NO! NO!" I cried out again and again.

"Bella, come with me," Sam spoke soft and firm. He grabbed my arm, controlling my steps as we moved forward. The cries from the other room resonated in my ears, urging me to let loose of the river that was built up behind my own eyes.

Sam led me into the guest bedroom off of the hallway. I gasped when I saw Jacob lying there, motionless and unconscious. I inched closer to him, hoping to see him move, to flinch. His breathing was shallow, and his skin was blotchy and pale. I put my lips on his forehead. His skin was salty from sweating, but he was cold to the touch. I rubbed his hair, hoping my touch would wake him. I spoke his name, but he didn't stir.

I dropped to the floor with my head in my hands. This couldn't be happening. I couldn't lose Jacob, not now, I needed him. I couldn't breathe and I started to hyperventilate. I punched the floor with my fists as hard as I could. Eventually, Sam came over and picked me up from the floor.

"What happened?" I asked Sam as he sat me up against the wall.

"Vampires," he said coolly. "Six of them, we were able to destroy them, but Jake got hurt in the process."

Vampires? Had the Cullen's done this to Jake?

"How?" I couldn't believe Jake would get hurt. He was stronger and more skillful than any of the wolves, even Sam. He wasn't weak. How could he get hurt?

"He was out maneuvered; he ended up falling from a cliff. His superficial injuries have healed but he hit his head really hard. We've been unable to get him to wake up."

"You think he will recover?" I asked, building up hope.

"It's hard to say. His other injuries healed very quickly so we are hoping that the rest of his body is healing too. All we can do is wait it out. I'm really sorry."

"This is my fault, isn't it?" I don't know why I asked, because I knew the answer.

"No. You can't blame yourself," Sam said softly.

"Every single person in that room is blaming me, I can blame myself. I'm good for it."

"Bella, you are a part of Jacob, and you are a part of us. It's not your fault. Jacob wouldn't want you to beat yourself up over this," Sam insisted.

"These vampires, were they…" I didn't want to think it, but was it possible these vampires were the Cullen's?

"No. It wasn't them." He left the room and closed the door behind him.

I carved a spot out on the bed beside Jacob. My tears flowed and I cried out, praying, hoping for a miracle. I lay there next to Jacob for a long time. I counted his breaths and watched every rise and fall of his chest. There was no visible improvement, and I felt helpless.

"Bella, do you need anything?"

I turned my head to see Emily peaking through the door. I shook my head no, and resumed my position beside Jacob. I thought she had left, but a moment later she knelt beside of me.

"Bella, it's a good sign that he is still alive. His body is fighting," she said reassuringly.

I met her teary gaze with my own and nodded.

"It's hard being a wolf girl, isn't it?" she smiled. Her face was so beautiful even with one side scarred.

Jacob still felt clammy and cold. Emily gave me a wet towel to keep on his head. "It works in the movies," she had said.

I eventually crashed as my body succumbed to the exhaustion of the night. I slept beside Jacob, dreaming of a miracle. I held out hope that when the sun came up things would be better.

A/N: So if you don't review Jacob dies...mwahahahahaha

J/k


	35. Chapter 35: One More Chance

**Disclaimer: The wonderful of Twilight is not mine... no infringement intended.**

**Chapter 35**

The long night was over and the morning sky was dark, the clouds peeled back just enough for a tease of sunshine. Jacob was still lying in Emily's guest bed, still lifeless. His body, although large and stern, looked frail and weak. His condition was still the same. There was no medical treatment, no cure-all that could help him. He was part werewolf; taking him to a hospital or seeking a doctor would be completely improbable. His body was capable of regenerating itself, but he had been unconscious for almost 24 hours, with very little change. The odds were against him.

My body ached from exhaustion. All in all, I had accumulated about two hours of sleep before I decided to give up entirely. I could hear the stir of people from the other room and rose up from the confines of the bed. I was stupefied, my brain was groggy, and my thoughts were belligerent. My swollen eyes could barely focus enough to see.

"Here, Bella, have some coffee." Rachel handed me a cup of black coffee after she entered the desolate room.

"Thanks." I pushed my hair back from my forehead and took a gulp. The taste was bitter, my mouth was parched, and all I could taste was the salt from my tears.

"I know you love him." She sat down on the bed beside Jake and rubbed his hand. "Even if Jake is almost seven foot tall, he's still my baby brother. I still see him as a needy, scared little kid." She paused and wiped the tears from her eyes. "When our mom died, Dad was lost. Me and Becca had to take care of Jake. We're a lot closer than most people realize. It's hard to see him like this."

She was mourning for her brother and I felt broken for her. Like the host of other people in the house, she was growing impatient, just waiting.

"I'm sorry Rachel. This is somehow connected to me and it's my entire fault," I apologized.

"Bella, Jake knew what he was getting into with you. You can't blame yourself. There is always going to be a risk. He's a werewolf. Whether you are here or not, it's part of the job." She laughed at the absurdity of her words. "I better go check on Dad, do you need anything? Are you hungry?" she asked politely.

"No, thank you," I replied.

I resumed my place next to Jacob. I rubbed my fingers along his face over his jaw line and traced his lips. I ran my fingers across his hair-still matted with dirt and dried blood. Cold chills ran across my spine just thinking of what he had endured yesterday. His breathing had steadied and his temperature had increased. I was thankful for the small improvements, but I needed him to wake up.

"Jacob. Can you hear me? Jake can you wake up? Please, Jake, I need you to wake up. Don't do this to me." I was pleading, begging, and hoping, like I had done a thousand times before. Each time it was in vain.

I paced the floor, moving from the bed to the window. I continued to walk even though my legs were heavy. I was compelled to do something to help Jacob, but I was defenseless. There was nothing that I could do. I stopped at the window just as the sun peaked through the dark clouds, and I wished for my other sun to peak through the clouds surrounding him. I needed him to survive. I simply needed him.

I walked back to the bed and knelt down by Jacob. I pulled the sheet around him tighter and sat back down beside him. It was a nominal gesture, but I was helpless. I needed to do something-anything. I wrapped my fingers around his still hands. His hands usually brought comfort and strength to me. But as I felt their lifeless form, I realized there are no guarantees in life; every minute is valuable. One day my life is happy and perfect and the next I'm left praying on my hands and knees for the one person I need more than anyone else to live.

"Jake please wake up," I whispered into his ear.

The minutes crept into hours, and the room sat still.. The sky outside was dark, the sun marred with gray clouds fighting to soar through. It was much like the scene inside. I was overcome with grief and anguish. I wanted to break, I wanted to crawl away. I wanted to drift off into darkness and forget about everything. I wanted to go back to happier times. I needed to hear his voice, I needed to see his smile, and I wanted, more than anything else, to see Jacob's impish grin and hear him laugh.

Tears of sorrow fell as I pressed my face in to Jacob's chest. I needed to hear his heartbeat, to know that somewhere in his shell of a body there was some shred of life. I needed to restore my hope; I needed to keep hope alive.

I stayed there until my sobs became silent. The sun finally broke through the clouds, filling the room with warmth and light. I had to squint my eyes to adjust to the influx of light. My tears were dry, their supply have been cut off long before. My throat burned and ached, and my head was preassurized to explode.

My world was falling apart. I cursed in spite of myself.

"Jake, please wake up." My hope was diminishing, hanging on by a single strand. I cried out again. "Jake, I need you."

I lay there on his chest praying once again that he would live.

"Bella."

"Yes," I replied out of obligation.

"Bella," his voice was cracked and weak.

"Oh my God, you're awake!" Joy and relief swept over me, and I jumped up out of the bed. I stared at him to make sure it was real.

"Bella, where exactly are we?" he asked.

"You're at Sam's house. Jake, you're here, and you're alive, and you're…you're Jake."

My erratic screaming had caused a stampede, and in a few seconds the tiny bedroom was filled with visitors.

I hugged Jacob, like never before. My eyes found a new reserve and tears began falling again, tears of complete happiness.

"Bella, I'm kind of hungry," he muttered out.

"I'll be right back. Don't worry." I ran into the kitchen like a maniac. I raided the cabinets for anything edible that I could find. In a few minutes, Emily and Rachel joined me.

**Jacob's POV**

My head was throbbing, and my vision was somewhat blurred. I started to suffocate from the crowd inside the small room. Bella ran out of here like she was on fire. How long was I out of it? What was going on? What was her rush? I was always hungry.

I tried to sit up, but my body was liquid. I wasn't in any actual pain, just extremely exhausted.

"You gave us a real scare son," Dad said.

"Uh, I'm sorry. What happened?"

"Hey Emily, why don't you and Rach go help Bella in the kitchen. We need to get some food in this boy," Sam said, trying to be coy. Everyone could see through it, it was uncharacteristic of him. He was always stern and direct. There was never a hidden agenda with Sam. His odd behavior had my nerves on edge.

After the girls cleared the room, Sam moved closer. "How much do you remember?" he whispered.

"The last thing I remember was rolling down the side of a mountain," I replied honestly.

Sam glanced at the door before speaking. Whatever he had to say he did not want Bella to hear.

"We finished up with the _leech problems_ and couldn't find you. When we discovered you had fallen, we went searching for you. Your body was wedged between two boulders on the side of the mountain. The incline was so steep that we couldn't get to you-wolf form or human form," Sam informed me.

"We tried but we just couldn't reach you," Quil added.

"So how-"

Sam cut my question short with his answer. "Edward. He followed you when you and the other one took off. He saw you in trouble, so he went and pulled you out. He brought you to the clearing and made us promise to keep you alive. Paul and Jared stayed behind to clean up the mess, while we brought you back here," Sam continued.

I rubbed my head, trying to absorb Sam's words. Edward had saved my life. He was the hero? What a paradox.

"He said he owed it to Bella," Embry whispered. So his retribution for destroying her life was saving mine? I'm not sure she would accept that as a worthy sacrifice.

"You're injuries healed rather quickly, but you wouldn't wake up. You hit your head hard," Paul chimed in.

"Irina...did she get away?" I feared the worst. If that leech got away then Bella was still a target.

"You got her really good, Jake. We just finished her off," Jared boasted.

The pack continued to fill me in on the slaying of the vampires. It was such a rush for us to do what we were born to do. The adrenaline and the hype was almost erotic for us. The pack thoroughly enjoyed mauling the marble creatures to death. Had I not nearly died, it would have been a perfect day.

I was sitting up by the time Bella came in carrying a tray with an obscene amount of food on it. I was silently praying that she wouldn't drop it before she reached me. I was famished, and that meal looked incredible.

She sat beside me while I consumed the contents before me, watching every bite I took. She would randomly pat my arm and leg affectionately. Her concern felt nice, but she seemed worn and tired. Her eyes were heavy, her lids barely opened. I offered her a bite of my food, but she declined.

"I think I'm ready to go home," I said, as Emily carried the tray back into the kitchen.

I felt a lot better, although I was still drained. The regeneration of my head injury must have taken a lot from me, leaving me sluggish and slow.

"Are you sure? You're welcome to stay here as long as you want," Sam interjected.

"I think I'll be alright, I'm kind of missing my own bed, and I need some quality time with my fave girl." I grabbed Bella's hand and met her gaze with my own, giving her a slight impish grin. Her face lit up and she returned the smile. It was so good to see her, even if I didn't feel like sitting up.

I said my goodbyes and in a few minutes Rachel was taking me and Bella home. She and Billy had decided to go to Sue's for the evening, leaving me and Bella with some privacy.

Walking into the house winded me; I was weaker than I thought. I fell over into the couch to catch my breath.

"Jake, are you alright?" Bella asked worriedly.

"Yeah, I'm just really weak. Give me a minute." I pulled Bella down on the couch with me. She was visibly trying not to push her weight on me to keep from hurting me. I giggled at her gesture, as if her tiny frame could ever hurt me.

"Bells, I'm not in pain, I'm just a little woozy," I said as I squeezed her tighter into my hold.

I could smell the leech on my skin, and I felt gritty and dirty. My hair was sticky and matted with blood. I wanted nothing more than a hot shower to rid my body of the traces of my encounter in the woods.

"Hey Bells, would you help me get a shower?" It was a bold question, but I knew there was no way I could do it by myself.

"Sure, Jake. I'll go start the water for you."

"No…Bella…I mean will you-" I stopped my sentence short as realization lit up on her face. She was blushing, and her eyes grew wide with anxiety.

"Only if you want to though. I'm sorry to ask but I just don't think I can," I said reassuringly.

"Come on. It's the least I could do for you," she replied.

Bella helped me into the bathroom and turned the water on. She laid a couple of towels out on the towel bar and helped me out of my jean shorts. It was a little awkward, needing her to help me, but she was agreeable-even pleased to do so. I moved the curtain back and braced myself to keep from falling. I was dizzy and the room was spinning, but once the water washed over me, I started to feel renewed.

In a second, Bella joined me. She was beautiful, her body petite and perfect. My eyes followed every sensational curve and angle of her body. Her skin glistened as the drops of water began falling on her. I leaned against the cold tile and pulled her in close to me. Her skin was electric against mine. I kissed her with hunger and passion. She parted her lips and I washed my tongue in the taste of mouth. My body swayed with hers, as her kiss deepened. We broke away breathless, and Bella had tears in her eyes. Her hair was wet and clung to her face magically. She blinked away the drops of water from her lashes, and kissed me again.

She grabbed a washcloth and the bar of soap and started cleaning my body. Her movements were delicate and smooth, and she was very careful and cautious. I bent my head down, for her to wash my hair. Neither one of us spoke a word, our eyes said all that needed to be said. Love poured from Bella as she was gently taking care of me, tending to my needs. It felt nice to have her touching me. When she was finished, she dropped the washcloth and encircled me with her arms. She rested her head on my chest, and squeezed me with all her might. Strength and energy ran through my body, recharging every weak nerve. I felt alive and whole and happy.

"Jake, I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too, baby, I love you too."

As the water rained down on us, I made love to Bella. Every movement, every motion of our bodies was in perfect alignment. I wouldn't trade the feeling for anything else in the world. Just like the first time, my body soared being inside of her. She felt so perfect and natural. Her warmth and her goodness made everything right with the world. I loved her with all my heart and soul. It was a great feeling to be alive, to have at least one more chance to be with Bella.

**_If I could be any part of you, I'd be your tears. To be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips. – Anonymous_**

**_A/N: So he's alive!!!!! Yay!!!!! Now review, please._**


	36. Chapter 36: Beyond My Control

**Chapter 36 **

**_So dear I love him that with him,  
All deaths I could endure.  
Without him, live no life._**

**_William Shakespeare_**

**_From Romeo and Juliet_**

**Bella's POV**

For the first time in months I dreamed of Edward Cullen. The dream was so real, so vivid. We were lying in the meadow, a gentle breeze floating through the air. Edward's pale marble skin was illuminated by the bright sunshine. He was incredibly and flawlessly gorgeous. Facets of rainbow light poured from his faultless complexion like diamonds onto my skin as I lay beside him. Perfection and excellence defined every line of his face and every contour of his body. I could smell his exquisite flavor as it danced through each breath I took in. I lay very still, fearful of waking up, not wanting to lose the moment. Lying in his presence was pure, unabated pleasure. His touch was so real. He created a current, surging through my body with tormenting grandeur. I could feel the familiar frigid texture of his hand, as he rubbed his fingers along my face. His topaz eyes were full of passion and wonder. Although I wanted to, I never spoke to him. There was nothing I could say. In my soul I knew he wasn't real, only a figment of my imagination. Maybe he had never been real to me at all. It seemed unfathomable that a creature so perfect would have been a part of my life. But the shattered remains of my heart, and the hurt in my chest told me otherwise. Despite my best efforts, I could never forget Edward Cullen.

"Bella, you need to be happy. I want you to be happy," he said in a pleasant melodic voice. "I've always wanted you to be happy." He smiled at me with perfect, full, tender lips. His eyes taunted me with their luster, and I inched myself closer to him. My breath tripped in my throat and I had to clear the air passage quickly. Just as I was about to touch him, I awoke with muffled sobs rasping in my chest.

I half expected him to be standing over me. His presence was so powerful. But when my eyes fully opened, I was surrounded by the familiar walls of my room at Charlie's house. I was-for a split second-disappointed. I supposed the dream had something to do with Edward saving Jacob's life. Jacob had been hesitant to tell me at first. But he said he wasn't able to keep it from me, that I needed to know. I respected his honesty, but I wish I hadn't known that Edward had come back. I would forever be indebted to him for saving Jake and for saving me. Somehow though, I felt differently when I thought Edward was gone forever.I was torn now that I knew he would always be somewhere, lying in wait. It was unsettling to think that he was still hiding in the shadows, keeping me just a breath away from breaking-again.

Jacob told me every detail of that night. At least what he could remember and what had been relayed to him by the pack. I learned of Irina and her army, of her love for Laurent and Bruce. He told me about falling and being rescued by Edward. He told me Edward was sorry that he had hurt me and he hoped that by saving Jacob he had reconciled for the pain he inflicted on me. I wanted to believe it was a fair trade, but I was somewhat bothered that Edward couldn't face me. Perhaps it was for the best.

I spent the night in my bed at Charlie's house for the first time in weeks. It seemed so different. The place I once called home was, somehow, smaller and more miniscule. It was so far detached from the outside world that I inhabited. It had once been a safe haven for me, but now it was unrecognizable. New experiences and new emotions had matured me into a different person since the last time I slept in my own bed.

My mind whirred, pulling all of my energy from me. I was happy that Jacob was alive and that he was mine. I loved him. Edward could come and go, pull at me like a string, but I loved Jacob. Jacob was my life and my hope. He was my forever.

As happy as I was to be with Jacob, I was conflicted by the emotions of our physical love. I had been erratic and reckless, acting on unsure impulses. Making love to Jacob had been thrilling and exciting. We allowed our bodies to feel what was in our hearts and our souls, but physical pleasure aside, I still wasn't sure it was for the right reasons. I had made love to Jacob twice: once out of fear and once out of relief. Both of those, I thought, were wrong reasons. Physical love should be based on just that-love. I loved Jacob undoubtedly, it went without question. But love wasn't the sole deciding factor in any of this. Could love exist without the other emotions? Was love a sole entity or could it thrive on fear? Uncertainty? Relief?

Was all of it a mistake, or was I just worried about the newness of the experience? Either way, there was no going back. The path had been chosen. I would question it because it was my nature to be indecisive and agnostic.

Jacob was my rock, like a port in a storm. He was a solid comfort for me. The thought of one day without him was unbearable. I could thank Edward for bringing him back to me. Maybe it was fair a trade, after all. In order to be whole again, you have to be broken. Edward left me broken, but Jacob made me whole.

I draggedmyself out of bed and into the shower. When I went downstairs, I saw that Charlie had brought in breakfast.

"I thought you were going to sleep all day," he said, amusing himself.

I looked at the clock, it was 10:30. I grabbed a sausage biscuit from the paper bag on the counter and told Charlie, "thanks."

"Jake's coming over today," I garbled in between bites. "Hope that's okay."

"Perfect. I guess you kissed and made up," Charlie scorned rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, something kind of like that," I replied. Charlie would die if he knew exactly how we made up: by Jake spending the night with me in my apartment and taking my virginity. I was glad Jake was bulletproof.

Jacob pulled up in his new beast of a vehicle. Charlie eyed it suspiciously before asking me, "Did he join the La Push Mafia?"

Oh, Charlie and his jokes. I just smirked at him. _No, Dad. He inherited some money for becoming a werewolf to keep La Push safe from vampires_. The _mafia_ seemed a likelier story.

I was so excited to see Jacob, and to touch him. It was comforting to feel his warm skin and know that he was still here with me, that he was still alive. I hugged him with all my might. Charlie looked on in disgust, but I paid no attention to him.

"Wow. I guess you missed me," Jacob said, lightly stroking my hair behind my ear.

"Sort of," I squeezed him harder.

"Charlie, do you mind if I take Bella away for a little while today?" he asked cautiously.

"I guess I can trust you." Charlie's eyes pierced through Jake, but he seemed unusually trusting. "I have to go in and work a little while. Just try to behave yourself."

_It's a little too late for that,_ I thought to myself as I nodded and grinned at Charlie.

I had no idea what Jake was planning. He still looked rather exhausted and I was content simply to lie in bed with him all day, basking in the fact that he was alive.

"Bella, I want to take you somewhere, is that okay?" he requested.

"Fine," I agreed permissively and followed him down the sidewalk.

"Jake, don't you think this is a little ostentatious?" I asked, pointing toward the Hummer.

"The pinnacle of ostentatious," he agreed heartily, shooting me a hundred-watt smile.

We drove into La Push and Jake pulled off onto one of the many hiking trails. "We can walk from here; it's not far," he said as he shut the truck off.

I humbly agreed and followed Jake on the mountain trail. I had gotten used to the trails throughout La Push and almost found hiking enjoyable. At least, when I could keep myself balanced enough to stay erect.

"This trail actually goes to Second Beach. But we're not going that far," Jake informed me.

We walked a few more yards and Jake left the trail to hike through the forest.

I held tight to Jake. Balance was an essential skill of hiking off trail, an essential skill that I lacked. We made our way through the thick forest, and it seemed like we were walking in circles. The trees were almost impenetrable, breaking only for small, sporadic glimmers of light. I eventually gave in to the inevitable and lost my footing. Jake turned around quick enough to catch me before I made contact with the forest beneath me.

"Uh, thank you," I said appreciatively.

"Just a little bit more," he assured me with a bright smile. I held tight onto Jake's arm. My body tingled from the heat of his touch. I tried my best to match his stride, and every time I stumbled, Jacob grabbed me tighter, offering me a calm reassurance.

We forged on, and my eyes took in the beauty and majesty of the vast landscape before me.

"Amazing," I said awe-inspired.

The open field was carved into the middle of the mountain, bulging rocks forming all around. A small brook ran through the center, creating a melody of murmured relaxation. Beautiful purple flowers and wild strawberries were strewn about like pixie dust across the lush green ground. The scent of honeysuckle lingered in the air and I breathed in the enticing aroma. This place was enchanting and wonderful. It was the type of place that could make you want to run and dance and sing. Seeing its beauty stirred within me the same feelings that Jacob did. _Happy_!

"Bella, the only thing more beautiful than this place is you." He took my hand and led me to a grassy spot by the cascading brook.

He sat down on an over-sized rock and gently pulled me down next to him. He cupped my chin so my eyes would meet his and looked at me intently. It seemed as if he had practiced the lines for months and this was opening night. His nervousness flowed onto me, and I couldn't help but feel a little anxious. He moved his hands from my face and braced himself.

"Bella, meeting you was just pure luck. Being your friend was an incredibly wise choice. But falling in love with you...falling in love with you was beyond my control. I want to spend each day of the rest of my life with you. Forever. Without you I'm powerless, I'm meaningless, I'm purposeless. I need you. It's as simple as it sounds; I need you in my life. I want to spend forever with you."

He held out a beautiful square diamond ring. "Will you marry me?" he paused, and I fought to breathe.

"There's no rush, I know now is not the right time. But, Bells I don't want another second to pass without your promise." My words failed me; he searched my eyes and my face for an answer. I wanted to speak, but I didn't possess the ability. I didn't know what language I even spoke. Marriage. He was asking me to marry him. This wasn't the first time we talked about our future or even marriage for that fact, so I shouldn't have been in shock by his simple question.

But it was no longer a subject of discussion. He had the ring and he asked the question. It was now a subject of reality.

Marriage?

I looked him over. His eyes revealed his devotion. His love was pure and honest. His words, every syllable, were completely earnest and fervent. I had no reason to disbelieve him. Gravity pulled me to him. My heart beat because of him. The sun only shone because of him. Jacob was the entirety of my life, the sum of all things good and virtuous. I loved him beyond love.

Tears started to fall from my eyes, and I accepted the beautiful diamond ring.

"Yes. Jacob, yes, I will marry you."


	37. Chapter 37: Perception

**Disclaimer: Do you love Twilight? I do too... but I do not own it.**

**Chapter 37**

The rain was beating down on the windows of the Jeep Cherokee. The raindrops fell, one by one, from the sky above onto the glass pane. Their still, quiet thump echoed in the hum of my thoughts. I watched the windshield wipers as they traveled left to right, right to left. I peered at them as if I expected them to break the cycle, knowing that it was impossible. Somehow I held out hope for the impossible. For me, impossible was an oxymoron.

"You know, you spend a lot of time staring at random objects," Jake's voice interrupted my intense thoughts. I guess he made a valid point. When my mind was clogged with too many thoughts I focused on inanimate objects. Just knowing that the world was filled with simplistic randomness somehow eased the enormity of my problems.

"Perceptive," I mumbled.

"Well it's kind of obvious," he said mocking my intense gaze.

I made a fist to hit Jake on the shoulder with, but thought better of it. I'd probably just break my hand. His entire body was rock hard. Dynamite probably wouldn't destruct him. As I released my fist, I was distracted by the glittering rock on my third finger. I had learned that the ring actually belonged to Jacob's mother, and Billy had saved every penny he earned for almost a year to buy it. Jacob's sisters and Billy both agreed to allow Jake to give it to me. Although I was surprised and humbled by their acceptance, I was not deserving of it, or Jacob.

I had promised to marry Jacob. I was crazy, certifiably crazy. Renee had routinely distinguished to me the hazards of marriage, especially marriage at an early age. But, if I wanted to keep Jake in my life, I had to marry him. At least by the time he was twenty-one-It was a werewolf stipulation, and I wasn't in any position to debate. If I wanted Jacob, and I was sure I did, I had to accept the time line. It was a small compromise to make in order to spend my life with Jacob, and yet here I sat with concern and fear.

I stared out the passenger window for what seemed like miles. I watched the beads of rain as they slowly floated into oblivion. I seemed to suffer from internal conflict much like I suffered from lack of coordination.

In just a short while my life would be void of Jacob's sunny presence. Our time together was sacred and I was busy trying to numb my mind, trying not to think about marriage.

"Bells, do you need a stretch break?" he asked mid-yawn.

"I suppose," I answered dryly.

"Next exit, then?"

I nodded, still watching the windshield wipers.

As promised, Jake pulled off the next exit into a gas station. I got out to stretch and made a bee line for the bathroom. On my way back out, Jacob was standing in line to pay the cashier. The sight before me brought a smile to my face. Jacob had gotten very good at attracting female attention. He was, of course, unaware of it. Every girl in the place was gawking at him like a prized piece of meat. I giggled to myself. The girl beside him, about my age and blond, was fighting to get his attention, and he was none the wiser. She finally got courageous enough to bump into him.

"Oh, excuse me," I heard her say delicately, working her lips into a pout. She casually started sipping through the straw of her Big Gulp, and her eyes bore into Jacob. She looked him over once and then again. I moved closer.

"S'okay," he retorted. Not deterred by his obvious disinterest she tried to start a conversation.

"Are you traveling?" she asked. Jacob only nodded without making eye contact, then he moved forward to pay the cashier. The cashier flashed him a big grin and took his money. When he turned to walk out of the store, the persistent blond had inched closer and he bumped into her, spilling her drink in the process. He absorbed most of the liquid and his shirt was sticking to him, making him look that much more appetizing. I was in the aisle behind them laughing hysterically.

Jacob shot me a dark look, only adding to my entertainment. Blondie was mortified. Her face was a bright pink. I knew her dilemma; I had been there many times. Embarrassment was as much a part of my everyday life as breathing or eating. She kept apologizing, rubbing her hand over his wet shirt. Jacob was gracious and kind, never less than a gentleman. I continued with my quiet charade of laughter as I walked out to the truck.

Before Jacob got in he took his shirt off and tossed it the backseat. From the front window I could see blondie's eyes widen as she watched him get into the car, shirtless. I erupted into laughter once again.

"What is wrong with you?" he asked scornfully.

"Nothing. Just, well...nothing," I said still in hysterics.

When Jacob had settled into the driver's seat, I leaned over and gave him a small kiss on the lips.

"I'm very lucky to have you. By the way you were just ogled, I'd say I'm extremely lucky to have snagged you up."

"What are you talking about?" he asked annoyed.

"You're impression on that poor girl. You don't know what kind of effect you have on women."

"Are you jealous?" he asked as we pulled onto the interstate.

"Healthily," I said.

"What does that mean, exactly?"

I leaned over my seat and planted my lips on Jacob's chest. I kissed every visible inch of skin. I grated my teeth along the waist of his jeans, nipping and biting at the skin beneath them. Jacob growled from deep in his chest, only intensifying my urges. "I find you very desirable when I'm jealous."

"Don't make me pull over, Bells."

I quit groping Jacob. I thought it best to avoid any possible accidents. He seemed relieved and rejected all in one motion. I nuzzled my head into his broad shoulder and let the still quiet take over my mind.

My cheery mood dissipated, and soon enough I was back to staring and billowing in my desolate thoughts. I moved my head to rest on my seat. _Right to left, left to right_

"Bella, are you thinking about us?" Jacob asked, his voice dripping with concern.

"Why do you ask?" I asked shocked. I wasn't fooling him.

"Well you keep twisting your face and biting your lip. You do that when you're worried about something," he informed me.

"Oh. I'm sorry," I apologized.

"No need for an apology, but if something is bothering you, you can tell me."

"I know," I replied.

"Well, spill it already," he scowled impatiently.

"I'm fine. Really," I lied.

I couldn't tell Jacob that I was having second thoughts about marrying him, or second thoughts about marriage in general. I had to figure this out. I didn't want to worry him with all of my incendiary nonsense. I twirled the ring around my finger; I had memorized every line and flaw in the metal. Since Jacob gave it to me, all I could do was stare at it. Although it was only a half-carat, it felt like it weighed a ton on my pale, bony finger.

I was still complacent when we arrived back at my apartment. I couldn't get the key to fit right, I kept struggling with it. I was trying to analyze every aspect of my life. I wanted to be the happy fiancé that Jake needed me to be. But everything seemed so permanent. Where was the spontaneity, the rebellion, the free-falling lack of control? I was nineteen, and I craved all of it. And yet I was absolutely, consummately promised to Jacob. The reality of it all slowly settled into my mind, spiraling me into bouts of anxiety. I let out a heavy sigh before collapsing onto the sofa. I hated having the fight or flight mentality; why couldn't I embrace happiness? I was fortunate to have Jacob, more importantly, a forever commitment to him. So why was I vacillating between extreme happiness and extreme tension? What was I holding onto? Edward, perhaps, but I didn't think so. I was still trying to get the key in the door.

"Here, let me," Jacob insisted. I huffed and moved out of his way.

In a second he had the key in the lock and the door open. My jaw dropped at his svelte movements. And before I could pick it back up, I was being carried through the doorway surrounded by the robust, sinewy muscles of Jacob's arms.

"Jacob Black, what are you doing?" I screamed.

"I'm putting you in a better mood. You've hardly spoken to me since we left La Push. So now, you must pay." He kicked the door behind him closed.

"What exactly do you plan on doing?"

He gently put my feet on the floor and helped me stand straight. I still nearly fell over when he let go of me.

"Wrestling," he smirked.

"Uh, NO! I don't really think so."

"Are you ready to catch the bus? 'Cuz your about to go to school!" He crouched and started circling me with an impish grin on his face.

"No," I said between giggles. On a whim, I charged Jacob, hitting him in the stomach. I bounced back like a ball and ended up in the floor.

"Must you be so hard?" I asked dejectedly.

"Sorry, but I'm pretty sure you like it most of the time." He started flexing his muscles and rubbing his chest. He looked like an ostrich on the verge of mating. I waited for his neck to turn red. He squatted down to meet me at eye level.

"You really are a narcissist," I said sheepishly. I crawled over to him and playfully pushed him back, falling on top of him. Jacob nuzzled my neck and softly kissed me. I really wanted this feeling forever, so why couldn't I acknowledge marrying him? It was just a ceremonial affirmation of what I knew I wanted; what I knew I needed. Why was I being so irrational about it?

"Bella," he whispered, "I have to get going if I'm going to get home at a decent hour."

Jake and I both had school the next day, but I didn't want him to leave. I held out the goodbye as long as I could.

After he left, Jake called every thirty minutes. He missed me as much as I missed him. Jake really did make me happy, but marrying him would be epic. Was I ready for that?

I did a quick clean-up of my already tidy apartment and sat down at the desk to check my email. I smiled at the pictures of me with Jacob. The controversy within me was only tearing me further and further apart. My focus was clouded by my lack of perspective. I responded to an email Renee sent me, keeping it very short. I was glad I didn't have to tell her about my engagement. Jacob wanted to keep it hushed for a little while. Since he was only seventeen, he feared that by announcing our engagement, he might alarm folks on the reservation. He was trying to protect his secret and he certainly didn't need any extra attention being focused on his life. I was relieved, since I still had not accepted the engagement for myself. I was certain I wouldn't be able to sell it as absolute in my current frame of mind. I was staring at the weighty rock on my finger when the phone in my pocket started vibrating. It was Jake.

The next morning, I woke up later than I needed to. I had fifteen minutes to make it to campus for my first class. I hated being rushed for anything. I took one look in the mirror, just to make sure I was actually dressed. Not my best look, but I wasclothed. I looked down again to the diamond on my finger and without really thinking, I pulled the ring off and put in the drawer beside the money Alice gave me. I took in a deep breath. It would be safe there until I could convince myself that I was making the right decision.

I opened the drawer back up, thinking I should be wearing the ring. Jacob gave it to me, I should wear it. It symbolizes my commitment to him, my promise. I looked at it again, shining and gleaming in the morning sun, then I slammed the drawer again. The ring was heavy and I really needed more time. I agreed too hastily. The moment was too beautiful, too perfect. I got lost in it, swept away by Jacob and his charm. He shouldn't take advantage of me; I was defenseless against his charisma. How could I have possibly said no? Why would I even want to say no? Jacob was perfect. But, I wasn't perfect. Damn this indecision! I was entirely confused.

I had some major thinking to do, but I couldn't think now. I was late for class.

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End Notes:

Well wouldn't you know Bella would become indecisive and crazy...Review anyway...it will get better.


	38. Chapter 38:Inevitable Pain

**Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine, however coffee addiction...that's all me :)**

Thank you all for the great reviews :) I love your encouragement, you all are the best group of fanfic readers ever!

**Chapter 38**

Playlist: _Ashes and Wine_ by A Fine Frenzy

Angela Weber was probably, for all intents and purposes, my best friend. Since moving to Vancouver I had come to rely on her. She made the college transition fairly tolerable. The last three months would have been unbearable had it not been for her company. Angela was always open minded and a good listener, if needed. She was content to sit in silence with me as I waded through my troubles. She knew of my engagement to Jacob and she knew of my ring avoidance issues. Not one time did she tell me how childish, or selfish, or ridiculous I was behaving. I had hidden my reservations from Jacob for weeks now, with absolutely no resolve to the internal conflict I struggled with.

Angela looked at situations and did not judge, even if judgment was merited. When it came to my disastrous life, inquisition in some form was almost always merited. It was only natural. She helped me cope when my life was devoid of Jacob. Now it was my turn to help her. Now she was in need of a friend.

Her relationship with Ben Cheney had been stony for awhile. The distance and new-found freedom of college was a bit overwhelming for both of them. We had been at school for about three months. With Thanksgiving break just around the corner, I felt completely sorry for her. Over the last weekend break, Ben decided to part ways with her, and she sat in my apartment on Thursday evening devastated.

"I gave everything I could to him and he just pissed it away," she said between sobs. "Why are men so stupid?"

Angela was kind hearted and she never deserved to be hurt. She was the female equivalent of Jacob- kind, thoughtful, and sunny. I guess that made me the female equivalent of Ben-confused, indecisive, and stupid.

_How nice, I get to be the jerk. _My thought was only encouraged by the absent ring on my finger.

"I'm sorry," I repeated. I had no idea what to say. I wasn't exactly an expert at relationships.

"Bella, do you think it will ever not hurt? I mean, like with Edward, does it still hurt?"

"Sometimes, if I really think about it, I guess it hurts. But eventually you will move on." I was trying to offer her solace and encouragement, but without Jacob I would probably still be a stupefied zombie wallowing in self pity. I was of no help to her situation.

"Bella, let's go out tomorrow night, have some fun. It will help me to get my mind off of it. We're young. We've got nothing to hold us back. Right?"

_Well I have a diamond ring in a drawer in my bedroom that might say otherwise. _"Okay," I responded. I wanted to be a good friend and return the favor. I couldn't imagine what kind of fun Angela and I might have. We were both socially inept; clubbing and the local scene really wasn't our forte. Perhaps we should go to a poetry reading or something. At least we would fit in there.

As for the ring, I still couldn't bring myself to wear it. My visits home were the only time I ever put the ring on. I was fooling Jacob, but I wasn't fooling myself. It was really all ridiculous. I knew that I would spend forever with Jake; I wanted to. Why couldn't I just wear the damn ring? What reproach did I see in a harmless diamond?

When Friday night came, Angela arrived at my apartment promptly at 8:00 pm-overnight bag in tow. I had just finished up with a research paper when she knocked on the door. We ended up going to the campus hot spot, Cave, which was a first for both of us.

Angela and I were not the sorority girl type. We didn't drink or party, we didn't flirt, and we hated unnecessary attention. We studied, and in our free time we were consumed with our boyfriends.

Angela had excused herself, and I was left sitting at our corner table. I focused on the top of the table, following the infinite grain of wood. I couldn't get over how horrible this place smelled. I'd rather be surrounded by a pack of wolves than be at this club, any day. I missed Jacob. I should be on my way home tonight, but he was with the pack this weekend, so seeing him was out. I circled my finger where the ring should be, my guilt eating me alive.

"Bella," I heard a familiar call from behind me. I stood up and turned abruptly to see a face from the past.

"Mike," I responded, as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Hey, I was wondering when I would finally run into you," he said, smiling excitedly.

"Are you at WSU? I thought you were going to Oregon."

"Yeah, I changed plans at the last minute."

"Oh, why?" I asked without any tact.

"Her name is Amie. I met her over summer break. She's changed my life, Bella. She could possibly be 'the one.' She attends school here. I would introduce you, but she's back home for the weekend."

"How do you know that? I mean you're still so young. How do you know she's 'the one'?" I was hoping that Mike's answer would be good enough for me to apply to my own situation.

"I just know," he beamed. _No solace in those three words_, I thought.

Mike looked the same, yet different. He seemed more masculine. His face was dramatic, each and every line defined with maturity. I glanced down to notice that he was bigger, more muscular and toned. I giggled to myself just wondering what transmutation he had undergone-maybe he was superman. I knew all too well that it wasn't impossible.

He was in love and he was happy. Amie had really made a difference for Mike Newton.

I sat and talked with Mike until Angela got back. She was just as shocked to see him as I had been. Any hard feelings between us were gone, and it was nice just to be with friends.

"So, girls, do you want to dance?"

"No, I don't really dance," Angela and I both said in unison, which caused Mike to burst out into laughter.

"Some things never change," he chuckled. "Karaoke will be starting in about twenty minutes. Come on, everyone can karaoke." Angela and I both looked at him skeptically and glanced back down to the top of the table.

"Did you come here to admire the top of that table, or did you come here for fun?"

We relented and by the end of the night we suffered through a very horrible rendition of "Proud Mary" and "Don't Stop Believing." It was a welcome escape from the harsh realities that plagued my mind.

We left Cave around two in the morning and went back to my apartment. We spent the night like old friends: talking, reminiscing, spilling secrets. I mostly listened since I was the newest friend of the group, and for the biggest majority of my time at Forks High, I was consumed with Edward Cullen.

I woke up Saturday morning to sunshine outside my window.

"Bella, I'm leaving. I've got to be at the library for my civics study group," Angela said as she entered my bedroom.

"What time is it?" I asked sleepily.

"Nine," she responded. "See you later. Dinner tonight, right?"

"Yeah, I'll call you later," I yawned. Where did she get all of that energy?

I pulled the cover back over my head. I had only been asleep for about three hours. Thanks to Alice, I no longer needed a Saturday job and I could spend the day in bed.

No sooner than I had closed my eyes, I heard another knock at the door. Angela. She must have forgotten something. I really should give her a key.

I fell out of bed trying to untangle my feet from the comforter. I finally made it to the door, with a bruised shin no less and I was out of breath.

"Good morning beautiful."

I moved the knotted hair from my face revealing a very handsome Jacob with a bouquet of flowers.

"Jake!" I went to hug him. He leaned into me and pulled away abruptly. "Bella, you smell like a biker."

"Sorry, I was at a bar last night."

"I assumed that," Jake said, pointing to the covered blob on my couch.

I laughed and began to explain to Jacob everything that happened in the last week. I told him about Angela and Ben, and about Mike.

"Nice to know that I'm missed."

"You are missed. You are more than missed. You are file-a-complaint-with-Charlie missed." I was being light humored, but Jake's eyes told me that he was a little upset about my outing. It was out of character for Jacob to be controlling. Normally, Jake was the epitome of free-falling-fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants. Edward had been the controlling boyfriend.

"Really," his eyes grew wide. "Then, do you want to explain this to me," he snapped at me, dropping the bouquet of flowers and jerking up my left hand.

It was a disaster. I could lie and tell him I took it off before I went to sleep, or that it was too big and I didn't want to lose it. Both of those seemed believable enough.

Truth…honesty...that was Jacob, he deserved the truth. I didn't want to hurt him, but I couldn't lie to him.

I jerked away from him. I was not ready to discuss this. I was sleep deprived and I wouldn't make any sense even if I knew what my problem was. I still had not figured it out.

I shut the door and joined Jacob in the hall. I certainly didn't want to disturb Mike with our arguing.

"It's nothing Jacob. I just took the ring off. You said we needed to be inconspicuous."

My reply, although misleading, was honest, and I hoped that I had averted a potential argument. Judging by Jacob's glare, I was wrong.

"I don't understand you. I hear the words, but they're not making sense. I come here to surprise you, and I find you with another guy in your apartment, that you've been with all night in a bar. I really don't know what to make of it."

"You're being unfair. It's not like that and you know it."

"Suppose I believe you. What about the ring?"

"Fine. I took the ring off. I don't wear it unless I'm with you. I don't know why, I wish I did. I've been trying to figure it all out since you gave it to me. I guess I'm scared. I'm sorry," I said in a hushed voice, trying not to disturb the neighbors.

"You don't want to marry me, Bella?" he asked in a foreboding tone.

"Jake it's complicated and I'm trying to sort through it all."

"Sort through what? It's yes or no, black or white, in or out. I know with every fiber of my being that that I want to be with you forever. How much longer are we going to play this game of cat and mouse? Just when I have you pulled in, you slip away. What do I need to do to prove myself?"

He was right, I should know, and I shouldn't have doubts. But things were different for me. My life was not simply black and white, yes or no. I was constantly plagued with gray maybes. It wasn't Edward that I was hanging on to. It wasn't that I didn't want to be with Jacob. I loved Jacob, of course I wanted to be with him. All of the doubts I had were a result of Renee and Charlie: I feared the worst because I knew that love doesn't always last. My parents were the example that had been set for me from the beginning.

Once again, I had hurt Jacob with all of my agnostic questioning. I hated myself for causing him pain.

"Jake, I'm really sorry," I pleaded.

"Bella, I'm just wasting my time with you. I thought that once you were past the bloodsucker, I'd have you all to myself. But that was the easy part. I concede; you win. I can't force you to love me. And honestly I'm tired of this charade. You can camouflage it all you want. Blame it on your past, blame it on the distance, blame it on the weather. But at the heart of the problem, your love for me is just not that strong, and you can't commit to me."

I leaned up against the wall outside my door. My madness had sent Jacob running from me. It was only a ring-a diamond and some metal. I would wear it to make Jake happy. I would eat the damn thing if he would just stay with me. He was wrong, my love for him was very strong. I would move mountains and cross the ocean for Jacob Black. I just couldn't marry him.

"I can't win with you Bella. I play the game, but I can't win," his words were tortured. "Being with you is like ten minutes in euphoria, only to spend a year in hell. You let me in just to shut me out."

I couldn't breathe, my lungs were impaired. He had cut me to the core, but everything he said was true. My eyes burned from fighting back tears. This must be what it feels like to die and see the quantity of your life and realize that you could have done so much more. That your full potential was never reached and you can't go back. That is exactly how I felt, like I was dying.

"Did you only agree to marry me because I almost died?"

"No," I whispered. The tears were falling, and I hated myself for being weak and crying in front of him. I slid down the wall and rested myself on the floor, my head in my hands. I was losing the battle.

"Bella, I love you, but this is all debilitating and exhausting. I can handle fire, I can handle ice. But I can't handle the incessant careening between the two. I'm begging you to figure it all out. Are you hot or cold? Are you in or out? Are you black or white?"

I looked up and wiped the brewing tears from my eyes, so I could see him clearly. He stood there with his own tears falling down his beautiful face. His stare burned into me, setting my soul on fire. I had never seen him look so vulnerable.

"Bella with you, pain is inevitable. But I've realized that suffering is optional. I really need you to figure it out."

_Stop him…beg him, _I thought. But instead, I sat there and watched him leave. I listened to every footstep he made until they faded from my existence. I didn't fight for Jacob before, and I didn't have the ability to fight now. He was right: I was always keeping him on a string and now I had to cut him loose. I had to get a grip on my dysfunctional love for Jacob Black. I was so tired of hurting him. It was an endless process. As he said, with me,_ "pain is inevitable."_

**_Is there a chance?  
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?  
A reason to fight?  
Is there a chance you may change your mind?  
Or are we ashes and wine?_**

**___________________________________________________________________________**

End Notes: I know more angst...it's like Eclipse all over again with all the back and forth.

Please go review, or Bella and Mike will so hook up. LOL No really, tell me what you think. I'd love to know what your favorite part of this chapter is.

* * *


	39. Chapter 39: Flawed Bricks

**Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine. End of story! **

**Chapter 39 **

It was incredulous, all of the fighting and the tears. The constant battlefield that I was on took the life out of me. I loved Jake, I needed to accept it; I was being stupid and unfair. I ran back in, stepping over the bouquet, and grabbed my cell phone. I dialed Jake but he didn't answer. Why would he? His voice mail was not set up so I couldn't leave him a message. Why did he even need a phone? I called again, no answer. So I sent him a text message.

**Jake, call me**_._

I wasn't about to discuss something as important as our future through a text conversation. I had some pride. I held onto the phone, constantly looking at it, hoping it would ring. I paced around my apartment, still clutching the phone, still praying for a miracle. I dialed again, no answer.

"Maybe I don't have as much pride as I think," I mumbled to myself.

"Bella, are you okay?" Mike asked. All of my muttering and pacing most have woken him.

"Jake and I just had a fight. You slept through it," I said, feeling defeated that Jake had not called me.

"I'm sorry. When did he get here?"

"A little while ago. He's gone and I don't know what to do." I rocked back and forth on my heels, my eyes glued to the black screen on my phone.

"He'll come back." Mike gave me a friendly hug, but I was not reassured. "Will you be alright if I leave? I've got to go to work. You know, keep the place safe." I learned last night that Mike was working with campus security and he worked on Saturdays.

"Yeah," I replied. I really did want to be alone. Mike's presence hadn't made the situation any better.

"Thanks for letting me crash here," he said.

"You're welcome. I want to meet Amie when she gets back. Don't forget," I reminded him.

I heard the door close behind Mike as I looked back at my phone. Jacob wasn't going to call me back, so I decided to take a shower. After I finished, I combed through my wet hair and got dressed. I checked my phone; still no calls. I hated to be pushy, but I sent Jacob another text message.

**Jake please, call me.**

After pacing for another twenty minutes and still no phone call, I felt like the walls were closing in on me. I needed a change of scenery. I needed to feel the sunshine on my skin, to feel fresh air. I made my way downstairs and from the front windows, I saw a black Hummer in the parking lot. It was Jacob, he was still close by.

I walked to the parking lot and went over and pecked on the window of Jake's truck. My whole body was shaking nervously and my palms were sweaty. My heart was a big lump in my chest and was on the verge of collapse and explosion simultaneously.

"You didn't get very far," I said almost breathless, once he rolled the window down.

"Get in," he barked, and I obeyed. His eyes were red and his face looked worn. I walked around and found my spot in the passenger seat.

Jake started the vehicle and checked the mirrors. He slid the gearshift into reverse and started backing out, never saying a word.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"I don't know," he responded forcefully. I had never saw Jacob this angry, this hurt.

I sat in silence while Jacob drove, up one street, down another. Was he ever going to speak? For once I wished it was raining; at least I could listen to the sound of the drops as they hit the window. The silence was ear splitting. "Bella, I didn't mean all those things I said. I wish I could take them back, take it all back. I'm not giving up on you. If you don't want to wear the ring, its fine, you don't have to. If you want a new ring, I'll get you a new one. You can pick it out, anything you like. But Bella, please, don't tell me that you don't want me. I don't think I could live one minute not knowing that you're mine," he pleaded, his voice soft and mellow. I had expected yelling, I deserved yelling, instead he was begging me for forgiveness. I really didn't deserve him.

"Jake the ring is perfect. It has nothing to do with the ring. I'm just stupid, I guess."

"Then what is wrong with you? Do you or do you not want to marry me? Why do you keep trying to throw us away?"

"Charlie and Renee…they just…well, it didn't work out for them," I mumbled. Every word came out stuttered and pained. "They were young and it just didn't work."

"Bells, we're not Charlie and Renee." He pulled the truck off the road and pulled into a secluded spot behind an abandoned strip mall.

"Jake, I don't want you to realize someday how perfectly inappropriate I am for you. I don't want you to discover you deserve better and just one day leave me. I couldn't live through it." I was shocked as I spoke the revelation.

"You need to let go of the past. I'm not like him, I'm never going to leave you. Bella, I can love you, but you have to let me." His grip on the steering wheel tightened and his knuckles turnedwhite. His voice, however, never changed. He still spoke fluidly.

Was I holding onto the past? Was I punishing Jake because of what Edward did? I was over Edward. I no longer held onto the hope that he would come back. I had stopped pining for him months ago. He had come back and chose not to see me. Edward Cullen, for once, wasn't the reason of my indecision. But I couldn't deny that I was irreparably damaged by Edward. My whole life would forever revolve around the hurt he put me through.

"Bella, please, forgive me. I'm sorry that I'm constantly screwing this up. I wish I knew what you wanted." His fingers found my hand and traced invisible lines on my skin. "Please say that you forgive me."

"Stop it, just stop it!" I jerked away from him. "Quit being patient with me, quit forgiving me! I don't deserve it. I don't deserve your kindness. None of this is your fault Jacob. None of it. I'm messed up. What you said to me was the truth: I'm fire and ice. I have it all figured out, I know what I want, and then I get scared and pull away."

"Bella, it's okay. You can be scared, I don't expect you to go into this and not be terrified. Part of me is terrified too."

"Stop. Please, just stop. You are like one of those freaking romantic movies were love is simple and everyone lives happily ever after and everything is PG. I hate to be the one to tell you this Jake, but real life is not PG. Real life is full of confusion and indecision, and hurt and pain," I yelled, even though I wasn't angry at Jake, I was angry at myself.

"I don't think real life is PG. Look at me, I'm proof of the horror that accompanies reality. You don't give me enough credit."

I stared out the window, following the cracks in the bricks of the building before us. Almost all of the bricks were cracked in some way or another. All of them were flawed. But the building was still standing strong, despite the imperfections of the bricks. They were a definite eyesore but they were fulfilling their intended purpose. Could my love for Jacob survive all of my imperfections? Could I still stand strong? Did I want to be in or out? Did I need to even ask myself such a question?

I took in a deep breath and spoke, "Jacob." My hands were shaking and my lungs burned. I waited for him to look at me. "Jake, I'm _in_. I've always been _in_. Sometimes, though I just crack because I'm flawed. But I'm _in_. I can't promise that I will never freak or that I will always be PG, but I'm _in_."

He stared at me intently. His concentration was evident in his furrowed brow. "So we are getting married," he inquired. "Eventually," he added. I nodded in agreement.

"Bella, I know things are going fast. I'm sorry if you weren't ready. I pushed you, and I was wrong to do so." He brought his lips close to me and met my mouth softly. I responded by urging his lips into mine. We broke away breathless.

Once again, Jacob Black had forgiven me. Once again, I had dodged disaster. I felt more undeserving of Jacob than ever.

"If it's okay with you I'd like to continue with my surprise-sans flowers, of course."

"There was more?"

"Yes, I got these. I was hoping we could use them over your next break, unless you and Charlie made plans," he said as he handed me an envelope.

Jacob was, of course, talking about Thanksgiving. The tribe didn't celebrate the holiday and neither did Charlie. So whatever the surprise,it should be manageable.

I opened up the envelope and there were two plane tickets and a brochure for Oceanside Condo Rentals in Jacksonville. I looked up, mouth agape, waiting on an explanation.

"You could visit Renee. We could have a vacation, of sorts," he explained.

"What about the tribal council? How can you go that far way?"

"Bella, things have relaxed with the tribal council. The vampires are gone. There is no longer an immediate threat to our people. The pack as a whole have not phased in quite some time. The dynamic has changed. I told you it was a learning process. I'm afforded a few more freedoms these days. The laws were written during a time when our neighboring lands were inhabited by the leeches. They're gone; we no longer have an enemy. So, some of the restrictions have been forgiven, which is good for us."

"The rest of the rules, are they still in force?" I couldn't come right out and ask, so I hoped Jacob saw my hidden agenda.

"It hasn't been discussed, but I don't feel there is an immediate need for me to procreate, if that is what you mean," he sounded despondent, disappointed that I had even asked. He knew I was referring to the marriage stipulation, but despite his letdown, I felt relieved.

"I can't guarantee anything, but you shouldn't worry about it. There is absolutely no rush. I don't want you to fret over it. I didn't give you that ring because I'm on a deadline, I really do want to marry you. I wanted to marry you before I ever knew werewolves truly existed, long before you ever loved me back."

I stared out the window, relief surging through me. My fears had been unwarranted and irrational. I wasn't marrying Jake today. I had time to get used to the idea. Going to Florida with Jacob would be fun. Life with Jacob would be fun.

"Jake, we need to find a mall."

"Why?" he asked completely confused. I hated shopping and he knew this fact.

"If we're going to Florida, I will need something to wear." I said slyly.

_____________________________________________________________________

We had been at Westfield Mall for over two hours. Finding appropriate beach wear in November- in Washington- was the proverbial needle in the haystack scenario. However, I did find a few things that I could take on the trip. I hoped I could borrow the rest from Angela. Jacob sat on a bench, waiting patiently as I made my last sweep. He was about as interested in shopping as I normally was. I regretted that malls didn't come stock with junk yards or auto part stores. At least then he would be having some fun. He really looked miserable.

I was ready to leave, but then I spotted a small store at the end of the strip. It was dimly lit, smelled of incense, and a small jewelry counter caught my eye.

"Can I help you?" A middle age woman with black and red hair asked. I looked up to see her wearing black rimmed frames and several piercings on her face. A closer look revealed how beautiful she was. She seemed worldly and brilliant.

"May I see those rings?" I asked pointing toward the counter.

"Sure. Which one do you fancy?" She pulled out a tray and I pulled up a silver band.

"What kind of ring is this?"

"Basically a promise ring. These rings symbolize life-long commitment. Kind of like a marriage without the paperwork. Love is more complex these days. Some people believe that marriage is just an outdated ritual. Others believe that their union should be between them and God. Whatever reason, people use these rings as a symbol of their commitment without all the legality," she explained.

"Really?"

"Yes, but we sell them typically to people who are in love, but for whatever reason can' get married right away. Like the last one I sold to a guy who was leaving for the army. He wanted to promise his love for his girlfriend and when the time was right they would marry. They're popular with the college kids; you know, long distance relationships."

I looked through the rings. I picked one up and guessed that it would fit Jacob's huge finger. The inside inscription read _forever yours, _which was perfect. I paid for the ring, along with some candles and massage oil.

I walked out of the store feeling alleviated of my current commitment problem. I looked around for Jacob, but the bench was vacant. I looked up and spotted him walking toward me with a giant cookie and a very recognizable pink bag.

"I did a little vacation shopping myself," he said swinging the signature bag back and forth.

"What's in there?" I asked.

"You'll see in Florida," he said clutching the bag close, "Vicky's not the only one who can keep a secret."

"Can I at least have a bite of the cookie?" I said laughing at Jacob's expression.

I could finally breathe easy. I wasn't messing things up anymore. I may be a flawed brick but I was still capable of being strong. Still capable of being what Jacob needed.

* * *


	40. Chapter 40: Freedom

**Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine**

**Chapter 40**

Angela and I spent the greatest part of Tuesday afternoon at the Wild Orchid Spa. I was definitely going to miss her over Thanksgiving break. Since her breakup with Ben Cheney she had become a greater fixture in my everyday life. She had practically moved in, and I saw her daily. We decided to treat ourselves-her decision more than mine-by being pampered at the spa.

Angela needed some fun time so I didn't buck on her when she asked. She was still aching and heartbroken from her breakup and I knew all too well where she was coming from. I needed a break from my intense stress over my trip to Florida.

Angela's idea of pampering was my idea of torture. I had been cut, plucked, waxed and teased almost to the point of no return. I couldn't believe girls liked this, let alone pay money for it. I hoped that by enduring thetreatments, I would look halfway presentable on my trip with Jacob. Despite my anxiety,I was really looking forward to some personal alone time with him.

Charlie hadn't been too pleased with my choice, but I was an adult and capable of making my own decisions. He had given me more respect than I thought possible when I mentioned to him that Jake and I were staying in a private condo and not with Renee. He had only popped about five blood vessels in his forehead, to my relief. Charlie was coming around. Renee, however, would not be so moveable.

After the spa treatment, Angela and I met Mike and his new girlfriend for coffee. She was a perfect match for him, and I genuinely liked her. She was going to make a great friend. I loved the idea of having a group of friends once again.

I had to cut my visit short because I still had to finish packing. I had procrastinated out of nervousness but I could no longer put off the inevitable. Jacob was spending the night with me so we could catch our 4:30 am flight.

When I arrived at my apartment, Jacob was already there. I could hear the TV from just outside the door, another ballgame. I opened the door carefully, trying not to destroy my manicured nails. I couldn't take any chances. One false move and the polish would be marred.

The room was dark. The only light other than the TV were two candles flickering on the kitchen table. looked around the corner and saw Jacob wearing a pink apron and a big grin. I assumed had he cooked dinner by the mess of pots and pans on the stove and countertop.

"This is a nice surprise," I said, trying to hold my laughter. A pink ruffled apron really did not suit his physique.

"I tried my hardest. Too bad Emily wasn't around to help me," he chuckled while trying to get out of the apron.

I thought about the first time Jake cooked for me- the picnic at the beach. The day I realized Jacob was the right person for me.

"I'm sure it's delicious," I said reassuringly. Not too many people could mess up mac-and-cheese.

I sat down at the table. Jake turned the TV off and joined me.

"Not bad," I remarked, shoving another bite into my mouth.

"Thanks, hopefully you won't die."

"You're eating it too," I added.

"Yeah but I have super wolf blood. I'll survive," he said assuredly. "Food poison is no real match for me."

I gave him an ostentatious eye roll and went back to my dinner.

"Bella, I do want to ask you something."

"Okay, go," I muttered, my mouth still full.

"Well the house is really coming along. The land is cleared, and the blueprints are ready to be drawn up. I would really like your input on some of the details."

Every time Jake mentioned our future, I froze. My brain, my body, my ability to think-it all just froze. It was a gradual step up from the normal freaking and running away, but I still felt bad for it. I wanted to be with Jacob forever, but when the future was an assumed possibility it was easier to handle. As it became a reality, it also became frightening.

"Bella," he inquired.

"Jake, it's your house. You don't need my help. Besides I have horrible taste."

"I think I feel insulted," he said in a mocking tone.

"That's not what I meant. You're the only choice I've ever made in good taste," I replied through a smile.

"Bells, I really hope this house will be your home someday. I want you to be a part of this."

I couldn't deny his sincerity. I glanced down at the ring on my finger. It was happening and I had to embrace it. I had to embrace my future.

"I only have one request."

"Pray tell," he said cupping his chin in his palm.

"I want a big kitchen. I'm sure I'll be doing all the cooking," I said as I flung a clump of rubbery mac-and-cheese at him.

___________________________________________________________________________

Jake spent most of the flight asleep. However, I couldn't sleep. I closed my eyes, but my mind was a flurry of tense excitement. Instead, I spent my time thinking. I thought about how I would explain to Renee the diamond on my all-too-important finger. She would definitely not approve and I dreaded the conversation. I was in charge of my life now. I was an adult, and I didn't need approval for every last decision I made, I just needed respect and support. But I didn't expect to get either one for this decision. Renee's stance on early marriage was clear. I chewed on my fingernails, realizing that the polish was coming off in flakes.

I looked at Jake. He was so carefree and peaceful. I smiled instantly every time I saw him. I grabbed his hand and wove my fingers through his and sighed as I felt his calm enter my body. He was a definite stabilizer. I had to get a grip on my emotions.

The first part of our vacation was spent in a whirlwind. Jake and I spent Thanksgiving with Phil and Renee in the traditional sense. Although Jake had never celebrated Thanksgiving, he found a new appreciation for the feast. He polished off Renee's turkey practically by himself. Renee remarked at what a wonderful appetite he had. After dinner, Jake and Phil watched football until they passed out in the living room, leaving me alone with Renee.

"Bella, I think we need to discuss something," she said.

Here it comes-the talk. I took in a deep breath and mentally cleared my mind for the onslaught to come. She led the way out onto the covered veranda. I followed and joined her on the wooden swing.

"When were you going to tell me the good news?"

"Good news?" I asked confused.

"That's an engagement ring, isn't it?" Renee questioned as she jerked up my finger to get a closer look.

"Yes. It was Jake's mothers ring."

"I'm very happy for you dear," she responded softly.

"You're not disappointed?" I asked, still confused.

"Bella, that boy is crazy about you. Why would I be disappointed? There isn't another human alive that could love you as much as he does."

What an odd choice of words, I thought, but she was right. There wasn't another human or another immortal that could love me like Jake did.

"I don't know. Because you hate marriage and you think we are way too young. You know the usual reasons," I answered.

"Oh Bella, you're so melodramatic. I don't hate marriage. Yes, I made a mistake. I wasn't ready for marriage, and I was too young. But I don't regret it. If it wasn't for marrying Charlie I wouldn't have had you. Mistakes help build who you are, not define you as a whole. Life isn't always bunnies and butterflies, but it isn't always unhappy or unfair either. You're a different person from me. I trust your judgment far beyond my own. "

"Oh," I muttered, still trying to comprehend what was happening. My fears were unsubstantiated and I had driven myself insane for no reason.

"Look, I would prefer you wait until you're at least finished with college. But Bella, he's the one. You two are meant for each other. I can see it by the way you look at him. Your souls are woven together. I'm very happy for you," she added.

Renee was right. Her acceptance relieved a great burden from me. We were woven together and we did fit each other. I glanced at Jake, snoring in the recliner. He healed me when I was broken, he saved me when I was doomed, and he loved me when I was incapable of loving him back. What other reasons did I need? Marrying Jacob, surrendering my life to him was unequivocally the best thing I would ever do.

Jacob and I spent Friday with Phil and Renee. It was amazing how free I felt. Jake fit right in with my family. When Saturday morning came, feelings of sadness washed over me. We only had one day left to enjoy the visit, before our red eye flight late that night.

We lay on a blanket and listened to the water as it hit the shore. Each wave marked another second closer to the end of our vacation.

"Jake, I want to give you something," I spoke up, breaking our silence.

He started to make a joke until he saw the seriousness in my eyes. I reached into my bag and pulled out the promise ring. I was nervous but I had clear purpose and I needed to do this. I couldn't wait another day, another minute.

"I'm not good at this. All of this seems to overwhelm me and I get crazy. But Jacob, I'm yours. As long as you want me, I'm yours," I said as I gave him the ring.

"This is to signify my promise to you. I don't know when we will get married, but until then this will let you know how I feel. I know I get crazy and I lose it, but I don't want you to give up on me. I love you. The words sound stupid, because they're not enough, but I love you. And if my life ends tomorrow it would all be worthwhile because I loved you. As God as my witness, I want to spend the rest of my life with you and only you."

Jake took the ring and read the inscription. Tears filled his eyes as he discovered my real devotion. Any skepticism he had about my feelings had been washed away.

"Bella, I love you too." He kissed my forehead and put the ring on his ring finger. He picked me up, blanket and all, and cradled me in his big strong arms. I smiled at him as he put my feet on the floor. His lips met mine urgently, forcing his goodness into my senses. He moved his hands through my hair wildly, and I went mad with desire. He pulled off each piece of my clothing and then his own. Before I could breathe, he attacked me with his lips and pushed me back into the wall.

Of all the times I had made love to Jacob, this was different. This was pure desire and passion, and unfaltering love. I had really let go of my restraint and my indecision, and I was finally ready to fully accept the love that Jacob Black wanted to give me. With each movement I moaned in excitement. Jacob filled me-literally and figuratively-with a love so strong that I lost all control.

Every room, every viable surface, was home to our wild love making. I felt alive and free, and my soul burned with intense dedication and affection for him. I felt incredibly undeserving of him, and yet humbly grateful for him. I needed Jacob. Like oxygen and blood, in order to sustain life, I needed Jacob.

It was hard to leave Florida. Just packing up my suitcase seemed a little bittersweet. I had closed a chapter in my relationship with Jacob and had started a new one, an exciting one. I thought about our home and I felt elated to be a part in building it. Even if my part was picking out cabinets or windows, it was still important. Jacob gave me a renewed hope and peace. I prayed for a long life with him. Eternity was impossible, but I wanted to be with Jacob for as long as I could. I closed my eyes; with the weight lifted from me I was going to sleep on the flight home. Things were finally falling into place for me, and I was ready to accept them.

Chapter Notes:

I know this chap seems a little short and a little rushed. I accomplished what I needed to. Bella is finally free of her worries. Yeah freedom. Please review


	41. Chapter 41: Edward's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, it's not mine. I'm just enjoying it! **

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and for voting. Voting is still open **

**thecullencovenawards(dot)webs(dot)com/**

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**Also I have better versions of this story on simplytwilight(dot)com/ and twilighted(dot)net. Go visit overthere and leave me some love :) **

**I couldn't decide on the song for this chapter so you get two**

**"_Why_" and "_Goodbye_" by Secondhand Serenade**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________________________**

**Chapter 41 ****Edward's POV**

_The night has a thousand eyes, And the day but one;  
Yet the light of the bright world dies, With the dying sun.  
The mind has a thousand eyes, And the heart but one;  
Yet the light of a whole life dies, When love is done.  
~ by Francis W. Bourdillon ~_

I flipped the switch of the outdated desk lamp, offering my tiny office forty watts of dim light. Of course, I didn't really need the light. My eyes could see the charts in front of me perfectly in the dark. My eyes never registered the change in light but I needed to uphold my image as a human. I was in a new place and I had a new host of humans to deceive.

It was an unbelievably slow night at Trinity Regional. The graveyard shift was typically slow anyway. Occasionally we would see a car wreck or the intermittent drunk. This was the slowest night I had seen since my arrival as a resident physician a month ago. It was only midnight though and the night could easily turn around.

Living in Iowa wasn't as bad as I feared. Working alongside Carlisle had been somewhat liberating. He was a great teacher. I was thrilled to be his student. Carlisle had been in Davenport for the last nine months. I came to join him as a resident transferring from North Star Hospital in Anchorage. The necessary paperwork was easy to attain and once I built up my tolerance for human blood I was ready to start work.

Helping other humans really was rewarding and allowed me to offer restitution for the monster I was. At least, my mind was allowed a temporary freedom from its otherwise torturous thoughts.

Despite the small satisfaction being a doctor brought me, my mind always drifted back to Bella. I missed her as much today as the day I left. Her memory was etched into my mind, eating at my every thought and intention. Bella was the constant bane of my existence and yet my time spent with her was worth this hellish subsistence I had to endure.

I no longer counted days, or weeks, or months. I no longer vexed over her like I did in the beginning. But the aching hole, that was once my beating heart, still mourned for her. I knew Bella was safe and protected. She was happy and in love. I had offered one last bit of compensation when I saved the life of her mongrel boyfriend.

He wasn't my first choice of a mate for Bella. A young, volatile, unstable werewolf; only Bella would lose a vampire boyfriend and gain a werewolf boyfriend. She was extremely misfortunate.

Despite everything Jacob Black was; he was the better choice. I saw the proof for myself the last time I visited Forks. Between Alice's visions and Jacob's memories I knew Bella was taken care of and I had accepted her happiness. I no longer dreamed of coming back to her. So many times I found myself on the verge of just breaking and returning to claim my love.

I gave up the notion when she told Alice that I made the right choice by leaving. Even thought I was the one to concede it still hurt losing her. I had jeopardized her life more times than I thought possible. I was unsafe and unhealthy. She deserved better.

"Dr. Masen, there's been a terrible accident at the airport. Dozens of people injured. We're expecting to receive numerous patients," a frantic voice informed me from the doorway.

So the quiet night, in just a blink, had turned into pure chaos. We were in crisis mode and lives depended on my capabilities as a doctor. In a critical time like this there was nothing to do but stand by and await the devastation that was sure to come in the aftermath of a crisis. This incident was sure to prove my authority as a doctor and validate my decision to save lives.

Our response team was waiting by the ambulance bay door. Estimated arrival time was less than five minutes. In the background I heard the blaring news report on TV.

"Flight 407 to Vancouver, Washington was hijacked approximately one hour and forty minutes ago. Reports given state that a passenger was able to subdue the four hijackers, allowing the pilot to seize control of the aircraft and make an emergency landing at Quad City International Airport. Upon the emergency landing the tires caught fire and the aircraft skidded out of control off the runway. The plane crashed into a block wall on the South end of the strip. No fatalities at this time are noted, but several dozen people are injured and emergency crews are working to clear up the mess. It is reported that there were 155 passengers and a 15 person crew. The motives and identities of the hijackers are still unknown. More details to follow."

I tuned the TV out as the report began to repeat itself. No other information was being attained. The thoughts of the staff were all the same, anticipation and fear. In a catastrophe like this humans always re-acted the same, .

Carlisle came through the entrance door just as the lights from the ambulance brightened the night sky.

"Are you up for this?" he asked. "There will, no doubt, be a lot of blood."

Carlisle was concerned for my ability to control myself. I had paced myself the last few months and since working at Trinity Regional I had not been witness to such a catastrophe. I had a firm grip on my innate desires. I was confident in my abilites as a doctor as well as my ability to resist my propensity for human blood.

"I'm ready," I assured him intrepidly.

The team of doctors and nurses took their places. It was a blur of excitement. Medical histories, patient information and treatment orders were soaring through the air.

The second ambulance was designated for me. I already knew by the thoughts of the paramedic that this case was severe_. Femoral artery severed, large amount of blood loss. Patient in shock and unconscious._

"Female, approximately twenty years old, multiple lacerations and contusions. Erupted femoral artery. Went into shock en-route approximately five minutes ago," the paramedic informed me of the arduous tasks before me. As the other crew members unloaded the stretcher from the ambulance I made my way back inside. "Exam Room 2," I ordered to the paramedic over my shoulder.

"This case takes precedence, triage all non life-threatening emergencies," I barked to the awaiting team. I went to scrub up and prepare myself for the most important night of my non-life.

I entered exam room 2 and was immediately beguiled by the smell of blood. Not just any blood, this was different. I had come to respect human blood. I no longer thirsted for it. I could resist it with slight ease. But this smell was overpowering all of my senses, singing to me like a robin on the first day of spring. The smell was so contrastingly cursing and glorious that I had to hold my breath. I had only encountered this aroma one other time. Was it possible for another human to sing to me the way Bella did? I shook my head in agitation. Perhaps my mind was running amuck. My former thoughts of longing for Bella and the severity of this new situation were conflicting my internal structure. I took in a deep breath to free my mind but my rationalization was stopped short as the scent entered my throat. I had not imagined this sweet beckoning scent. It was very much valid, evidenced by the raging monster inside of me. I was unable to speak as my lungs caught fire and the flames smoldered through my insides.

My natural instincts were taking over. My throat ached and burned. Scorching fire reigned throughout my upper body. My restraint and control was no match for this poignant smell. My thoughts bounced back and forth. The venom flowed through my mouth only igniting the fire inside me. In a matter of seconds it would all be over. My skilled resistance couldn't quench the swirling ache and burn of the thirst inside me. My stomach clenched at the anticipatory treat. My muscles grew rigid and tense. Run, I had to run.

I turned to leave the room, to leave the victim on the stretcher. I couldn't ruin the lives of my family, I had to leave. My weakness had caused enough problems for them. If a human had to die then it was a small price to pay. I knew that if I didn't leave this room that I would kill this human myself. The thirst was too strong, the scent too irresistible.

"Dr. Masen, she's seizing."

I jerked into reality. This was a human life that I was giving up on, a life that had family and friends-hopes and dreams. No matter how trenchant my urges were I couldn't give up now. I couldn't quit. I made a vow to save human lives. It was imperative that I stop the monster inside of me from the untamed cravings and start saving this girl's life.

I took in one last breath. The burn through my throat intensified; the taste on my tongue begging me, taunting me for satisfaction. I closed my eyes.

I slowly inched myself back to my patient as the diligent staff obeyed my orders to control the seizures and the blood loss. In just a few seconds the medicine kicked in and her body was calm, once again. She was silent, all but the loud resonating voice coming from the wonderful stench of her blood. I willed my eyes to actually see this person. The monster wanted to think of her as just another blood temptation but I knew she was a person. My eyes slowly moved across her body. Dark blood stains covered her torn clothing. Her leg was cut deep and her pale skin was barely visible among the trail of the spun blood.

Then I saw her face, almost unrecognizable by the tubes attached to it. It was a face that I saw a million times a day; a face that I had missed terribly. Bella… my sweet, beloved Bella was the victim of this horrible crash-almost a victim of my weakness and appetite.

Of course, the smell of her blood. There was no other scent so great in all of the world. Nothing could call out to me that way. And the silence of her thoughts, it all made perfect sense. Even in unconsciousness, I was still able to hear human thoughts. And I had yet to hear one single thought from the bleeding victim.

Her face marred with dried blood and bruises was just as beautiful as I remembered. Her auburn hair was still glorious and her lips full and soft. I wanted to reach out to her. I wanted to kiss her.

I snapped out of my revelry to allow myself the comprehension of the situation. Bella was here and she was badly injured. I switched from gutted lovesick fool to stoic doctor mode and worked frantically to save her life. I had wanted to offer amends for hurting Bella; this was my chance.

The night seemed endless. The last three hours had passed in a miasma of confusion. Bella had been given six pints of blood and had managed to come through surgery to repair the damaged artery. The odds of survival were almost non existent and yet here she was still alive. Her vital signs had stabilized but all attempts to pull her from the ventilator had failed. She was in critical condition and was in the intensive care unit.

Bella was still listed as "Jane Doe." Carlisle and I thought it best if she remained that way. I took it upon myself to find her personal belongings and used her phone to call Jacob. He was relieved and yet horrified that it was me calling. He had been searching all over the city; Trinity Regional was his next stop.

*******

"Edward, he's here. He's in the ICU waiting lounge," Carlisle informed me.

"Have you told him of her condition?" I asked.

"No, I wanted you to be there with me."

I followed Carlisle down the hall to the ICU waiting area. The hospital was a bustle of energy and there was hardly an empty seat anywhere. I motioned for him at the door. His eyes pierced me as he got up from his chair. The foul odor radiating from his body was enough to make me ill. It was even worse now in the confines of the hospital. At least in the woods there was a chance of a breeze blowing by to offer temporary relief. My nose wrinkled and my eyes began to twitch as his stench became stronger.

Carlisle and I took Jacob into an unused linen room. We couldn't take a chance of someone hearing our conversation. The mutt had as much of a secret to hide as we did. So I wasn't surprised by his unusual compliance.

"How is she? How's Bella?" he asked once Carlisle closed the door. His voice was muted and shallow.

"Her femoral artery burst and she's lost a lot of blood. The surgery to repair the artery went well but she is still dependent on the ventilator. It is a cause for concern," Carlisle explained.

"Will she be alright? Have you called Charlie? What will happen? Can't you save her?"

His questions ran together as he spoke. His thoughts were even more scrambled than his words. From the flashes of memory I gathered that he had been the one to counter the hijackers. This didn't surprise me in the least. In the chaos Bella removed her seatbelt to find him. The next flash, I saw her body lying under the remnants of steel and metal, blood gushing from her leg. Jacob successfully controlled the bleeding and carried her to the nearest ambulance for help. It was then they became separated. He had to escape the scene. His injuries were healing at record speeds and he had to avoid the attention of the crowd.

I glanced at him for the first time since his arrival. Because of the foul stench I hadn't noticed it before but his clothes were covered in Bella's blood. He looked tired and somnolent.

"It's really a wait and see situation. She's survived the impossible. Don't give up hope." Carlisle was trying to be comforting, for my benefit as much as Jacob's.

The minutes dragged into hours and there was still no change. Bella's room was desolate and quiet. I watched the rise and fall of her chest as the machine did her breathing for her. Two more failed attempts to get her to breathe on her own. Why was she always so stubborn?

Typically, in any other scenario, we would have called the family in a room to discuss the options. Life support was not always the best alternative and we had to make the choices known. Since Bella was still carded as Jane Doe we had some time.

I entered the tiny room in the intensive care unit. Her body lay motionless on the stark white sheets. The only sounds came from the beeps and the drips of the equipment hooked to her. Her face was bruised and swollen around the tube allowing her to breathe. Her eyes remained immovable. I tucked the clipboard in my hands underneath my arm so I could touch her. I thought of the first time her warm delicate skin brushed against my frigid icy flesh. She had flinched but yet she wasn't afraid. I began rubbing her fingertips slightly. In the last two hours she had required two more units of blood and still no change.

She was dying. If not for the artificial breathing equipment she would already be dead.

I moved my hand along her right arm. This behavior was shockingly inappropriate for a doctor. But this was my Bella. The love of my…well… as twisted as it was, my life. I couldn't stand to see her like this, barely clinging to life. There was no life in her now, no sign of the beautiful person I knew. I wanted to see the soft crimson stain of her face when she was embarrassed. I wanted to sense the heat as the blood pooled around her cheekbones. I would give anything to see her brown eyes full of mystery and eagerness. I yearned to hear her laugh and see her lips form a crooked smile.

I couldn't take seeing her lying there without life. I moved her left hand gingerly, not wanting to pull at the tubes inserted into her veins. That is when I noticed the ring.

Was Bella planning to marry the mutt? Was she really that much in love? Although I was repulsed at the mere thought of her with him, I knew she could have a life with him without giving up her soul.

His story would have an even more tragic ending than mine if something happened to Bella.

I sat there staring at the diamond. Her hopes and dreams were now mere clouds of wishes hanging somewhere in the balance. My departure had crushed her and now that she had healed, fate threw her a new snare. Why was Bella always a target? Jacob had replaced me as her guardian. If not for him she would have bled to death on the plane.

I moved my hand along her left arm and up to the surface of her collarbone. I started to trace along the ridges beneath her skin and found myself at her neck. I rubbed her softly, imagining what it would feel like to touch her skin with my lips. Just to know that this world could exist without her beauty and majesty seemed an unfair justice. Bella was the reason for so many things. She gave me happiness and love. Under normal circumstances I would have been able to love her for a lifetime. To hold her, sleep next to her. I could have shared every emotion and every moment with her.

The hole in my chest ached at the thoughts. I pulled the clipboard out and considered the notes on Bella's medical chart. I read line by line, absentmindedly flicking the pen in my hand. I was overcome with desperation and I began pacing. The outcome did not look good. I squeezed the pen in my hand with more vigor collapsing the metal shell and spewing ink all over the floor. I wiped up the mess of my frustration still brewing over the thoughts of really losing Bella. She was no longer a fixture in my life but I loved her nonetheless. It was a tornado sucking me into some unknown vortex of desolation and misery.

In a storm of enlightenment I thought about changing her. She didn't have to die this way. She may have chosen life but fate brought her here. It was no coincidence that she would end up in this hospital. What were the odds? She was dying and I could save her, in a way. Alice had always seen it. Bella destined to be a vampire. I never wanted it because it wasn't the proper choice. But now there wasn't an alternative. It was death or immortality.

I could do it quickly and then sneak her body out of the hospital. She and I could be together and we could be happy. I could love her and she would love me. I rubbed her neck softly, imagining my lips on her neck and her blood as it filled my mouth. I could almost taste her. Just like after the fight with James, only this time I would have more control to stop. I could do this for Bella. I had abandoned her before, for her own good. But now I could save her.

As if by some magic force, my eyes shifted down. The ring. My momentary insanity was halted when I saw her choice laid out before me. She had chosen life, not immortality. She had chosen happiness with Jacob and had prepared for her future. An eternity with me would be a disappointment to her. An endless longing for what she once wanted from life but unable to have it. I knew the story all too well. Rosalie, Esme, Carlisle, all of my family trapped to live in a world where their hopes and dreams were crushed by this curse.

I was no longer Bella's mate or her lover. I was her doctor. She was just another human to me now. I had chosen this for her when I left her in the woods. I had chosen this for myself. My mind flashed the memory from Jacob's thoughts. She was lying on the cold ground, lost and alone. Her voice barely able to speak and yet she was crying out my name. I had left her there. It hurt to think of her in this capacity because the ache in my chest was all too real. The pain reminded me of how much I still loved her. Everyday of forever I would love her. The throb of my thoughts was echoed by the hum of the equipment sustaining life in Bella. I longed to hear her thoughts to know what she really wanted. I looked at her finger again. I supposed I already knew what she wanted.

If I couldn't change her then I had to save her. I just didn't know how.

A/N:

Thank you to susanashlea and bloodofbeckie for your confidence in this chapter. Special thanks to my readers!

Now go review!

.


	42. Chapter 42: Blood

**Disclaimer: Twilight, characters, settings, plot, theme etc. etc. belongs to it's respected owners. No copyright infringement intended. Just pure happiness!**

**A/N: Thank you for showing your love and for being patient with me. So Eddie's back…hmmm…what could possibly happen next…and a plane crash…only Bella. It's amazing how I've written a 41 chapter story about Jacob and Bella and my favorite chapter is in Edward's POV. Well hopefully this chapter will clear the air a bit and allow us all to breathe easier.**

**So I put up a new story...its a one shot sample for the Sort of Beautiful Challenge. Go read it and see how I did. I'm judging the entries so get to writing. I can't wait to see whay you all come up with.**

_And you're always in my heart__  
__You're always on my mind__  
__When it all becomes too much__  
__You're never far behind__  
__And there's no one that comes close to you__  
__Could ever take your place__  
__'Cause only you can love me this way_

_Only You Can Love Me This Way - Keith Urban_

**Jacob's POV**

There was no escape from the personal hell that had consumed my life. Thirty-six hours ago, I was wrapped in the goodness of the love of my life in paradise. Now, I was trapped in the borders of a hospital, praying for a miracle, and losing faith by the second.

I paced the halls of the corridor just outside the intensive care unit. Beyond the locked metal doors, Bella lay in a stiff hospital bed fighting for her life. In the last six hours, I had only able to visit with her once, which was all I needed to affirm the fears swelling inside me. I had seen her life in danger many times, but this was surreal.

I stood at the doors and stared at the sign that read: "No admittance beyond this point." I said it aloud, still in disbelief. I was helpless and immobile, being mocked by a sign on a hospital door. It was a reminder of my inability to save Bella this time. I had always been able to save her. Every time her life was in danger I was there to protect her, but I was helpless now.

The trend of my relationship with Bella, although convoluted, was reliable. As she allowed me further into her life, luck would always drive a wedge between us. It was a guarantee, just like snow in Alaska or rain in the Amazon. When life started to get easy, something disastrous would happen. Even though we overcame fate's snares in the past, I was leery of the outcome. This situation felt grim and hopeless.

Selfishly, my mind thought about what would happen, if by some miracle, Bella pulled through this. How would she react to seeing Edward? Of all the places in the world for our plane to crash, it crashed here. I couldn't resign the fear that she may no longer want me if Edward was an option.

I never deserved Bella; I knew it from the first moment that I realized I loved her. She was beauty and glory. When she loved me in return, I vowed to never take it for granted. I didn't deserve her, but I needed her.

My affection for her ran deep, defining my very existence. If by some miracle she awoke from this awful nightmare and was able to live another day, breathing without the aid of tubes and machines, I could accept her rejection. I could accept her loving a monster like Edward instead of me. The hurt wouldn't be as bad as her death. At least I wanted to believe it wouldn't.

"Jacob," Carlisle's smooth voice called from behind me. I turned to see him and Edward coming through the cold, metal doors. The sign mocked me once again, as the doors swung closed.

"Dr. Cullen, is there a change?" I asked formally, hoping for a miracle.

"She's still too weak to remove the tube, and she needs more blood," he said informatively.

"Give it to her, why are you standing here?" I shouted.

"The blood supply in the hospital is low because of the mass injuries from the crash. Bella's condition is critical but her outcome is bleak. She's no longer on the priority list. As physicians we look to save the ones who can be saved. The longer she depends on the ventilator, the higher the risks become. Her body is just not responding to the blood."

"You can't give up on her," I stressed. I was appalled at his lack of optimism. Didn't he want Bella to live?

"I'm not. I'm trying to figure something out," he offered reassuringly.

"Give her my blood. If you need blood, I'll donate my blood to her."

"You're a werewolf, I doubt your blood would match," Edward hissed. I wanted to snap back, but his face looked just as lonesome as mine. I had very little energy left. I wasn't going to expel it arguing with a parasite.

"It's not a bad idea, Edward," Carlisle replied coolly. I could see that Edward was disgusted by the thoughts in Carlisle's mind, only adding to my eagerness.

"Jacob, is it true that werewolves have the capability to regenerate?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, our bodies heal at an abnormally fast rate of speed," I explained.

Carlisle looked eager, and after a few seconds of intense thought, he spoke.

"What if I run a few tests on you? I might be able to give Bella the needed blood cells to make her heal faster. It's a long shot, but not impossible. I already have the essential

genetic research under my belt. Perhaps, a little tweaking and we can save a life."

"I'm in. Where's the needle?" I replied eagerly.

"I would need a bone marrow sample. I need a sample of your stem cells and progenitor cells. That's most likely the source of your genetic gift."

"Carlisle, this is absurd. Now is not the time to be playing with genetics. You can finish your research once we save Bella's life," Edward snipped.

"Edward, we are running low on options. We can use my lab and the testing can be done quickly." Carlisle was confidant and zealous in his new quest. I didn't care to be a

guinea pig if the results would help Bella. I would gladly give up my own life for her. I followed Fang One and Fang Two dutifully down the hall and into the service elevator.

"Where are we going?" I asked out of instinct. The stench of them repulsed me, but the thought of trusting my natural enemy repulsed me even more.

"We're going to Carlisle's playground," Edward said darkly. Chills ran across my spine at his cynicism.

We exited the elevator in the basement. The odor of the morgue overpowered the sickly sweet smell of the doctors, and I was momentarily relieved.

We passed through several corridors before entering a computerized locked door. Carlisle entered a numeric code and the door automatically opened. The hidden room was very sterile and institutional. The only thing missing was bright fluorescent lighting. I assumed there was no need for such lighting in here. Undoubtedly, no humans visited this room.

The room was full of high-tech machines and microscopes. There were computers, monitors, equipment everywhere. Hundreds of vials of blood were stacked up neatly against the wall. What a perfect lair for a vampire, all that was missing were the coffins.

The air was filled with the smell of alcohol, latex, blood, and of course, the stench of vampires. Edward stood cautiously by the door, skepticism planted on his face.

"Jacob, there are unknown risks of this procedure for both you and Bella. I can't make any guarantees. If the source of regeneration comes from progenitor cells it is possible you will lose some of you're ability. They are limited in their capacity to renew, at least in normal humans," Carlisle informed me.

"And Bella, will she be harmed?" I asked.

"Undetermined. The effects are contingent on what type of procedure we do. There are the normal side effects and risks. If we have to do a marrow transplant, the risks are infection, Venooclusive Disease mucositis, Graft-versus-Host Disease, to name a few," he explained.

I didn't understand the medical gibberish that Carlisle spewed at rapid speed. Edward heard my blur of thoughts and answered before I could ask.

"Your blood could kill her," Edward said darkly.

"It's a possibility. I will know more once the testing is done," Carlisle informed me.

"Okay, well let's get this over with."

"Normally, I would use a local anesthetic to do this procedure. However, you are aware of our secret, so I can work at my pace and it will be over before you know it. I need you to remove your shirt and pants, then hop up on the table on your side."

I did as he requested and undressed down to my boxers. His arctic fingers grazed my skin and I had to resist the natural urge to kill him. For Bella's sake, I gained control of myself. I took in a deep breath and released. I repeated this three more times when Edward's voice stopped me.

"You can sit up. You're done."

Not one ounce of pain. Hardly heroic.

I turned to see Carlisle already sitting over a complicated-looking microscope.

"The unique cell is a peripheral blood stem cell. That is good news," he called out, never moving his eyes from the microscope.

Edward nodded at me to confirm Carlisle's declaration.

"I think it would best to use apheresis, which will enable us to separate the blood cells we need from the blood cells we don't. This procedure is most often used in cancer patients, but I feel that it will work in Bella's case."

"Normal terms, please?" I asked.

"Basically, a machine filters out the cells that contain the regeneration power and we will give those to Bella. If her body responds, then we should see improvements almost instantly."

I sighed. Just knowing there was a small shred of hope was some relief.

"Edward, can you get him set up while I finish here?"

Edward motioned for me to follow him and pointed to a black vinyl chair in the corner of the room. I sat down, and he positioned my arm facing palm up. He moved a metal tray with needles and tubes closer to his work area.

He worked diligently for a few seconds, inserting a needle into my arm and hooking it into a clear tube attached to the machine beside me.

"This is the cell separator centrifuge. Once the blood components have been collected, we will return the rest back into your body," Carlisle explained as he joined me and Edward. The machine purred and hummed, as the blood slowly left my body.

The whole process took about an hour and a half. Edward darted in and out nervously, reporting to his others patients I assumed. He wasn't on board with Carlisle's plan, but he had no other alternative. None of us did.

I cast a watchful eye over Edward. I couldn't place his apprehension, but I sensed he was deviating a plan to take Bella from me.

"If this works, I have to at least say goodbye to her. I have no intentions of taking Bella from you, because I know she loves you. But I still love her, very much so," he responded to the thoughts that drummed in my mind.

"You're free to go," Carlisle hummed as he unhooked the apparatus from my arm. "I will meet you in front of the ICU entrance in twenty minutes," he added.

So, I was back to pacing and being mocked by the sign. "No admittance beyond this point," I read it aloud again.

The doors opened wide and Edward materialized before me.

"Carlisle's ready." I followed him to Bella's room. She looked exactly the same as before, motionless, lifeless. Her bruised face and body was swollen beyond recognition.

Carlisle attached the bag to the IV stand by Bella's bed. He reset the monitor, and drop by drop, my blood started flowing into Bella's body. Her lips were cracked and bleeding from the weight of the tube between them. I longed to touch her and comfort her, but in her delicate situation, I feared hurting her. My eyes brimmed with tears at the sight of her.

"We just have to wait, now," Carlisle whispered so low that the sound wasn't be audible to humans.

I stood at the foot of her bed and stared at her face, hoping and waiting for a miracle. With every breath, I prayed that she would wake up. I prayed that my genetic curse would save Bella's life. That somehow we would once again conquer the unconquerable. That we could finally just be…_happy_.

**A/N:**

**I consider this chapter to be a bridge and I hope it made sense. I know nothing about medicine and I hope my theories aren't too far out there. Let me know what you think!!!!**


	43. Chapter 43: The Most Beautiful Words

_****_

**Disclaimer: I have no place in Steph's wonderful world...but I'm grateful for the opportunity.**

**A/N:**

**I want to thank every person who read this story. If you've made it this far than I really thank you. For those of you that reviewed a million thanks - you all are the cheese to my macaroni :)**

**I have to thank my twifey _bloodofbeckie_ and all my other twi-gals _Live720_, _my hubby is no edward_ and _mombailey_. They give me the inspiration and encouragement I need to get through the rough times. They are also brilliant and excellent writers, far beyond myself. I consider myself very lucky to count them as friends. If you haven't read their stuff go do it after you read and REVIEWED this chapter. All of them are in my faves (everyone in my faves is pretty awesome.)**

**Chapter 43**

_And you're always in my heart  
You're always on my mind  
When it all becomes too much  
You're never far behind  
And there's no one that comes close to you  
Could ever take your place  
'Cause only you can love me this way_

_Only You Can Love Me This Way - Keith Urban_

**Bella POV**

_**A/N: Okay so this is actually it. The last chapter. I will post the epilogue soon. Some of you have already seen snippets but it's been awhile. I hope this story means as much to you as it does me. And for those of you just finding your love for Jacob Black, I'm glad I was able to convert you :).**_

_**Some of you have reviewed almost every chapter and I feel like I know you personally because of it. It's so bittersweet to end, but its time. (I can't top a plane crash)**_

_**Check out my oneshot for the Sort of Beautiful Challenge and I have a new story in the works so look for that also.**_

_**Again, I have to thank all of you. You've made the last six weeks of my life momentous. Without your reviews and messages I may not have had the courage to continue. You provided the stength needed to for me to fulfill a passion. For that I am humbly grateful.**_

**.**

**Bella POV**

I was in a nebulous haze, lingering somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness. My eyes wouldn't open, yet I was surrounded by bright lights. In the distance, I could hear muffled sounds-beeping, dripping, and swooshing.I tried again to open my eyes but the lights were painfully blinding and my lids failed to move. The muffled sounds became closer but they were still distorted and opaque. Where was I? What time is it? Was it night or day? I was confused.

My body tingled as I felt frigid flesh on my skin. Was someone here? Why were they touching me? I was unable to see anything but light. I breathed in, and it felt like the first breath I had ever taken. My chest burned as the air entered my body, filling my lungs with the intoxicating odor that surrounded me. My eyelids were still uncooperative as the sounds increased in volume and clarity.

My mind immediately responded to the familiarity of my surroundings. _Edward_. He was here with me, whereever I was.

Was I dreaming? I wasn't running; in my dreams, I was always running.

I breathed in again. The smell became fierce, intensifying in my throat. Where was I and why was Edward with me? Was I dead or dying? Was I becoming a vampire? Alice's vision must be coming true. I took in another deep breath, only to realize I wasn't a vampire . I needed air; I needed to breathe.

"Bella, can you hear me?" Was that Carlisle's voice? It was distant and muted, but oddly distinguishable.

"Bella, can you blink your eyes?" He spoke to me again, this time it was much clearer. "Bella, can you blink your eyes?" he repeated.

Yes. That was a simple command, I could do that. But I couldn't. I tried but they were unwilling to budge. It was as if the light was so heavy on my lids that I couldn't release them.

"Bella," he called out again, more urgent.

I was certain that was Carlisle's voice. Oh my God, it had happened! I was changing into a vampire. I didn't want to become a vampire, I wanted Jacob. I wanted to see his face. I wanted to see anything but the bright lights that were tormenting my eyes.

I tried again to blink, but I had no control over my face. It was connected to me, but somehow it was out of reach. I took in another breath. My hands, where were my hands?

I wrenched my fingers apart and slowly flexed each one, relieved to feel them still attached to me.

I tried to voice my fears to Carlisle, but, I couldn't talk. My tongue moved to form the words, but was stopped by something foreign in my throat.

Fear and agitation took over me, and I managed to move my heavy fingers up to my face.

I touched my lips and felt plastic coming from my mouth. What the hell was that that? What was going on? Every bit of strength I had I used to remove the monstrosity from my face.

"Bella, you must calm down," Carlisle said.

_I can't calm down__,_ I wanted to scream, _I'm choking to death_! But the words were lost in my paranoid mind. I couldn't breathe. My chest quivered as the last gasps of air left my body.

"Bella you're fine. Please relax." Edward's delicate smooth voice requested and my body instantly relaxed. "We're going to make this better." The dripping became louder, and then a buzz echoed in my ears. A rushing sensation pulsed through my veins, and I realized for the first time I was lying down. I wove my fingers around the bed beneath me. I listened feverishly to the sounds again; they were familiar, he steady drip, hum, swoosh. I was in a hospital. Of course, I should have recognized it immediately. I was not a stranger to that setting.

I fluttered my lids, shocked when they actually opened. But the weight on them was too much, and before I could really see the room, they closed in fatigue. The lights became closer, warmer, and brighter before I drifted into unconsciousness again.

I woke up the next time to the lights and distorted sounds. My incoherent breathing was labored and painful at first, but gradually became more steady with each intake of oxygen. My fingers grasped the thin sheet beneath them and I swallowed, realizing the tube was gone. My throat was raw and it burned as I took in deep breaths. My mouth was parched and tasted of salt, and I still could not speak. I felt a cough forming in my chest and I cried silently at the pain it created as it moved out of my body. As I slowly opened my eyes, the bright light dissipated into an actual scene. When I finally focused my vision, I saw warm topaz eyes staring at me. Edward's sweet face greeted me as I entered the new place alone. I met his gaze intently. He was just as beautiful as I remembered.

"Bella, are you in pain?" Carlisle asked.

I took a mental inventory of my body and I realized I wasn't. Despite the discomfort of my mouth and throat, I wasn't in any pain. In fact, I felt very light and ethereal. My limbs were slowly connecting back to my body as I regained control of them, and I began to feel very much alive.

I shook my head to answer Carlisle's question. Panic surged through me as my inability to vocalize my concern became increasingly evident.

Jacob-where was he? I really needed him. I tried to mouth to Edward, his face still peering above me, that I needed Jacob. I moved my hands up to my face. I felt a sting as the needles attached to my wrists pulled against the tubes.

Carlisle gave me a pad of paper and a pen. "Here, use this until your voice comes back." I nodded graciously at him and scribbled Jacob's name on the yellow piece of paper.

"Edward, can you go get Mr. Black, please?" Carlisle asked.

"He doesn't need to be in here right now," Edward hissed, his eyes immovable.

_He does need to be here. I need him. I need to know that he is alright._

I shook my head yes. Who did Edward think he was? He certainly was not in the position to tell me who or what I needed. Rage burned inside of me at his erratic display.

"Edward, go get him," Carlisle ordered. "Bella, I want you to tell me if there is any pain or discomfort."

_None_**.** I wrote on the paper. Adding below it, _what happened__?_"You were in an accident and suffered a severe trauma."

_On the plane__?_ I scribbled.

"Yes."

I remembered the plane crashing and seeing Jacob's face, but everything else was blank. Carlisle continued to examine me methodically, checking my pupils and my throat.

When he turned away, I closed my eyes. Where was Jacob? I was growing impatient. I needed him to be here.

Then I drifted back to unconsciousness.

When I opened my eyes, I saw large russet fingers wrapped around my bruised hands. I looked up to see Jacob's tired, worried eyes staring into mine. Just having him near me was comforting, and I smiled in response to his presence.

"Jake," I whispered. "I missed you."

His lips turned upward and his eyes gleamed with relief and happiness.

"Only you, Bella, only you," he said as he gently kissed my forehead.

I scanned the room and discovered that Jacob and I were alone.

Jacob disclosed the details of the last two days. I learned of the plane crash, that we were in Iowa, and that Edward and Carlisle were doctors at the hospital I had been taken to. Jacob told me that, had it not been for Carlisle's unconventional treatment, I would have died. I laughed at the thought of irony and fate intervening on my behalf this time.

Despite Carlisle's efforts, it was Jacob who really saved me. His heroic efforts had also saved every single person on our flight.

"Does Charlie know?" I asked.

"Yes and no. He knows that our plane crashed and that you're in the hospital. But he thinks you're here for observation as a precaution. He doesn't know about the Fang twins either."

"Thanks for the cover."

Carlisle came back into my room with a clipboard under his arm. I couldn't help but think of the first time he served as my doctor-the day the van nearly killed me. Those memories seemed like a lifetime ago, like a movie in black and white. You knew at some point it was real but the actuality of it was almost unfathomable. I smiled in spite of myself.

"Bella, I have to warn you that I do not know what side effects you may experience. Jacob's blood has done miracles for your body, and with your rapid healing I'd say you'll be free to go in the morning. There are still risks from the severity of your injuries and your treatment, though."

"Will I become a werewolf?" I asked quizzically.

Carlisle's face shone bright and he smiled, amused.

"Jacob has many unique progenitor cells; many more than the average human. Each unique cellis responsible for his unusual gifts. I was able to dissect them carefully, and the cells you received are specifically capable of advanced healing, so I doubt that you will turn into a werewolf. The cells you received have limited capabilities of reproducing. In a few days you will be completely free of them."

"Oh, I see." I was relieved, but the thought of transforming into a giant wolf was somewhat intriguing.

"Jacob, if you don't mind, I think Edward would like to speak to Bella."

I looked at Jacob and assured him that it was okay.

"I'll pass the word along. Any minute now you'll be moving from ICU into a regular room," Carlisle said.

Carlisle was spot on because no sooner had I heard his words, a nurse with a wheelchair came to take me to my new location.

"Jake, how about I treat you to some cafeteria cuisine. You have to be hungry," Carlisle said enthusiastically. "You're going to need all of your strength to be able to take care of this one here," he finished, patting me on the head.

I thanked the nurse for helping me into the new room. It took her a little while to unhook what needed to be unhooked and to hook up what needed to be hooked up. She removed the catheter and oxygen and hooked my IV's back up. I really didn't want to lie around in a hospital bed. I felt strong, invincible, and more alive than I ever had. Once

she left, I walked into the bathroom, dragging the clunky IV pole with me. After the normal bathroom routine, I walked over to the sink. I looked in the mirror to see a stranger staring back at me. Beneath all of the bruising, my face was paler than normal and somewhat inflated. My lips were chaffed and cracked, and remnants of dried blood hung at the corners of my mouth. My hair was completely disheveled, and I ran my fingers through it in order to flatten out.

I turned the water on and washed my hands. I splashed my face, allowing the chilly water to wash away the remains of the tragedy. I patted my face dry with the towel and turned out the light.

I strolled leisurely back to the sterile bed, prolonging the inevitable. I gasped as I caught sight of Edward, unannounced, in the corner of the room. His face was soft but his posture was rigid. I knew the discussion that was coming was inescapable, but I didn't know if I was capable of it. Edward closed the gap between us until he was only inches from my face.

Realizing I was in a hospital gown, I hurriedly grasped the back of it to prevent embarrassment. Edward looked at me with wicked amusement, offering a crooked grin. My human inadequacies were always a source of entertainment for him. I guess some things never change.

"Bella, I don't want to disrupt your life. But I couldn't be this close to you and not say to you what I should've said fourteen months ago."

I stared into his topaz eyes. His face was tortured underneath his flawless beauty. His hands gently caressed my face as he stared contentedly into my eyes. My breathing escalated and my heartbeat began to race.

"Do you need to lie down?" he asked, his voice thick with concern.

"No," I whispered, "continue." Uncertainty loomed in my mind. I didn't want to hear the words. I feared the pain. I feared the aching dismal hole resurfacing, bringing with it my inability to live without him. Pangs of torture dominated me as I felt the anguish slowly creeping back into my heart. I did not want to be empty again.

"I am sorry, Bella. I really am. I love you, deeply, honorably, and undividedly. Contrary to my very existence, I love you. I only wanted to save you, to protect you. Leaving you was the single most horrifying experience of my life, far surpassing becoming this monster." His demeanor was solemn and serene. He spoke, as always, like a calm breeze.

"Edward, I understand. I was devastated when you left. But now, well, I no longer struggle to live without you. My memories of you are amicable and sweet. I've become a new person. I still have an unfaltering affection for you. I will…always." The truthful words surprisingly flowed from me like liquid. My voice was steady and even. I wasn't breaking.

My chest didn't ache and the hole was absent. I wasn't spiraling into a frenzy of desperation. I was perfectly fine.

"Seeing your life now, I realize I have no need for regrets. I know _he_ makes you happy. I know you're taken care of. Our destiny's were only meant to pass, not entwine. But because of knowing you, loving you, my horrendous existence is worthwhile. You brought to me something I longed after for my entire life.

And if I never know that kind of love again, I'll reap satisfaction for the time that you were mine.

He kissed my cheek and breathed, "Good bye, Bella."

"Goodbye Edward," I replied. I finally made peace with Edward no longer in my life, no longer in my heart. I had no regrets, no remorse, and absolutely no more questions. I was never meant to be with Edward. This horrible accident was not meant to destroy me. Fate was helping me let go of the last obstacle. Fate brought me here to close the gap, to complete my healing. My pattern of indecision was now an after thought. I could fully devote myself to Jacob Black. I could have the life with Jacob that fate wanted me to.

Fate was not an enemy to me. I wasn't empty, matter of fact, I was quite full.

**************(Alright cue the music)****************

I stood in the hospital room, shivering from the cool, damp air. Tears streamed from my cheeks at my new revelation. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. Jacob's sweet smile appeared and I felt calm, stable.

"Bella, are you okay?" Jacob's sweet, carefree voice asked earnestly.

I opened my eyes to see him standing in front of me. He reached his hand to my face to dry the tears from my eyes.

"Jacob, I'm perfectly fine, thanks to you."

He squeezed me softly in his big arms, melting me into his embrace. I met his gaze with my own. His sincerity, humility, and sweetness were always constant. There was an unending magnetic pull from his soul to mine. My heart swelled and the tears brimmed at just having him near me. I was absolutely and utterly in love with him. I needed to let

Jake know how much he meant to me. I needed to express to him my devotion and adoration. But as usual my words failed me. So, I decided to repeat the most beautiful words I had ever heard in my life-_his_ words.

"Jacob, meeting you was just pure luck, being your friend was an incredibly wise choice, but falling in love with you...falling in love with you was beyond my control. I want everyday of my life to be spent with you in it. _Forever_. Without you I'm powerless, I'm meaningless, and I'm purposeless. I need you, as simple as it may sound; I need you in my life. I want to spend forever with you."


	44. Chapter 44

****************Not sure what happened but here is a better version of the epi...The last one was a definite FAIL LOL****************

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. No infringement intended.

A/N: I literally cried writing the epilogue. I'm such a girl. I love a happy ending! I hope you do too. I'm going to miss checking my blackberry for review notifications. ::wipes tears:: So you all better show me some love one last time. It's been great getting to talk to you and reading your responses, I feel like we've developed a camaraderie of sorts. I love you all and thank you!

As for doing a sequel, right now I have no intentions of adding anything else to this story. There may come a day when I get some inspiration and I write a 40 chapter sequel but for now I'm focusing on my other story Time Stands Still. Please go read it.

**Playlist for Epilogue **

**Jack Johnson - _Better Forever_ -The Weepies - _Somebody Loved_ - Lifehouse - _Everything _**

**_Smile - _Uncle Kracker**

_You´re better then the best  
I´m lucky just to linger in your light  
Cooler then the flip side of my pillow that´s right  
Completely unaware  
Nothing can compare to where you send me  
Lets me know that it´s ok yeah it´s ok  
And the moments where my good times start to fade_

__

You make me smile like the sun  
Fall out of bed sing like bird  
Dizzy in my head spin like a record  
Crazy on a Sunday night  
You make me dance like a fool  
Forget how to breathe  
Shine like gold buzz like a bee  
Just the thought of you can drive me wild  
Ohh you make me smile

Even when you´re gone  
Somehow you come along  
Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack and just like that  
You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun  
Fall out of bed sing like bird  
Dizzy in my head spin like a record  
Crazy on a Sunday night  
You make me dance like a fool  
Forget how to breathe  
Shine like gold buzz like a bee  
Just the thought of you can drive me wild  
Ohh you make me smile

Don´t know how I lived without you  
Cuz everytime that I get around you  
I see the best of me inside your eyes  
You make me smile  
You make me dance like a fool  
Forget how to breathe  
Shine like gold buzz like a bee  
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun  
Fall out of bed sing like bird  
Dizzy in my head spin like a record  
Crazy on a Sunday night  
You make me dance like a fool  
Forget how to breathe  
Shine like gold buzz like a bee  
Just the thought of you can drive me wild  
Ohh you make me smile

_**____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**_

**EPILOGUE ~ Reflections**

**_______________________________________________________**

The next four years of our lives Jacob and I saw our share of separation and desperation. We made mistakes and passed milestones. Love was like that. There were ups and downs; ins and outs. But through it all, the one constant that remained was our love for one another. There was no substitute, no replacement. The odds were stacked against us but we prevailed.

They say the road to happiness is paved with hardship. "They" would be right. But if it's not worth fighting for, then it's not really worth anything. I was glad I found something worth fighting for. And I was glad that Jacob felt like I was worth fighting for. I'm glad he never gave up on me. He put faith in me when I was undeserving of it.

My heart was intertwined with his. We were meant to be together, like a force of nature. Like Renee once said, "woven." Although I was not Jacob's imprint-he never had one- I felt like we were cosmically made for each other. Our love was stronger than any imprint, our love was without condition or compromise. We each had a choice and the choice was clear. Jacob made me whole; he complimented me. We balanced each other.

The sky isn't complete at night without the stars; I wasn't complete without Jacob. When I look into his eyes, his soul sings out to mine. When he touches my skin, my body warms. When I enter a room, he immediately smiles and I surrender to his goodness. A cosmic force, indeed.

I had come to love Jacob Black, even more than I thought possible. I had watched him grow into a strong, confident, wonderful human being. Jacob was a successful business man, an influential leader and a brave warrior. He is the crowned prince of La Push and I am his princess.

But through all of that, he was still Jacob. Just Jacob. He is my forever, my happiness, my sunshine-my port in the storm. He is the night sky to my stars.

Jacob accomplished almost all of the goals he set for himself, and then some. He built a beautiful house on the wolf land in La Push. He opened his own garage and has successfully expanded his business, opening three more in the surrounding areas. He developed an adult learning and career center for La Push where he teaches Quileute history and legends classes. Now that I've finished my English degree, I will be joining forces with him, teaching the adult literacy program. Jacob's project has touched the lives of La Push. Life in La Push changed because of Jacob Black. Life for me changed because of Jacob Black. All of it for the better.

Jacob and I weren't the only ones who found love. Last year, Billy married Sue Clearwater. Jared and Kim, Paul and Rachel, Sam and Emily all married over the last four years. Paul and Rachel even have a little girl, named Tara. Rachel and I have become great friends, I've found the people of La Push to be very accepting of me and I'm glad to be a part of their family. I can't think of any other place in the world I want to call home. Jacob has proven to be an amazing uncle and I knew he would be an even more amazing father. Angela had gotten engaged to a doctor from Vancouver. She met him one rainy April evening, two years ago, when I cut my finger on a knife and needed some stitches. She took me to the emergency room and that's really all it took.

So much has changed since Jacob and I fell in love. The pack became my unofficial family. Their lives are completely connected to mine. The immediate need for the pack was almost non-existent. There hadn't been a vampire sighting since Irina. The pack was able to focus more on their own lives and their community. All of them collectively had made La Push and the Quileute reservation a better place.

Sam and Emily opened up a cabin resort and a wilderness adventure hiking business, bringing much needed tourist revenue into the reservation. Jared and Paul became part of the local police force. Together they developed a drug task program and have made great progress in educating children about the harms of abusing drugs. Quil and Embry are in business with Jacob, moonlighting in a cover band on weekends. Seth was actually able to attend college, pursuing a career as a doctor. And, Leah runs a safe harbor program for abused woman and children. The pack has proven great leadership and authority. The dynamic changed since the inception, but the goal was still the same. To keep the tribe safe, to ensure a better future for generations to come.

I couldn't help but allow my mind to focus on the reflections of my life. The path I had to take to get to where I am today. The memories serve as a distraction to the anxiety and nervousness that the excitement of the monumental happening of today is bringing. Today. My stomach is in knots just thinking about the occasion.

As I look into the mirror before me, I barely recognize the woman staring back at me. It seems that only yesterday, I was an awkward, clumsy teenager. I had no idea then, that there was such a strong, independent, smart woman inside there. A woman who had the capability to realize her dreams and make them come true.

I couldn't help but think of Edward today. I thought of him often, and I still love him. Part of me would always love him. Today would not have been possible, had it not been for Edward Cullen. I hope wherever Edward was he knew how grateful I was for him and the opportunities he afforded me by leaving. Everything he wanted for me, had come to pass. I've had many wonderful human experiences, both good and bad. But all of them brought me to my current place. A place of complete happiness. I'm glad he didn't change me; take my mortality away. I was selfish for wanting that in the first place. I could think of Edward and the Cullen's without hurt or pain, I could remember them with happy, cheerful reflection.

My life with Jacob was incredible. Every day an adventure, greater than the last. The waves roll on, but I have learned to manage them. There was no water too deep that, together, we could not tread. Whatever I needed, that was what Jake was. A friend, a mentor, a healer, a lover. Wherever life decided to take me, I would be alright because I had Jacob Black beside me.

Jacob gives me strength and courage. He gives me the desire to be a better person. But, most of all, Jacob gives me life. He helps me to find my will. Jacob once told me to follow the path with least regrets, there are no regrets surrounding him. The good times far outweigh the bad, and the next day is always better than the last.

"Bella. You look beautiful," Renee said snapping me back to the present.

"This will be one of the happiest days of your life." Renee was crying, as she sat beside me. "Charlie's a nervous wreck," she says through her sobs. "He's just outside pacing the floor. He's very proud of you, we both are." She gives me a tight squeeze and a bright smile. I giggle silently at the thought of my Father. Charlie is one of the greatest men I know. I know he's much more nervous about today than I am.

"Bunnies and butterflies." I say as I return Renee's smile. Anxiousness and anticipation roll around in my stomach and I can't help but to feel happy.

"Yes, Isabella, bunnies and butterflies." She kisses my cheek, validating her role here today.

"It's almost time. Are you ready?"

I was ready. I had been ready for a long time. My life with Jacob would be made complete today, another milestone, another memory. I glance over to see the framed picture of Jacob and I as kids, happy and carefree. The picture has been present for every momentous occasion of our lives together. In large part that picture was responsible for my realization of my love for Jacob Black. Had I not found it that day while cleaning out Charlie's closet, I may have been lost and hopeless forever. It seemed only fitting that it would be present today. The Jacob I see in that picture is the same Jacob beside me, supporting me, cheering me on.

I look up to see his bright smile playing on his sweet lips. His dark eyes stare at me with both sincere and fear. He presses his lips down to my forehead, bringing comfort to me, calming the increasing fears inside of me. I prefer he didn't see me like this, not yet, but I am ecstatic to have him here. I smile back at him through clenched teeth, realizing that it really is time. I take in another deep breath. The energy in the room heightens as my uncontrollable emotions foster in the next few minutes. Today my life changes forever, again. Amazing how forever can change by just one thought, by one decision. I know through all of my _forever_ changes I will have Jacob to be there with me. Because for me, forever doesn't exist without him. _Happy!_

"Alright, Bella, this is it. The moment you've been waiting for. Take a deep breath in and ONE, TWO, THREE..PUSH..."

A/N: So that's the end. I'm sorry it was so short but I mean really what more was there to say? I'm crying...again. I'm so glad Jacob and Bella finally got a happy ending.


	45. Chapter 46

I'm not sure the site has sent out notifications, but for those of you that were interested I have the sequel up. Go to my profile and scroll down to the bottom. Title is no return.

If you're still undecided, here is a little sneak peek for ya.

No Return: Chapter 1: Five Years Later

I closed the cover of 'Goodnight Gorilla' for the second time in as much as ten minutes. It was a favorite and we both knew the words by heart. As I did every night, I mentally noted that I needed to buy a new copy of the treasured story since the pages were tattered almost beyond recognition. The small book held such sentimental value, even in its deteriorated state; I could never bring myself to actually replace it.

I placed the book on the bed table and patted the little head lying on my chest, silently wondering how I deserved to be so fortunate. My heart filled with an unexplainable love and devotion every time those tiny little arms wrapped around me. My life was complete.

"You brushed your teeth, right?" I asked, fully knowing the answer. It was a fun game to see what creative way Arden would dance around the truth. She would never overtly lie. She was too good and honest like her father, I supposed. But, she definitely flirted with minor untruths from time to time.

"I did this morning," she said sheepishly. Aha, the "truth as it does not apply to the current situation" tactic_._ _Clever_, I thought.

"To the bathroom," I gently scolded.

"But I want another story," she pouted, using her best stalling method.

"No, brush your teeth and then it's off to sleepy land you go."

"But...I want to kiss Daddy goodnight." _Again with the stalling_, I thought. Charlie was right; she did have a recognizable stubborn streak in her. I definitely had my work cut out for me.

"Daddy isn't home yet, but as soon as he walks in the door he will come straight up to your room to give you a goodnight kiss."

"But...," the little deviant protested. A battle of wills was a certainty at bedtime. Although mostly exhausting, it was sometimes fun to watch her test her boundaries.

"Tomorrow is your first day of Kindergarten; you want to be well rested for all of that fun," I reminded her.


End file.
